Thoughts.

Hey! It's time for a review!!
This poem is just wow! I can really relate to this because I struggle with OCD. I know how hard it is to have thoughts running in and out of your brain a million Miles an hour. Never knowing when they are going to start or stop. This really touched me and I'm so glad you wrote it. I love how you rhymes in it. The ending is quite spectacular and is kind of a cliff hanger which is really good! Can't wait to see all the other things you write!!!! Keep up all the good work!

Hello, BrittleBird! I am emeraldfox, representing the Blue Moons this review day!

Woah. That was a really cool poem. There was so much imagery! I could picture all of the things you described perfectly. You have really good word choice! You didn't have any spelling, grammar, formatting, or capitalization issues. Gosh, I'm kind of at a loss for words. This poem really surprised me in a good way. I'm sure we can all relate to being unable to express our thoughts and put them into words. (hey that's me right now trying to review this)

I wished you had used some punctuation. That would have put some emphasis into what you are saying and gave stopping points for the reader.

My favorite lines were:
"They're falling back down my throat
And scratching up my lungs"

You are a very talented writer and I enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece! *likes*

Hey there!
Welcome to YWS!
I'm Spark I'll be reviewing you today! Let's dance!

Just for future reference, on YWS we don't really like things like centered poetry. It smells like an amateur, and most publishing companies frown on it as well. We like to get you prepared for the real world as quickly as possible here, so just something to think about in future-- does it really add to your poem? Not really.

Continuing on to your poem.
You've got a great opening stanza. It flows well, and it's rhythm is great. The second stanza isn't as great. The first two lines are great, but the clown metaphor isn't strong. We jump right back to the strong metaphors. I love the castle metaphor, it's just done so well.

Besides the whole centering things, I have no problem with this poem. (Which is very odd for me, let me tell you) It's a very strong poem, and I am very impressed.

Keep up the fantastic work.
Sparkles

Haha, I can relate. Just yesterday I tried to talk to my crush and I seriously just started stuttering and blushing.
I love the poem, people don't allways like to ryme on this site, and I love that you did.
I stumble over my words and can't catch up with my thoughts.
Which is confusing!
Anyway I love the poem. Mine are not as good as yours at all but I love it.
Thank You, Whosabell
P.S. welcome to YWS

Hey there! CelticThunder1438 here for a review of your work!

First off I would just like to say: I am new to poetry, as I have only been writing it for a bit. I love seeing other peoples poems because it inspires me to write more. And let me just say that your poem was AMAZING. You have a very good way with words!

"My thoughts crumble like castles
At the tip of my tongue
They're falling back down my throat
And scratching up my lungs"

This was my favorite piece. It was really good! I loved your phrasing and with way you made I kind of life like

It is an amazing piece and I hope to look at more of your work!
~CelticThunder1438 a.k.a. Selina

I absolutely love the 3rd stanza, particularly when you say "they're falling back down my throat and scratching up my lungs."

Wow. This is one of the best poems I've ever read. You've got that natural rhythm going very nicely. It drives the words into your mind and makes them stick.

I really have no suggestions, only praise. My favorite line is:
My thoughts crumble like castles, At the tip of my tongue.

You obviously don't have the problem the person who's speaking in this poem has.

<3-------KY

Hey, Brittlebird!

So I see you're new to YWS! Awesome! I'm saying that because your poem is very, very good.

I don't see any grammar errors, except for one thing. Maybe you could use punctuation; but that's just your choice. If you didn't use any because of something specific, that's fine. I do that too, actually.

Because there aren't any errors in grammar, I'll go straight into what I thought about this.

And it was great. It was really, really good. I don't know why, but I love this line;

Where nothing's what it seems

So beautiful. I love how you use those lines in a specific place to make it flow so gracefully.

And, just saying, but the last line seemed interesting to me. The fact that you said, "I can't even begin" and there was no period at the end? It seemed to match with what you were trying to say in that line.

Overall, you caught the moment of thinking and trying to express those wild thoughts in a very poetic and graceful way. I would love to read more of your works. Thank you for letting me read this (and the rest of the YWS writers)!

Keep on writing, Mephis