My Everything

by Brigette2141

Published April 26, 2013

E - Everyone
There is so much to say to you, but I’m not sure where to begin.

Your love?

Your passion?
Your dedication?
Your sacrifices?
All those tears that ran down your cheeks.
Always defending me whether I’m right or wrong.
All the days you stood by me and the nights you cared for me.
Us, both of us share one special secret.

You’ve been the greatest mother to me.
Teaching me many things that other never see.
Expanding my life with health and prosperity.
  
Oh mom without you I am no one.
Without you I would be going to a different path.
Which I would have never known.
Mom how I’ll make you proud.
Whenever we were in a bad situation you always turn it around.

My mom isn’t just a mom.
My mom is like a friend who I will never forget.
She’s always there whether I’m sad, happy, lonely, or angry.
She supports me in every way.
My mom is so unique.
She isn’t so quit or shy, but instead she’s proud and doesn’t care what others say about her.
My mother is beautiful in every way.
 
 
Just remembers mom, my turn will come soon as we both grow up together and I’ll do the same for you.
I love you.

Comments & reviews · 3
MadameLuxestrange wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2013

Hi there!

I personally loved reading this :) When I was eleven, my mother passed away from cancer, so this really struck a chord with me. It's a beautiful representation of a mom.

Now for some (hopefully!) helpful advice! The thing that struck me the most was your punctuation. There were some places that needed some commas. There weren't that many, so I'll list them off for you:

"Without you I would be going to a different path.
Which I would have never known."

I would recommend putting a comma between these lines instead of a period.

"Mom how I’ll make you proud."

Just insert a comma between "Mom" and "how" and you're golden.

Your imagery is great in this and gives the exact meaning of your feelings. I think it's lovely. I'm glad you have such a wonderful mom :) Keep up the writing and definitely share this with her!

Cheers,
Luxe

User avatar
Rosan
Review
Rosan wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2013

This piece is beautiful, it had such a nice feel to it but somehow needs copy reading.
_____________________________________________________________________

Here are the few errors I found throughout the poem:

"All those tears that ran down your cheeks.
Always defending me whether I'm right or wrong.
All the days you stood by me and the nights you cared for me.
Us, both of us share one special secret."

This stanza needs improvement. You have to consider sentence formation too even though this is poetry. The first three lines are three separate sentences all together which doesn't really have a complete, concrete idea.

"You've been the greatest mother to me.
Teaching me many things that other never see.
Expanding my life with health and prosperity."

The second and third lines are separate sentences. The whole thing should be merged into one sentence. It would make more sense if the first and second lines had commas instead of periods. Also, I think "other" should be "others."

"Oh mom without you I am no one.
Without you I would be going to a different path.
Which I would have never known.
Mom how I'll make you proud.
Whenever we were in a bad situation you always turn it around."

Merge the second and third lines, just replace the period on the second line by a comma.

"My mom isn't just a mom.
My mom is like a friend who I will never forget.
She's always there whether I'm sad, happy, lonely, or angry.
She supports me in every way.
My mom is so unique.
She isn't so quit or shy, but instead she's proud and doesn't care what others say about her.
My mother is beautiful in every way."

Please fix this part: "She isn't so quit or shy..."

"Just remembers mom, my turn will come soon as we both grow up together and I'll do the same for you.
I love you."

I think you should remove the "s" from "remembers."

I hope this helps.

User avatar
Diana2357
Comment
Diana2357 commented Comment · Apr 26, 2013

Brigette, this is so deep and beautiful, you must share this with her on Mother's Day. Better than any Hallmark card, there is nothing more meaningful than the words from your heart.
In your poem, I noticed that at first your intended audience is your mother, but then in the 3-4 stanza your audience changes and now it's about your mom instead of to her. Also, I think there is a little error in the 4 stanza "quit", I guess you meant "quiet". But besides all that, it was very lovely. Keep writing. Hurtado



The author of my life has some ambitious ideas for me to become a super villain
— FireEyes