Looking into the mirror, I see
Something strange that isn’t me;
An attractive face and pretty eyes,
A vacant soul that I despise.
The person looking back at me
Is someone I never thought I could be;
An empty smile, a broken heart,
A girl on the verge of falling apart.
Nothing has meaning, not anymore.
My whole world is spinning as I fall to the floor.
I look down and realize I’m holding a knife.
And thoughts run rampant as I take my own life.
Where could I go? What could I do?
What other life could I pursue?
What have I done? Can I take this back?
And within seconds, everything goes black.
Next thing I know, I’m safe in my bed,
Sitting here, wondering why I’m not dead.
As I take in a breath, I thank God I’m alive,
And I can’t help but wonder, “Why’d I survive?”
Now when I look at a reflection of me,
I don’t simply look, I really see.
I thank God for that dream on that horrible night,
For the nightmare I had gave me new sight.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
In my view this is on of you better poems. But I do agree this poem would have a much deeper message if you could take the rhyming away.
If in the subject description you meant "cliche", then yes, this is. It babbles cliches.
I agree with Mad on the rhyming; couplets have a tendency to sound very childish and sing-songy. Another way to avoid really obvious rhyme is to not end each line at the natural end of a phrase. Try a different rhyme scheme or perhaps just free verse.
Colleen
I agree with Mad about the rhyming but otherwise I love the poem.
Great work!
The content of the poem is good - I don't think that using couplets was the best choice. The rhyme becomes a bit too obvious and it detracts from the very serious message of the poem.
Emotionally you descibe everything very well, but theres nothing there really which completely Wows me. It's all very well written and descibed and the rhyme doesn't seem forced.
The final stanza is my favourite, I think that it works very well in couplets, especially the:
Now when I look at a reflection of me,
I don’t simply look, I really see.
Nice work