Published November 20, 2012
I wrote this time ago, early in 2012.
Jady Keron was finally going to school.
"Here's your punch!" said her mother.
"Make new trends," said her father.
Jady went to school and saw a girl. "Hi, I'm Jady Keron. I'm new here."
"Talk to me again and I'll kick your jeans!"
Two people laughed. "I'm Jeanis Ian."
"And I'm Jeanien."
The became friends and Jady was going to sit with them at lunch when a boy talked to Jady. "I'm Jeanson. Do you want your jeans buttered?"
A girl interrupted. "Would you swap jeans with him?"
"No," replied Jady.
"Sit with us. We are the elastics, because we wear a lot of stretchy jeans. Geddit? Hee hee hee. I'm Rejeana, spelt R-E-J-E-A-N-A."
A stupid girl said "I'm Jean-Karen. Can you tell me how to spell Denim? Cos that's my surname."
A big-headed one said, "I'm Gretch-Jean. I know everything about your jeans."
Jasy said, "I'm Jady."
"Hi Jodie," said Jean-Karen.
"It's Jady."
"OK Jodie." said Jean Karen.
Jady said "My parents are out. So let's have a party."
Rejeana said "OK, we'll come but there are rules. Denim on Monday, Calvin Klein on Tuesdays, and you can only wear jeans once a week... So I guess you pinked today."
"But if you're the elastics, how cna you wear jeans once a week?" asked Jady.
"Well," explained Gretch-Jean. "It's not only trousers, we have Jeans jackets, hat and scarves. Also Jeans purses."
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At Jady's party, she forgot to invite Jeanien and Jeanis.
"You're long stretchy rubber elastic. You're a Jeans girls, your clothes need a stitch!" shouted Jeanis.
The people started leaving.
"This home is boring," said Rejeana.
"Jeans are so yesterday." She took off her jeans and Jady died of embarrassment.
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Hey there Blift!
"Make new trends," said her father.
The became friends and Jady was going to sit with them at lunch when a boy talked to Jady.
Jasy said, "I'm Jady."
Since there's not much content for me to review, I think I'll put on my Grammar Nazi cap and see if I can spot any problems.
Oh, here's one;
Spoiler
Beside the fact that I can't even imagine a father saying that, or anyone, the comma after trends should be a period. You'd only use a comma if you planned on continuing his speech right after.
Hm, let's see, oh! Here we go;
Spoiler
That should be 'they' as the first word, and this should be split into two sentences. Maybe like this:
They became friends. Jady was going to sit with them at lunch, until a boy started talking to Jady.
Oh, another few;
Spoiler
and
... So I guess you pinked today."
and
how cna you wear jeans once a week?"
All spelling mistakes. I'm pretty sure 'Jasy' is supposed to be 'Jady', fairly sure 'pinked' should be 'picked', and positive 'cna' should be 'can'.
Other than that, I believe the way you wrote this was done purposely. You know, all bland and non-descriptive. Don't take that the wrong way, it fits perfectly. Especially at the end, which I found myself giggling at.
Great job and keep on writing
Thanks haha
This is a really clever idea, how you compared it to Mean Girls. There are a couple of spelling errors, though. You said "Jasy" instead of "Jady." Also, when it comes to saying who said what, instead of constantly saying "said her mother" or "said her father," try "added her mother" or "her father said." When Jady went to school and saw a girl, that was way too rushed. You need to be a bit more descriptive.
Overall, nice job.
THANKS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH