z

Young Writers Society



A short poem

by Book_Worm_113


Sorry it's so short, I just had these lines in my head all day today,
so please crit.
__________________________________________________________________________
I can't see you
does that make me blind?
I can't hear you
does that make me deaf?
I lost my senses long ago,
Along with my sanity,
and you.

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227 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 227

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Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:56 am
Mad wrote a review...



Very nice.

I can't see you
does that make me blind?
I can't hear you
does that make me deaf?


That all works very well, involves the senses and so on.

I lost my senses long ago,
Along with my sanity,
and you.

This is also very good. Because the poem is so short, combined with the abruptness of the last line there is a very strong feeling of finality.

Nice poem.




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504 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 504

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Sun Apr 01, 2007 10:40 pm
Dream Deep wrote a review...



Brevity aside, I like it very much. There's not much to comment on, technically, because it is so short, but in this case I think the concise concept adds - you don't overstate yourself again and again and you don't add unnecessary padding. You strip your poem down to its bare frame and I like this, Book Worm. ^_^




(Not a crit, in the true sense of the word, just some feedback - don't worry about the brevity, it works nicely as you have it.)





If I were a girl in a book, this would all be so easy.
— Jo March