Published September 11, 2010
You remind me all the time.
Every time I stand on the edge,
every time play I with the devil
but I know I'm young,
and yes I know my life is just getting started.
Hear yourself now,
hear you hold me back,
think to yourself now,
think you know it all...
you're wrong this time...
'Cause it's me taking chances,
'cause it's me living my life.
Don't you realise it's taking chances,
it's my dreams coming alive.
I don't want you approval,
don't want you to wave me on...
'cause it's me taking chances
don't take the chance away
Yeah it's crazy,
but it makes sense.
No it's not safe,
but I'm comfortable.
Its time you see it through...
time you understand
...It's me taking chances,
'cause it's me living my life.
Don't you realise it's taking chances,
it's my dreams coming alive.
I don't want you approval,
don't want you to wave me on...
'cause it's me taking chances
don't take the chance away
Can't you see what I see?
Can't your heart beat as fast as mine,
as I'm taking these chances?
Can't you believe like I believe?
Can't your smile be there
as I jump to the sky?
Can't you let it be?
Can't you let me take chances?
Can't you let me live my life?
Don't you realise it's me taking chances?
It's my dreams coming alive!
I want your approval,
I want you to wave me on.
'Cause it's me taking chances...
don't take the chance away...
away, away, away.
Take it with me.
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
hi ^-^. I'm RO and I'll be your reviewer for the day!
I liked this poem. At first I related, and about midway I felt disconnected, but the last stanza definitely brought me back in. Definitely just a matter of opinion there, though, and nothing to be worried about. I saw just a few errors near the beginning, and pointed them out above. The only issue I had was that i felt no pattern... I read this like I would read an essay. Didn't take away from the effectiveness, though! Good job.
Great poem. I like the ending best (In a non-insulting way
) I think there was a bit too much repetition. Generally if you can see words being repeated even from 60% zoom (Opera browser) then it's too much. I notice you're new, so let me ask: is this meant to be a song? If so then it's in the wrong forum, it's meant to be in LYRICS. If you're not sure, then just PM me or ask a Moderator (The guys with green usernames) to move it for you.
During the poem I got the feel that this is a child being held-back from truly doing what they want to do. However, the repetition and word choice irritated me a bit because in a long poem like this, you could at least say what you want to say and be specific, get it? Short poems might require more thought on stuff and are generally meant to be mysterious however long poems should draw emotion from us just by their topic and presentation (In my opinion).
Remember there are several ways to say something. At the moment you're just asking questions. Differentiate a bit. Make a statement: "You never let me look up." Get emotional! "Let me fly, despite the turbulence!" Word choice can convey this. Then you'll find the repetition falling away.
Otherwise, I love, Love, LOVE, LOVED! the last bit, which pretty much summed up your poem and let us see the denial in your voice.
Well done,
TheNewHero