The girl in your dream is a smaller version of you
Isn't it weird to think that you're watching someone
She lives in a different world but is a clone of you
Their world is inside yours
You're the smaller version of someone else
You're in their dreams
Isn't it nice to know that someone's dreaming of you
We're like Russian dolls
But does it stop?
Whose the smallest version?
...maybe it never ends
See, you matter
If you die, so do the mini versions of you
In the same, the bigger version is left with nothing to dream about
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I liked this, it's very uplifting, I feel. Honestly, I think the only critique I can give on this piece is that I think the ending line could be improved, or there could be a who new line in general. Something that could tie this whole piece together.
I liked this, it's very uplifting, I feel. Honestly, I think the only critique I can give on this piece is that I think the ending line could be improved, or there could be a who new line in general. Something that could tie this whole piece together. Oh, also "In the same time" should be "At the same time" Other than that, this was a great poem.
Welcome to YWS! I look forward to seeing more from you!
Welcome to the YWS!
This is a nice little poem, and it has an element of curiosity to it, which I find intriguing.
I like that your poem is out of the box in subtle ways.
To edit: I see that you misspelled "whose". Make sure it is "who's".
Also, I would recommend adding some punctuation to your poem. So far there is very little, if any, present here. Maybe just adding some commas or periods would help.
This is AmadeusW here with a review. Good job and enjoy getting acquainted with the YWS website!