I'm usually not a fan of "suspenseful" writings like this one, but I found that I actually quite enjoyed this!
I didn't expect such a short piece to be able to get across what was needed, but you managed to do so, very well might I add.
It had the length of a poem, yet the content of something you would find in a novel, and you made that go perfectly together.
You also introduced me to flash fiction, I hadn't heard of it beforehand, but will definitely look into in the future if it is similar to this.
The only criticism I have is that you repeated some words unnecessarily("I heard more breathing, quieter breathing." could have been "I heard more breathing, quieter this time.
"There was a cold scraping, and then another cold scraping." could have just been "There was a cold scraping, followed by another.") You may also want to use more synonyms, using the same word over and over can be a bit jarring, using a different word with the same meaning can remedy that. It really only becomes a problem when you do it in close proximity, and to be honest I oftentimes find myself doing the same lol.
Those are just minor wording related complaints, otherwise, you did an outstanding job! I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
Points: 270
Reviews: 5
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