Hello, You Are Real
"Hello, you are real" were the words that caught my eye,
I lingered for awhile as my heart wondered why,
and it skipped with a beat so refreshing and new
as I breathed in the air and the essence of you.
"Hello, you are real" her words sang me softly away
to a place in the sun that she warmed everyday.
She inscribed on my heart the sweet vision of her,
and the scent of her love had the fragrance of myrrh.
"Hello, you are real" her words enchanted me so,
whispers of her secrets beckoning me to go
near her light in the mist of the ramparts she raised.
Lonely hours, dying flowers, I stood there amazed!
"Hello, you are real" her words enchanted me so,
and found life in this heart and I wouldn’t let go
of the hope that I read as she led me along
with her wonderful lyrics and beautiful song.
."Hello, you are real!"
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
You use some very good rhymes, "her" and "Myrrh", "raised" and "amazed" just to name a few. Because the rhyme is so inventive it adds a new layer to the poem.
Nothing I can really add to that, it's very good.
Phrasing comes over a bit awkwardly, everything else up to here read easily and flowed well.
Nice comparison here, though it does seem a tiny bit like myrrh was just chosen randomly because it rhymed.
The lines don't really seem to flow onto each other, I think there is a change of rhythm and it distorts the rhyme of the last two lines.
The "Hello you are real" repetition words well, but I don't think you should repeat the "her words enchanted me so".
I like this line a lot, it's very good.
"Hello, you are real!" - Effective ending. Nice poem.