Hey mah dood, I'm here finally.
"Before Dad went away last time, we had an argument," Janet said. Ironically she was staring at the spot on the table that Daena had been directing her nervous energy towards a moment before.
Umm. This sentence actually confused me. Like, I think I get what you're trying to say, that Janet has a lot of nervous energy in re-telling her story just like Daena has waiting for Dad but then again, I don't know. It just seemed like an awkward phrase.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Daena asked. Is she hesitant? Does she want to know but is not sure if it's stepping a line? Janet DID just storm off
Janet took another deep breath, then looked up into Daena's eyes. "Yeah, yeah I think I do. It was dark. I hate how early it gets dark in winter. does she say this as loud as the rest, or just kind of as an aside to herself in a quieter tone? Anyway, I was just coming back from collecting some money and-"
There was a knock at the door. Daena looked from Janet to the door, and back. Should she Ali answer the door and take Daena to the bedroom or something? But then the door swung open with a long, quiet creak. But in the abrupt silence, the creak sounded more like a loud, angry screech.
So I know this is a big chunk to copy+paste but... okay here goes. It feels too fast. I Get the idea. You build up the tension, we are getting to find out why they're not on good terms yay, and then boom Evil Ex Machina. HOWEVER, it felt rushed. Is Janet nervous about telling Daena cuz it seems like a big deal? Would she look into her eyes the whole times she says this? It would slightly freak me out. I feel like it just went too fast. Like in a movie there would be a pause, then she would say "wanna talk?", then Janet would hesitate, then shake her head, then start slowly, and say "Yada yadayada" And how does Daena respond? Does she lean in, drop her gaze? Then you've got a couple nitpicks
Gordon's embrace was warm and strong, everything Daena had longed for over the past six months. Oddly, now that she was finally experiencing it, in a way it actually didn't feel incredible as she'd been expecting. Instead, it just felt right. It felt normal.
Love this. For one thing, it's heartwarming, and for another, it's actually very true. Like you expect something like this, or a kiss with a boyfriend/girlfriend or a hug to be this like fireworks things but instead, it's just perfect and RIGHT.
okay, so Ali is adorbs I'll adopt like yesterday <3
But maaaaan what just happened? I feel like there's so much stuff that we have no idea about that turned this SO sour so fast. It's got me interested but also thrown for a loop because it didn't seem like there was this much tension. I think part of it (or most of it) came from Ali. He seemed totally fine the past two chapters, never once mentioning, let alone complaining about the blacksmith job. I think mentioning it earlier but having him shrug it off like it's ok, giving us time to sympathize and worry for him would make this impact us a lot more.
And what is there mom's job? That part confused me. It's just a minor thing, and maybe I missed (or forgot ) but I'm curious.
I hope that wasn't super nitpicky. I felt like I had a lot of thoughts to say, but I tried to condense it to the most important ones. I'll be hitting chapter 3 right away.
~Mess
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