Have you ever been to a library where not the library but a single book made this library enchanted. Well that's what happened to Ben. Ben was 15 teen years old.Ben was a average kid he got good grades, he listened to his parents,and he didn't get in trouble. When Ben got switched to a new school, Riverton High ,that would change his life. Riverton high was a school like all others it had its fair share of popular kids, nerds, athletes, and goths. Ben seemed to fall right in the middle. The only thing different about Riverton was that, even though no one knew, it had a library different from the others, a enchanted one if you will. I forgot to mention one thing Ben loved books and always spent time in the library its was like his home in a weird neighborhood.After his first few weeks he noticed a book in the very back of the library. It looked like it hadn't been touched in years. Ben picked it up wiped it off. It didn't seem to have a title but it said " For all who look upon this book will embark on a magical journey through far away lands and meet many people who you will have to decide who will help you and who will defeat you."Ben thought this was the plot of this story but little did he know this would actually happen to him.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...this one is quite an interesting piece right here. Its something that is teetering right on the very edge of that line between a prologue and a blurb which of course makes sense I guess considering this is meant to be a bit of a teasert as opposed to either of those two things. At any rate, this particular plot certainly gets one's attention right here.
Its a pretty neat idea I think. Not the most unique of ideas I've ever run into, this sort of thing is something I've seen before, but it does seem like there is a potentially unique twist or two coming in the way you've structured this as opposed to the stories I've run into before...so it does seem like this could certainly take things in a few exciting new directions.
Overall, I think you've done a neat job of mapping this plot out so far...and this...well this is mostly a premise rather than whole plot...and so this premise is certainly interesting enough that I find myself wanting to know more of what's going to happen in this story so I'd say this is fairly successful here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
thanks for the critisim. I'm not mad critisim is exactly what a good writer needs so just keep it up.
Hiya. This seems like a very interesting premise, but there are a few problems with this, mainly withe grammar and word choice. I understand that it is a premise, a sort of teaser, but that should make you want to make it all the more interesting. I believe that your word choice was quite dull, no imagery or action at all. Perhaps you could take out a little bit of the backstory, and focus more on how the library will affect Ben.
Another thing is grammar. You need to work on your punctuation, such as in this example:
A comma would work well there.
Also, verb tenses. This is mainly in past tense, but there are a few places where you slip into present tense. Like here:
I would suggest you reread this so you can spot little mistakes like this.
However, this is a very good premise. If you get the first chapter up, could you PM me? I'd love to see how this turns out.
Awesome! I would like to hear more. That sounds awesome keep going keep going!