Hmm... I don't know why I wrote this one, but please crit!
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Your lips are moving, but I hear no sound.
It feels as if my world is crashing down.
Your hand is touching mine, but I feel nothing.
when you said you needed to tell me somthing,
I never would have guessed....
Your words are suspended in the air.
Within this information that you share,
my eyes are tearing, my thoughts are clearing.
I guess this is goodbye....
In a hospital over a hundred miles away,
a child that will never know his father is born..
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey, hey, I like this poem. I think it's great! The flow of the words and the rhythm was, I hesitate to say, perfect. Liked the way you ended the first two stanzas. I must say, I didn't get the last two sentences. Maybe I just missed it or something. All in all, I really like this. Nice work.