Dear blueAfrica,
I really would like to congratulate you on this short story. So well written. I disagree with you when you said that the title wasn't appropriate. I feel that it fits the story so well.
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
A/N: I need a better title, obviously, so any suggestions on that front are appreciated. The partial italicizing of dialogue is intentional, but let me know whether or not you think it works or if you can figure out how I chose what to italicize and what to leave alone.
The courtroom simmers with murmurs in the August heat. She resists the urge to tug at her collar, hugging her throat so tight she feels like she'll choke. Sweat creeps down her ribcage, the shirt feels claustrophobic, but her lawyer insisted.
It'll make a good impression, he'd said.
Why do I have to make a good impression? she'd asked. I'm not guilty.
Wear the damn sweater, he'd said.
She may not be guilty, but the audience makes her feel like she is. When she's on the stand, she sees the fire in their eyes, ready to burn her as a witch. When she's in her seat, she hears the whispers.
Such a nice boy.
A football player, right?
A good one. Led the team to states twice.
Funny, she thinks, how your ability to tackle people makes you nice.
He had such a bright future.
Tragic.
I don't think the sweater's helping, she tells her lawyer.
He shakes his head. Better to wear it.
She falls silent. She's learned to trust him, despite his brusque ways. His knuckles grow white as he grips his papers, though, and it worries her.
On the stand, the football hero spins a tale of alcohol and regrets. He tells the jury he never would have gone to the party if only he'd known what would happen that night and recounts, tearfully, the support of his girlfriend. The audience tears up, too.
Yes, he tells the defense attorney, he was drinking. The audience leans back in their pews, satisfied.
You see? He was drinking.
So it was the alcohol. I knew he'd never--
He didn't know what he was doing.
Couldn't be helped.
He was always such a sweet boy.
Then it's her turn with the defense attorney.
What do you remember about that night? but the memories are fuzzy.
That's not much, Miss Carter.
Will you tell the jury what you were wearing? and she understands why her lawyer had her wear the sweater. The defense paints her as a whore, because she wore short shorts and a tank top to a party in an unairconditioned house in July. The audience laps it up. She can only hope the jury won't.
The defense attorney's eyes bore into her.
Did you have anything to drink that night?
Her hands ball into fists. I'm not the one on trial, she says.
Her lawyer stands up, but the defense attorney ignores him. How much, Miss Carter?
Your honor, her lawyer says, but the judge silences him with a wave.
Did you consume any alcoholic beverages that night?
Answer the question, Miss Carter.
She tells them: a few beers. She started feeling woozy, so she stopped drinking, but a while later she passed out.
The audience erupts into hisses and jeers.
Drinking, the little slut.
What did she expect?
She should've known better.
It's her fault.
She's drowning in whispers. Hoe. Slut. Whore. And over and over again, everywhere, in an angry buzz like a swarm of hornets: It's her fault.
The judge gives him six months. It took longer than that for the case to go to trial, but he doesn't want to destroy the young football hero's bright future.
No one says a word about her future.
Three months later, he is released for good behavior. Not long after that, she sees him on the news. Sports. The team's first win since he got out and reclaimed his spot as team captain.
This is quite a triumph, a reporter says to him. Out of prison early, reunited with your old team--engaged, I hear? Congratulations--and now this win. It looks like your future's going to make an easy recovery from the unfortunate incident of last year.
Her rapist grins into the camera as the other players laugh and clap him on the shoulders.
I feel so blessed, he says. It's just like the good old days, before she happened.
Dear blueAfrica,
I really would like to congratulate you on this short story. So well written. I disagree with you when you said that the title wasn't appropriate. I feel that it fits the story so well.
I really liked this. This is truly a legitimate problem with our society. I'm not longer shocked by seeing and hearing things like this on the news, just angered by it. The only thing that would truly surprise me at this point is if a f***ing alien fell out of the sky and began to speak Spanish.
As for the writing, I thought it was very good. I would personally put quotations on the stuff where they're talking though, since it does say "he said" and "she said." But that's up to you. I really liked the use of the italicization. I remember seeing that used in a book in a similar way and liked it then, too. It works well. However, I would put the stuff asked by the defense lawyer/judge out of italics(and in quotations if you choose to do that with the other parts too), and keep what the audience says in italics.(Actually that book was Unwind by Neal Shusterman, I just remembered, and you should totally check it out sometime. It's one of the very few series revolving around teenagers that I like.)
So, I'd make that one part like this:
Then it's her turn with the defense attorney.
"What do you remember about that night?"
But the memories are fuzzy.
"That's not much, Miss Carter."
"Will you tell the jury what you were wearing?"
And then she understands why her lawyer had her wear the sweater. The defense paints her as a whore, because she wore short shorts and a tank top to a party in an unairconditioned house in July. The audience laps it up. She can only hope the jury won't.
The defense attorney's eyes bore into her.
"Did you have anything to drink that night?"
Her hands ball into fists. "I'm not the one on trial," she says.
Her lawyer stands up, but the defense attorney ignores him. "How much, Miss Carter?"
"Your honor," her lawyer says, but the judge silences him with a wave.
"Did you consume any alcoholic beverage that night?"
"Answer the question, Miss Carter."
And then after that, where the audience starts saying stuff, I'd keep that in italics. That's my suggestion anyway, you do what you prefer. Besides the quotations and italicization, the only other thing I have to point out grammar/writing-wise is this line:
"Sweat creeps down her ribcage, the shirt feels claustrophobic, but her lawyer insisted."
I feel like that should not all be one sentence. Feels like a run-on. Maybe like this instead:
"Sweat creeps down her rib cage. The shirt feels claustrophobic, but her lawyer insisted."
Other than that, it was really good. I did see a couple minor grammar mistakes, but I'm sure you can see where those are. Personally, I'd separate the last two sentences into separate paragraphs, but that's kind of an opinion thing. As for a title, here's a few suggestions, but that's up to you whether you like them or not.
Alternate titles:
Unbalanced Society
It Was Only the Alcohol
When a Jury's Made of Peers
A Society of Injustice
Wouldn't Want to Ruin a Man's Life
Three Months of Freedom, a Lifetime of Torment
When the System Fails
Such a Sweet Boy
Anyway, hope this review helped! This was a good short story!
Did you know that, unlike soldiers, police officers aren't taught to deescalate situations? Instead, they're told to basically grill whoever they're talking to and be forceful, which usually escalates the situation instead, causing things to be worse than they should be.
Wow. I was shocked to see that this had no reviews by the time I got here, but I now see why; there is nothing to critique! Expect this to be short and full of praise because that is all I got from this story. I found myself nearly writhing in anger at the accusations of the audience before her as if I was there, and I commemorate you for doing that, as not many people who aren't professional writers can do that. I think it is a great short story; it gives enough information to not leave the readers confused at the end, but at the same time, is hidden behind a cloak of mystery as we don't know her first name, or the name of her rapist.
Overall, this was very well written. Good job! 
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