Published April 7, 2007
I wrote this this morning, and it's an idea I got from one of my older poems
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Can you see past tomorrow?
When you are stuck in today?
Can you look at your life if you step away?
The trouble you are looking for is coming from within
You have shattered your own trust
You lost a sense of self
Now you are dust.
Scattered about like the pieces of your mind
Twirling all around
Winds blow you and you start to fall.
Fall for things that are not real
Anything
To make you feel.
When they leave your empty
With nothing
What will it all mean?
The trouble you are looking for is coming from within
Make destiny your twin
Do not hand over your power
Take a chance on tomorrow.
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141,737 Literary Works • 675,649 Reviews
First of all I liked what this piece was about, it was very deep and meaningful. I wish I could write things like that in the morning!!
However, it didn't flow right. It didn't have a constant amount of rhyming, or syllables or lines.
I really liked this:
That's what got my attention.
I loved your idea but the technical side needs a little revising,
Great work,
Alainna
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