Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKay...well...this was a really interesting little read here. Its definitely a story that's packed with a lot more than what the surface seems to imply at any rate...well...anyway...let's see if anything that I have to say down there makes much sense...

Anyway let's get right to it,

There are times I look out my window at the woods down the street, with its trees swaying in the wind and the wildflowers all in bloom like Bob Ross ran his brush over the ground. Oh what I'd give to leave it all behind and take you with me into the serenity that surely resides outside my window. We could walk beside the river and admire the trees, laugh at the newly hatched turtles crawling through the leaves, maybe even take a nap beneath the shade of an elderly poplar who will surely outlive me.

Okay...not sure who exactly our protagonist here is talking to but this certainly does make it really interesting...wondering what this beautiful land outside could be here and why this person here can't get out. The description there to show the outside world is also pretty neat. Its definitely doing a good job showing how peaceful and relaxing it is...well let's see where this story is headed.

However, I do not get that luxury. For the "real world" keeps me trapped. My potential keeping me in the rat race and my wishes left locked up. What even is real anymore? I ask myself and consider this question often.

Okay...well...that...that very interesting...I'm guessing this whole being trapped here is somewhat more metaphorical here and probably referring to this person being trapped by having too much work or something. This definitely can't be something involving actual chains and locks here...aaand that definitely makes for a very interesting idea here.

But writing, writing gives me that escape. It gives me the ability to explore lands unknown and live in worlds unheard of outside of my room. Perhaps it is the writing that represents the biggest escape, keeping me curious and thoughtful. For now I shall write, and maybe write some more, so that these thoughts can be preserved forever more.

OKay...well...that's a very interesting ending to slap on there...the writing in one sense definitely seems like maybe its some sort of hobby or something that offers this person some respite from their generally super busy schedule but then...also its kind of giving off a vibe of some literally trapped in a room...xD...well at any rate, this is a nice ending.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...I think this makes for an interesting read. I hope it interpreted this somewhat correctly here. At any rate, that's all I've gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hello again, Blue!

It's really nice to see one of your works every day! You're a pretty good writer, and I like the themes you work with.

I'll begin by saying I love how you tagged this fantasy, even though it has no fantastical elements. Writing is our fantasy, and you sent that message out loud and clear. And in a pretty cool way, I might add.

like Bob Ross ran his brush over the ground.

I had to look up who Bob Ross was, but now I'm quite impressed! It's a lovely way to describe the scenic view. However, I think you could have used some other person; perhaps an ancient goddess or something. It would have formed a bond between nature and your story.

Oh what I'd give to leave it all behind and take you with me into the serenity that surely resides outside my window.

This is uncomfortably long. Perhaps a comma after "Oh" would help?

laugh at the newly hatched turtles crawling through the leaves

This makes it sound as though the turtles are in the trees. XD
And, is the setting close to a water body or something because I don't think turtles lay their eggs anywhere. Correct me if I'm wrong.

My potential keeping me in the rat race and my wishes left locked up. What even is real anymore? I ask myself and consider this question often.

Hmm. Something about this feels wrong. i get the meaning, but it could be worded to sound more... solid? Strong? I don't know how to describe what I'm thinking. Maybe something like this:
"My potential keeps me trapped in the rat race, and my wishes are left locked up. What even is real anymore? I ask myself, pondering on this often."

But writing, writing gives me that escape. It gives me the ability to explore lands unknown and live in worlds unheard of outside of my room. Perhaps it is the writing that represents the biggest escape, keeping me curious and thoughtful. For now I shall write, and maybe write some more, so that these thoughts can be preserved forever more.

Beautiful. Truly beautiful. You've summarized how I, and no doubt many others here, feel. And that's one of the most important things readers look for in a lot of writing; the ability to relate.

Once again, you've done a splendid job of writing and cheering me up with your words. Thank you!

~ Lee

Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! Before I dive into it though please know that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad.

Oh what I'd give to leave it all behind and take you with me into the serenity that surely resides outside my window.

Maybe you should consider adding a comma after the word oh?

For now I shall write, and maybe write some more, so that these thoughts can be preserved forever more.

Maybe a comma after the word now? Also do mean 'forever more' as in forevermore (with both words combined)?

There are times I look out my window at the woods down the street, with its trees swaying in the wind and the wildflowers all in bloom like Bob Ross ran his brush over the ground. Oh what I'd give to leave it all behind and take you with me into the serenity that surely resides outside my window. We could walk beside the river and admire the trees, laugh at the newly hatched turtles crawling through the leaves, maybe even take a nap beneath the shade of an elderly poplar who will surely outlive me.

Ahhhh you've got such gorgeous imagery! I especially loved
' We could walk beside the river and admire the trees, laugh at the newly hatched turtles crawling through the leaves, maybe even take a nap beneath the shade of an elderly poplar who will surely outlive me.'

I just loove the image that paints in my mind.

However, I do not get that luxury. For the "real world" keeps me trapped. My potential keeping me in the rat race and my wishes left locked up. What even is real anymore? I ask myself and consider this question often.

This is the most important part of what you've written, because it's here you mention that the narrator whoever they are trapped, hence they need to escape, so I wish you'd have gone into more depth, and explained how they are trapped.
Also the narrators asking the question-'what even, is real anymore?' tells me a lot. He seems like someone whose very curious, open minded. He probably has seen his society go through a lot of changes, so many changes he's started wondering when it's gonna change ('what even is real anymore?').
But that's just my interpretation.

But writing, writing gives me that escape. It gives me the ability to explore lands unknown and live in worlds unheard of outside of my room. Perhaps it is the writing that represents the biggest escape, keeping me curious and thoughtful. For now I shall write, and maybe write some more, so that these thoughts can be preserved forever more.

100% perfection <333
That concludes this review. I hope you found it helpful in someway, and if not, I hope it at least made your day <333
-Ashlyn

Hi BlueGlow,

Mailice here with a short review!

I think you like to write such short stories that come with a very deep meaning. While reading, I noticed that the more the narrative moved towards the end, a certain melancholy appeared that clings to the reader.

with its trees swaying in the wind and the wildflowers all in bloom like Bob Ross ran his brush over the ground.

This comparison is really well done and I can imagine quite vividly what you wanted to describe with the introductory sentence. It's also the first time I've read this combination of Bob Ross and something else, which is very refreshing.

For the "real world" keeps me trapped

I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm not sure about this at all, but the "for" feels so weird at this point. Wouldn't it be better with "but" here? Or does this have more of a literary, poetic background?

What even is real anymore?

It's a good idea to use a question to make the reader pause and think. But I would expand it a little bit, a sentence or two about what is real for you or what you want the reader to see as real and not real here. After all, you ask yourself the same question in the next sentence.

But writing, writing gives me that escape. It gives me the ability to explore lands unknown and live in worlds unheard of outside of my room. Perhaps it is the writing that represents the biggest escape, keeping me curious and thoughtful. For now I shall write, and maybe write some more, so that these thoughts can be preserved forever more.

I would look at this passage like a medal. There are two sides to everything. You write to escape, but maybe you escape because you write and realise what beautiful moments and memories you can create that you can never experience yourself. That's my interpretation of this passage. I like how you kept to one page here though, and only included the positive, otherwise the section would contrast with the previous ones. Your final sentence feels like a magic formula, as you start with a kind of exclamation (For now I shall write), which for me expresses the positive in this text. I also just noticed that the last sentence rhymes because you used "more" twice. That's great.


Partly with your comparisons and word formations, it felt like it was a poem. Although the story describes a more serious and sad subject, I think you managed to see something good and describe it in your words.
Your transition of sections from the first, which is mostly about nature (the outside world) to the third, which is about writing (your inner world), is very well done with the middle section asking the question, what is real? Is the inner world real? When you imagine something, is it real? As I said, it doesn't seem as if you want to express that you are lost, but that you have found a way to move on.

I also like very much that you put the short story into the categories Realistic and Fantasy.

Have fun with your writing!

Mailice