Published March 22, 2011
The little boy came out to play,
And immediately wished he hadn't.
The giant bullies darted towards him;
their evil intentions apparent!
They circled him and began to taunt,
Using words and threats which would leave a scar.
He was thrown about and pushed around,
until he stumbled and hit the tar.
There they left him,
broken and crying;
His classmates all around,
Silently laughing..
Inspired by true, not so dramatic, events, in my life
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Hello there. I'm Ehte here for the review.
This is a good piece of work. An interesting rhyme scheme but there no flow to your poem. But it was a good poem as i said i could imagine what would have happened to that poor kid.
Keep writing.
Poetry is indeed not all about rhyme and rhythm, I agree with you, BoZi. It's about feelings, emotions.
You remebered me with your poem about my childhood. I just hated bullies, the ones that vullied me, and the ones that bullied others. I've always despised them. They don't realise how much they can affect people's lives... Sometimes the efects can be seen later in the behaviour of those tortured by them. You pretty much summed up this feeling, and I liked it.
Thanks
I liked it ... Actually, sometimes I like straight forward language... This was touching...
Toli, poetry isn't always about rhyme.
Thanks anyhow, dude. Will try to rhyme more.
P.s. I've edited it, as you suggested
Relatively good start to a poem. You should look into it again and change it a bit. Try and get a better rhyme scheme n rhytm going. The fact that its based on almost true events, allows you to write while seeming detached, but it does not always make for good reading to some people. This is my opinion of course. This style allows the writers feelings come across more efficiently, but the problem is that this is often at the expense of the writers intent and message. Try building a better or a more noticeble rhyme its will help make it much easier to write poetry. The rhyme scheme and rhythm often contrnl the type of poetry created. It creates the mood etc. Since you writing this frome a life experience bring it alive a bit more. Add more substance and your main idea ill become clearer