Elegy of Flight
Chapter six: Pig Child
Tuesday brought with it sunshine. Wide beams of warmth that seemed to somehow even shine beneath the shadows. It could have been the perfect day; classes were called off for the annual "recreation" day. It was a day to celebrate sporting and the outdoors, teams and various clubs would set up open practices, in where they practiced at their arts and let others watch or express interest in trying or joining in. There were outdoor botanical lessons, as well as other spontaneous activities. Many people, and most of the girls, set up picnics with their friends and spent the entire day lazing on the grassy grounds of the school and its gardens.
That was exactly what Carina and Naomi had planned to do- just like last year. Back at that time Carina had bought her viola outside and tried to mock bird noises that they listened to. Surrounding the school's fields and grass hills was a dense forest which spanned not only adjacent to the sschool but thickened to surround the outskirts of town. Although the forest acted as a sort of boundary line and was forbidden to access it without permission and supervision, Carina and Naomi often found themselves sneaking off into its trees, dancing under the canopy which sieved down leaves and flowers. Watching the birds fly, watching them dart across from tree to tree. Listening.
Adventures were not just limited to bird watching, but also wandering, as long as they kept the landmark of the schools hedge in sight. Once they had become lost, only for ten minutes, but the fear and excitement had been exhilarating.
Now there was nothing.
No Naomi. No birds. No adventures. Just an empty sinking loneliness. Carina sat now on the grass. Nothing by her side, or in her hands. She simply sat, staring at the hedge and the forest beyond it, waiting for nothing. She had rejected Georges offer to come play tennis, and the teachers offer to help out in the lessons. She just wanted to be alone.
The hedges around the skirt rustled softly, accompanied by a muffled grunt. The forest had been known to contain a variety of beasties such as rabbits, porkers and forlorn deer, but apart from the occasional rodent hole Carina had not seen much evidence of them before. A snout protruded from the leaves, and then from it a head. Hot and black angry eyes peered, the ugly long face grew larger and thicker.
Carina stood up instantly, her heartbeat increasing. In front of her stood the biggest and angriest wild sow she had ever seen in her life. Frozen on the spot she did not move, hoping it would go away, however it did not and instead charged right at her.
Carina sprinted up and away as fast as she could. The sow was fat, but it still had a good run on her. Carina screamed, both to try scare it away or to cry for help, but the large pig was unrelenting. Urging her short legs to run after across the lawn was an effort, as Carina was not naturally athletic. The pigs grunts grew louder by the moment.
"Carina!" A distant voice yelled, "Keep running!" Carina kept her focus forward and did as the voice told her, crossing another expanse of grass. In a matter of moments Anne jumped out beside her. She was in her sports uniform, hair tied back, almost floating as she kept pace with Carina. She was holding a heavy looking cricket bat under her arm.
"That way!" Anne yelled, pointing in the direction of the archery range. Carina nodded and veered her direction. In a way she hoped that the porker had taken up Anne's trail instead, but it was still after her. After a moment Carina realized she had veered too harshly, and was now going to get cornered against the forest. She panicked and lost a step, slowing her down slightly.
Anne leaped, the bat wielded like a sword, it came down on the pigs head, making a sick crunch. The pig tottered, lost its balance for a moment, wiggling on its side. Anne doubled over, panting. However the sow was not done, it returned to its feet, making a noise so sinister and ugly, even more furious than before. It was just about to ram Carina. A bright streak of red was caught in the corner of Carina's eye. It pierced the air faster than a blink and embedded itself in the sows flank. An arrow. Carina whipped her head around to see Alistair, about a hundred meters away, bow in hand and approaching at a walking pace. The sow squealed and staggered before limping away into the bush, arrow still lodged in its side.
He could have hit me. He could have easily hit Carina... at that far distance... and at the closeness of her to the pig. He was insane.
Carina let her head fall back on the grass, exhausted from the sprint, her mouth was dry and tasted like metal.
"Are you alright?" Alistair's voice came across. Carina lifted her head, hoisting herself up on her elbows. He was speaking to Anne, who was doubled over in a crouch, clutching around her chest, panting even louder. Carina felt a pang of worry and guilt. Anne had sprinted so fast in order to catch up to her, and now she looked like she was in a terrible condition.
Alistair looked over to Carina, his face too was pressed with worry.
"Help me." He took Anne around the back and lifted her under her arms. Carina jumped out and tried to help, but wasn't sure what to do. Alistair glanced at the bow he had left laying on the ground. Carina obediently picked it up- it was heavier than she had expected.
"I have a heart condition" Anne explained seeing, Carina's confused expression. "I just exerted myself too much at once." She sighed.
"I'm fine Alistair, you can put me down." Anne's voice sounded so much less powerful that usual. Her heaving chest slowed and her whole body seemed to relax back for a moment. Alistair seemed hesitant to put her down.
"I can walk, its fine. It only happened because I sprinted without a buildup." Alistair released her to the ground slowly, then held out his hand for the bow that Carina handed to him.
Carina put her hand on Antoinette's shoulder. "Thanks Anne, I... I really am grateful to you, I guess I second guessed you especially after..."
Anne held up a pale hand. "Carina. We will always defend you."
~~~
~A week earlier~
'Antoinette?'
'Hmm?'
'If something happens to me... do you remember that promise you made me?'
'Don't be silly Naomi. What do you mean if something happens to you?'
Naomi took another sip of her sugar saturated tea. "Like, if I die."
Anne gave a pleading glance at Alistair, but his face just sat motionless on the red feathered pillow. He seemed so out of place in the dimly lit room. Sometimes it could be wondered if he only attended their little 'tea parties' because he felt compelled to by force.
"Why do you say that, Nao?" Anne said, questioning her rash statement.
Naomi placed the cup down and curled her smooth brown hair behind her ears.
"Well... I just have this feeling. I know I'll get my wings soon, fly like the birds. But just... if something goes wrong."
Antoinette sighed, Nao had spoken so much of this, her dreams were so passionate, but was she taking them just a little too vividly? But there was no harm in listening to her words.
"Well, I suppose, after all we did promise."
Naomi smiled at these words and leaned in closer to Anne. She beckoned to Alistair and he too joined the huddle.
"Also" she whispered, almost mischievously, "my journal is hidden in the empty birdcage in my room. It has a fake bottom and it lifts up at the corner." She was quite pleased at herself in sharing this information. She was proud of the hiding place and her cleverness in creating it. On numerous times Naomi had found her room disturbed, as yet another had searched for the brown journal.
Alistair placed his hand on Nao's knee and looked at her sincerely. Antoinette too had her head tilted with a soft sigh waiting on her lips. Naomi was being paranoid, but the fact that she revealed the location of her book was proof of it. If Naomi believed so strongly that she would have her wings then why did she harbour this doubt?
"Nao..." Anne started but Naomi interrupted.
"I know what I'm doing Anne, I will fly for us both, we will be set free. I will not betray the vows I made to myself. You have helped me to an incredible extent recently and I thank you for that, but you just need to trust me on this and that I share with you this information for a reason."
At this it could have been said that Anne's expression darkened. In response to such determined words she had given up her soft smile and only replaced it with her most ordinary cunning one.
"Alright Naomi." She said, "I remember our promise, and so it shall be."
Alistair nodded also, even though he usually remained speechless, words were important at this point.
"We will act as you asked and too, will not betray." He stated. Naomi smiled at them both and let out a sigh of relief.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey
,
Aren't you the happiest person in this world XD

)
))

Pretty much just say my direct feelings towards the chapter!
Guess who's here to review?
The one and only!
Yes yes, it's me
Anyways, jokes apart let's get the reviewing done!
Okay now I am going to be reviewing this like a critique sandwich because of the lack of time. first starting with the things I literally loved in your book, then going to the negatives which weren't that big of a deal but hey, you should know so that you can become more amazing of a writer, and then third where I say the conclusion! Trust me, the conclusion is like the best part.
So let's begin.
Positives:
*I like your character descriptions and their personalities. And I admire the fact that you been in an anti romance club are trying to make progress in the sections of love all because of your story! Know if I hadn't read the previous chapters I wouldn't be saying this but as I have I can totally tell that Alistair and Carina's friendship has more to it then anyone can imagine!
*I like your writing style. Now it's really difficult t read a story with a bad writing style even if the book's plot is amazing so yea, good writing style and you get another positive
*Then coming to the plot, It's mysterious and that's what's keeping me glued to the story so yeah, another positive.
*Your base of the story seems strong and I can see that this story will end up quite nicely.
((mores there but again, lack of time!))
Now coming to the negges:
**The story's a little confusing as I can't solve the mystery (What? According to me it's a negative) (Yea, I suck at critique and stuff like that)(BUt I will do it anyways
**Cliffhanger! *folds hands and starts nagging like a child* I don't like cliffhangers! They make it so much more mysterious!
((That's all for now
Conclusion:
The best part
I loved it!
That's all
The one and only once again,
Umaima
Have a Happy review day!
Knight Dragon here to continue reviewing.
All right, here we go.
This sentence (comma splice aside) reads really roughly. "It was a day to celebrate sporting and the outdoors, teams and various clubs would set up open practices". When you transitioned, it caught me so off guard that you broke the reading flow pretty hard. I'd suggest changing the comma to a period here only for that reason.
"Back at that time Carina had bought her viola outside" Misspelling; you want "brought", not "bought".
Caught another misspelling: "not only adjacent to the sschool but", school has two ss.
With this sentence, "Carina sat now on the grass", did you mean "sat down"? It's just really disrupting otherwise.
Missing possessive apostrophe here, "She had rejected Georges offer", as well as on "teachers".
Why did you start in italics and then transition to standard? You should have just left it in italics the entire time, or not started out in them.
This sentence, "We will act as you asked and too, will not betray", took about three rereading to try to figure out what you were saying. Maybe you should reword it.
Content:
Yay, I now have one thing tying the two together. They both made a promise to Naomi. But all the questions it raises leaves me feeling like the more I get to know them, the less I know. I thought Alistair rarely talked. But apparently he talked quite regularly with Naomi and Anne. And how was Anne so close to Naomi? You present her as sort of the 'outcast' in the beginning, the girl who's always by herself and has no friends. So how did she become Naomi's friend, and how were they so close? Why wasn't Carina in this 'secret group' if she was close to Naomi as well? So it seems that there are many unanswered questions yet to be resolved.
I wrote the betrayed sentence like that on purpose. And Alistair only says on sentence per scene or so, its not that much. But I like leaving you with questions because it means you'll keep reading.