Sorry it's so short, I just had these lines in my head all day today,
so please crit.
__________________________________________________________________________
I can't see you
does that make me blind?
I can't hear you
does that make me deaf?
I lost my senses long ago,
Along with my sanity,
and you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Very nice.
That all works very well, involves the senses and so on.
I lost my senses long ago,
Along with my sanity,
and you.
This is also very good. Because the poem is so short, combined with the abruptness of the last line there is a very strong feeling of finality.
Nice poem.
Brevity aside, I like it very much. There's not much to comment on, technically, because it is so short, but in this case I think the concise concept adds - you don't overstate yourself again and again and you don't add unnecessary padding. You strip your poem down to its bare frame and I like this, Book Worm. ^_^
(Not a crit, in the true sense of the word, just some feedback - don't worry about the brevity, it works nicely as you have it.)