Patience (A New Kind of Repunzel)

Hi Felistia here with a review.
Wow, what an interesting poem. I have so many questions about it, does the girl really have six eyes and if so why? Why is she escaping? I feel like this is a set up for a book almost the way you have written it. You have left me with a lot of questions unanswered and a deeply intrigued. I hope you are going to write more about it.
It is a very clever twist on Rapunzel, though there was a bit of the Little Miss Muffet rhyme in there to that I picked up on.

The only problem I have with it is line where she speaks. It is a little confusing in the way that you have written it.
("Patience is a wonderful thing,"
She says, "But I'd rather be
Happy," she'll climb her tree
And itsy, bitsy spider is free.)

I don't know how you would do it but the
(she'll climb her tree
And itsy, bitsy spider is free) is confusing to read in the way you wrote it.

Other than that it is a very unusual poem and I like it. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Hey there Nyx!

I liked your idea regarding patience. I really enjoyed the last stanza. I love when poems have a question in them. It really makes the reader internalize the work more and the way you leave us with a girl on the ground and the world laid out in front of her is beautiful. So kudos there as well.

Truth be told, if this had to stand by itself, I think it would be alright. That said, I do think some editing could be done to make it a bit stronger. I felt like there could have been more to it. I'm usually a huge fan of brief poetry but something about this one, perhaps the fact that it reads so much like a story, made me struggle with the brevity. I don't think a few more stanzas would hurt.

What exactly is it that she is being forced to be patient for? -- And why does she need to sneak out of her room as a result? What is it about getting out of her room that makes her happy? Maybe textual allusions to Rapunzel, the title says she plays a role but when I read the poem I see that role as very minimal. Maybe she could have a larger presence? I'd love to know a little bit more about the girl I guess. It would allow us to connect more to her and maybe compare where we might go with the places she might go. There's a chance for more depth here. Don't be afraid to take advantage.

Hope this helps. I enjoyed it!

-H.o.H.

P.S. Also, I see you're new to YWS! Welcome, hope you enjoy it. I haven't taken advantage of it nearly as much as I could over the years but there are some great people here. If you ever have any questions, I'd be happy to help you out or point you in the right direction!