Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
When Emma was born, her parents, Faith and Wade, immediately knew she was special. After the doctor wrapped little Emma in a soft, pink blanket and handed her off to her mother and father, Faith and Wade watched their little girl's eyes switch from a gray-blue coloring to a red-orange, and then back again. Faith looked up at her husband in shock.
"Well...it seems our daughter...is going to be very special," Wade said as he stared down at his newborn baby girl, who was smiling and gripping onto Faith's finger.
"What's her name?" a nurse asked at the hospital room doorway; a clipboard in her hand. Faith bit her lip, looking from Wade down to baby girl she gave birth to.
"I like the name Emma. What about you, Wade?"
"A perfect name," Wade answered, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder as they both now gazed lovingly at their new baby.
*******
"Mommy!" Faith jumped out of her daydream as six year old Emma ran up to her. Emma had unusual color hair now, dark purple, and her eyes still switched between two different set of colors.
"Yes, Emma?"
"Daddy said I wasn't allowed to wear my pretty blue dress!" Emma folded her arms and pouted just as Wade walked into the dining room.
"That's because someone might take you Emma. You will look so pretty, another family will try to take you away from us."
"No! No! Never!" Emma hugged her father's leg as Faith chuckled, and gentle patted her daughter's bottom.
“Go get ready, Emma. Unless you don't want to go out..." Faith said, laughing as her daughter gasped and ran to the stairs. Little Emma held onto the railing as she walked, tapping her chin with her free hand.
"Maybe mommy and daddy will let me wear my black and red dress," Emma though out loud, a bright smile on her face. Once Emma was at the top of the stairs, she rushed to her room. Her room was nothing like Little Emma's personality. The colors were dark; from the walls to her bed sheets. The walls were a deep purple with streaks white, the curtains were a dark forest green, and her bed sheets were black satin. The only think in Emma's room that wasn't dark was the carpet, which was white. Emma ran to her closet, and flung open the door, standing before all her bright and dark colored dresses.
"Hmmm," Emma mumbled, reaching up.She looked at each dress with a serious expression.
"Yellow? No, a little too bright. Orange? No, Aunt Ella hates that color. Daddy said no to blue. Purple? No, I wore that yesterday. Green? No..Oh!" Emma's face lit up in a bright smile as she pulled out a solid red dress that had white lace on the bottom hem and on the sleeves. Emma giggled, twirling around by her full length body mirror after putting on the dress.
"Mommy and Daddy will like this one. I should put on my shoes to finish it off," Emma giggled, plopping down onto the floor as she pulled out red flats. After she slipped her shoes on, the six year old jumped to her feet, and looked into the mirror once more, smiling at herself in approval. She ran out of her room, gripping onto the railing once she was at the staircase, and carefully hurried down the stairs. She ran to that dining room, jumping out from behind the corner to surprise her parents only to be shocked they weren't there anymore.
"Mommy?! Daddy?!" Emma shouted.
"Downstairs in the basement, Emma! Can you make sure all the bags are by the front door?!" Emma heard her mother's voice shout. Emma skipped to the front door, counting the three bags leaning against the right wall.
"All bags are there!" Emma sang. She turned around to go to the basement door when she heard someone knocking on the front door. Emma knew she wasn't allowed to open the door, but she wanted to prove to her parents that she was a big girl. She could hear her parents' footsteps walking up the basement stairs, and she quickly unlocked the front door.
"Emma, what are you doing?!" Wade shouted when he saw his daughter open the door for a complete stranger. The stranger gave the parents a soft yet sad smile and hugged Emma, picking her up as he did so.
"Let her go!" Faith shouted, but it was far too late. All Dixton did was smile again and teleported away from Emma's parents, cradling the scared little girl as he did so.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Helloo again!
So what I noticed immediately was that this chapter was more or less similar to the last one. The same pattern. Birth. House scene where you tell something about the child, and then dixton comes and takes her away. Yes I know it has to be the same, but try making it less predictable.
And the same thing with this chapter...
Why didn't Emma resist. Why didn't she fight or scream or do anything to evade dixton.
You have a good idea going on here, but give it more thought and detail.
I liked this chapter slightly more than the previous one, but this needs work too.
Looking forward to the next chapter
Hassan
What usually happens is that I get so excited about the chapters I write that I don't completely pay attention to much of the way I present the chapters. Thank you for letting me know! I'm glad that there are fresh eyes reading this, but I will warn you the last two chapters are a bit similar. Chapter 3 not too much being as it adds a different scene with the house as well.
Hi!
Also, good job with the carefree emotions of a six-year-old, especially concerning pretty clothes and the desire to be grown up.
Okay, so I'm gonna start by saying that you had an interesting mix of normal and unique going here, what with the whole magical color changing and the family atmosphere. Not to mention teleportation.
The very first sentences seem very sudden. I noticed that these parents don't seem to spend much time being happy that they've had a child, and are very focused on her.. um.. let's call them "abilities". I mean, of course, if your child's eyes suddenly changed colors you would be a bit perplexed, but still. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't sense the feelings of happiness that should be present in a moment like this.
They are also very abrupt in choosing her name, and it seems like they chose it on the spot, without thinking much into it or referring to past conversations on the topic. Is there perhaps an alternate reason for this, or is it just how you wrote it?
I said before that I like how you portrayed Emma's emotions, but I am going to put forward that I think you made her a little too speech orientated. She seems to like to talk to herself, and when she does, she tends to not speak like a six-year-old. For example, when she's picking out her clothes, her thoughts and words show a certain awareness and care that you wouldn't normally attribute to a child of that age. Also, I'm just curious, this section seems to be very focused on colors. Does this have anything to do with her abilities?
I didn't really focus too much on punctuation, grammar, or wording when I read this, but I'll say that nothing really jumped out at me, so you must have done all right.
Overall, you did a nice job. You should probably still work on the emotions an expressions of your characters a bit more, as well as the abruptness of certain parts in the work.
I have a quick question though. Why didn't Dixton teleport Maddison straight away like he did with Emma? It seems like he spent too much time in Maddison's house.
Anyways, keep up the the good work, and keep writing!
Cheers!
There is a reason as to why he spent more time at Maddison's house. It would ruin my little plot that I have if I actually tell you, so I'm sorry that I can't outright tell you ;3;. Emma's ability, I can tell you, if thermal energy sight. It means that she can see....well she can see what a human or animal's body heat. When you told me I spent time on the colors and then asked about her power basically, I actually had to go back and read it. I don't know if you thought it was a good idea or not, but, after I re-read it, it does work a little with her sight. As for grammar, I am actually terrible with it, haha. The one thing I have trouble with, which is what you have pointed out, is emotion. I use to be able to do emotions well enough, yet the description was terrible. I have to find the happy medium of well enough emotion and description. Thank you for your input!
Don't ruin your plot! I was just curious.
The thing about the colors of her clothes is, if her powers are thermal based, all of her clothes should appear blue. Although, I could see the perks of hinting color-related powers by referencing lots of colors. So yeah, either way, it's fine that you did that. 
Just keep on working at the whole emotions thing and you'll get better.
You're welcome for everything! Keep it up!