Published January 22, 2009
Snow
Falling softly
Falling on my face
Falling like jellyfish in a light current
Covering the trees
Like Christmas lights
Snow
Falling swiftly
Falling on my hat
Falling like jellyfish in a fisher's net
Covering the ground
Like a white blanket
Snow
Falling angrily
Falling all around
Falling like jellyfish ready to attack
Covering my knees
Like a swamp's mud
Blizzard
Falling
Falling
Falling
Covering my body
Like...
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Wow. Intersting. Comapring snow to mud. I like that imaginary. I also like how as you read on, the words got angrier, and you got more power out of everything.
I think you should keep it just like you have it. So, once again, awesome job, and keep writing.
Peacee
-Writing for love is a passion_
~Lexie~
i think you should minimize the repetition of word
it made the poem too lousy...
anyway i love snow that is why i have been intrigued
to read this.....
thats all....
Thanks!
Do you think I should change Blizzard at the end to Snow or keep it the same?
I love the repetition and the similes! VERY GOOD! I love the free verse and the "swamp mud" I think is what you said. I love it! I wish I could write like this. I hope I see more poems like this! Keep writing!
Thanks so much!
Bailey
Jelly fish...hmmm....
I like the idea of the repetition but it seems almost too sudden. I would say maybe try and add something in between the changing moods. And the parallel to jellyfish is a bit odd, it doesnt really get the point across clearly. Is there another comparison you could use? I think this poem could be great it just needs some tweaks and maybe some rewording. But its your poem so ultimately what you do with it is your choice
Keep it up