Published October 23, 2011
The darkness I reject through my unrelenting will to prevent the evil barging into my life. The soul that drives me to go on weakens, as of exposed to the missery seeping into my world. I am Michael i do not surrender to the path of wrong. I dont help those who use the evil as a tool, to blight society.I am Michael. The world opens up every day to me and through my eyes i see the wrong, caused by humans.
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The darkness I reject through my unrelenting will to prevent the evil barging into my life.
The soul that drives me to go on weakens, as of exposed to the misery seeping into my world.
I am Michael I do not surrender to the path of wrong.
I don't help those who use the evil as a tool, to blight society.
I am Michael.
The world opens up every day to me and through my eyes I see the wrong, caused by humans.
I thought this was a very strong but careless poem, with one too many spelling mistakes and a lack of formatting or a formatting choice that just doesn't work for this kind of literature. It really did intrigue me, as to who this Michael fellow is, but beyond that; nothing past the ordinary hipster - "We're the good guys" hoo-ha.
I will make one further point, though; it reminded me of that angel named Michael? If that's what you were going for, then I applaud you.
Still, work on the re-reading and make sure the poem is appealing aesthetically in order to pull in a reader at first glance.
~JCK.
Some poetry is actually written like that. I don't think this was intended though.
Hey Bloodhound, welcome to YWS. Let's take a look.
Either capitalize "missery" if you mean the commune, or correct it to "misery." In red you have an inconsistency. "I" should be capitalized in all cases. The word "dont" should be corrected to "don't" or "do not." A space is needed where I've indicated.
This part is hard to make sense of.
You should probably put some kind of pause after "Michael." Example: "I am Michael, I do not surrender!"
Keep it up Bloodhound.
You might want to format this right.