It always frustrated me, how I never stood up for myself. To be more precise it was a mixture of frustration, disgust and self-pity. It was always the same people being targeted and I was one of them. Always letting others step on me, disgrace me, beat me…and yet I just basked in self pity, never fighting back. Walking home horribly bruised was normal to me, lying to my family was normal to me, going home & crying myself to sleep was normal to me, wondering wether I should kill myself was normal…. .However, one day I had just…had enough. At that point I was too frustrated with myself, I knew I didn’t wanna die, I wanted to live & not simply exist but live!. Live my life to the fullest. I wanted to be able to let out a sigh of relief again, to feel at ease when sitting on my desk in the classroom, to look forward to my meals and be able to keep them down. I yearned for my old life, so I decided to fight for it. I knew this was no easy task, teachers didn’t care.
However, I opened up to my sister one day, I just simply wanted someone to hear me out & support me. It was a winter evening and I was on my way home. My bruised, dry skin throbbed in the cold air even though I tried my best to cover it with my hood. As I walked all I did was second guess wether I should tell my sister, I knew my parents weren’t an option because I simply wasn’t close enough with them. I eventually got home and the first thing I did was tend to my bruises. I had grown out my fringe just so I could hide the ones on my face, I would always wear long sleeved tops & full lengths trousers to hide the ones on my body, even at home when I went to bed. When I was done I decided it was time to finally tell my sister. As I exited the bathroom I bumped into her.
“Sorry”
“Oh, you’re back. You should go and have dinner” she said
“I…” I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out
“Yes?”
“It’s nothing” I replied
“Are you sure?” she asked, raising an eyebrow
“Yeah” I nodded, I bit my lip
“Ok” she said as she entered her bedroom
I headed towards the dining room to eat, except I felt sick. You’re pathetic, I thought. I was holding back tears. You have to tell her NOW. I marched towards her bedroom and knocked on her door.
“Come in”
I entered & closed the door, pressing my back to it. I looked down at the floor.
“What is it?” She asked
“I-I need to tell you something” I replied shakily
“What’s wrong?”
I hugged myself as I started to shake. My sister got up.
“Let’s go to the park” she said as she put a hand on my shoulder
I cannot explain to you how light my chest felt that night, after letting it all out, crying & screaming. It felt like a painfully heavy load was lifted off my chest.
“It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you what was wrong before” my sister told me as she caressed my hair
At the same time however, I wanted a chance to win this myself, to handle it on my own. I didn’t want my sister or anyone else to just solve my problems but I had to convince my sister since she was so adamant to take matters into her hands, so I did. I hated myself, I hated my character too much to not change it and I wanted to change myself by myself. So I started with the gym, I tried to get stronger then tried to strengthen my self-esteem. When the day came…the day I was painfully waiting for, I felt amazing, the taste of victory was…satisfying, but most of all it was refreshing. The victory I achieved myself. Maybe I should tell you exactly what happened: I didn’t try to fight from the first try, I decided to first let the bullies know I wasn’t scared of them in order to establish my dominance. The first few weeks were difficult, I could not lie to myself. After all I was still scared of them. I started with little things, calling them names, looking them in the eye…I still remember the anxiety I was trying so hard to suppress as I said those words, it was a constant battle with my emotions and thoughts but I’m proud to say now, as I sit typing this out, that I mastered up the courage, I pushed myself. When a month or so passed, things got a little easier, as you would expect. This is when I started using my hands, the first few times I was defeated but I kept putting more & more pressure on myself to be better until I finally did it. I was finally able to establish my dominance & defend myself. At the time, if you had suggested that I could do this a few months back, I would’ve ignored you, pretending I couldn’t hear you because that’s how low my self-esteem was. Especially as a girl. I know I was able to change for the better because I wanted to. I knew I didn’t want to die for some pitiful, cruel humans. I wanted to live!.
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140,073 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Wow... this was great. I was hooked after the first paragraph. Unfortunately, for me it felt like the story started out so strong, then slowly let go of the feeling that was conveyed in the beginning.
From my perspective, this feels like a very personal story, so I will not criticize things that I feel could make the story flow better because it would not be appropriate for this type of writing.
I spotted some mistakes here and there, (Let me know if you want me to point them out) but they were not major enough that it disturbed the flow when reading.
Regardless of my own personal opinions, this was not bad at all. The flow was great and you express emotion very well through your writing. I do not know if you have had any previous experiences of similar writing or not, but this was remarkable.
I thoroughly enjoyed the read and I am looking forward to what you produce in the future!
//E
Hi. thanks for the review. "I was hooked after the first paragraph. Unfortunately, for me it felt like the story started out so strong, then slowly let go of the feeling that was conveyed in the beginning."- Why is that? If you can explain it any further dont hesitate to do so!
"From my perspective, this feels like a very personal story, so I will not criticize things that I feel could make the story flow better because it would not be appropriate for this type of writing."- I dont understand what you mean very well but if youre worried about offending me I don't mind at all! I would love to hear ANY feedback you have. Dont worry about that!
"I spotted some mistakes here and there, (Let me know if you want me to point them out)"- Ofcourse! point out anything that can make me to improve.
Short steffenate review:
Very beautifully written, I love the urgency closer to the end and the self-reflection. It felt so real that one would wonder whether its just a story or the authors story. The story is very realistic down to the way the protagonist speaks to the sibling.
Anxiety is a very important issue and needs to be spoken/written more about so I am grateful that you wrote this, it will help people.
My only qualm is that there are too many instances where you use 'I', I understand that the story is told in first person but you should be careful not to cause unwanted repetition.
Thank you soo for the review. It would be amazing if my story helps people!
Also the bullying I experienced wasnt actually this severe but Im glad you think the story feels realistic regardless!
About the repetition of %u201CI%u201D How do you think I could fix this? Could you maybe give me few examples?
To be honest it seems in order to fix this I would have to change the sentences a lot, which Im honestly reluctant to do.
Use 'my' more or specific feelings for example:
Instead of 'I felt cold' you'd say 'my cheek felt a frozen breeze slice past it'.
So more specific and without using I. That's just how I do it anyway.
Hope it helps
Ok, I will look through it & see what I can change. Thanks
Hi Blak! I'm here for a short review.
I really enjoy reading this and I truly love this piece of dramatic writing you've written here. This story is beautiful in its own way with its interesting title and descriptive illustration pulled me into keep on reading it. I am really impressed by this story, because I used to think I was the only one who was bullied, I was the only one who wanted to suicide, and I was the only one who never fought back. Yet I did one day and I'm standing here tall and straight as if I never was alone and depressed.
This is really an amazing story that contains so much of who I used to be. I love this story, but I have one suggestion for you and you're divine writing. A suggestion if only a suggestion and I don’t want to offend you if you meant it to be that way, so if think it will be helpful for you because it was my misunderstanding, please let me know.
You strengthen out sentences a bit too long, connected with commas it might look okay, but it kind of breaks the atmosphere that is full of bile and anger. I suggest you cut down the sentence to sentences, if it’s possible for you.
For example:
I still remember the anxiety I was trying so hard to suppress as I said those words, it was constant battle with my emotions and thoughts but I’m proud to say now, as I sit typing this out, that I mastered up the courage, I pushed myself.
There are a few mistakes, but I think you could figure them out yourself by rereading it a few times.
Overall, it’s a really beautiful piece of story you’ve written. I love it and I enjoyed reading this wonderful story thoroughly.
Keep on writing!
Your reviewer,
Chris
Hi! Thank you so for reviewing my work.
To be completely honest, the bullying I experienced wasn%u2019t actually this severe. I%u2019m not sure if this story is that realistic but oh well.
And by the way I%u2019m not offended at all. In fact I prefer reviews to be brutally honest so I can improve. And yes I%u2019ve been told before that my sentences are too long. I actually read over the story more than once to try & shorten the sentences, I always struggle with this. So should I just replace the commas with periods?
I don%u2019t know what%u2019s up with my comment %uD83D%uDE05 but wherever there%u2019s a %u201C I%u2019m%u201D I meant %u201CI am%u201D
I%u2019m really happy you liked my story & you were able to relate to the main character. Im also glad to know you fought back & overcame the bullying you were experiencing. Also dont be afraid to point out all the faults in my writing next time. Have a nice day!
Thank you.
I think you could replace a few commas with periods. It happened to me before because I was a detailed writer. Other sentences that are long maybe it's because you used "and" a bit too much. It could be because in some places you wrote commas when you didn't really need it and it was just a matter of fact thing.
Here's a tip that might be useful, I'm not sure it would help you shorten up the sentences, but you can scan it on Grammarly to see if tells you why the sentences are quite so long.
By the way, I found a misspelled word today by rereading it.
"As I walked all I did was second guess wether I should tell my sister
, I knew my parents weren%u2019t an option because I simply wasn%u2019t close enough with them.
"wether" is spelled "whether"
Another thing, you wrote "my" twice at this part.
"This is when I started using (my my) hands, the first few times I was defeated but I kept putting more & more pressure on myself to be better until I finally did it"
Thanks for letting me know.
Keep on writing!
I would love to read other works written by you!
>Chris
Thank you.
I think you could replace a few commas with periods. It happened to me before because I was a detailed writer. Other sentences that are long maybe it's because you used "and" a bit too much. It could be because in some places you wrote commas when you didn't really need it and it was just a matter of fact thing.
Here's a tip that might be useful, I'm not sure it would help you shorten up the sentences, but you can scan it on Grammarly to see if tells you why the sentences are quite so long.
By the way, I found a misspelled word today by rereading it.
"As I walked all I did was second guess wether I should tell my sister
, I knew my parents weren%u2019t an option because I simply wasn%u2019t close enough with them.
"wether" is spelled "whether"
Another thing, you wrote "my" twice at this part.
"This is when I started using (my my) hands, the first few times I was defeated but I kept putting more & more pressure on myself to be better until I finally did it"
Thanks for letting me know.
Keep on writing!
I would love to read other works written by you!
>Chris
Ok. Thanks!
Another thing I forgot to say:
I did get bullied few years ago when I was younger, but the thing is I was an introvert, and being bullied got me pretty much hopeless. And I was just so tired hearing people saying I'm weird and socially awkward.
I still feel lonely often and would love to have anyone to talk to. The main reason I feel lonely is because I had depression when I was in fourth grade.
I felt like this:
Griffen knew what it was like to be alone and to hope for someone to understand him. His uncle had lived that way, nursing his hurt and disappointment for years and years.
(Quoting "No place like Holmes" by Jason Lethcoe")