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Young Writers Society



Doctor Who Fanfic - Chapter 1

by ExOmelas


A/N: Suggestions for a title would be greatly appreciated.

"Ooh-eeh-oooooh!" Raven crowed as she swooped past the living room's couch and coffee tables. "Dunu denu denu denu."

She sank to the ground in front of the television and glued her eyes to the image of the big blue box swirling in the vortex. She grinned and spun her soft-toy Dalek around in her hands. Its bronze hues blurred together as it danced in circles in time with the TARDIS on the screen. With a final DUNU, the TARDIS whizzed out of the vortex and onto the peaty marsh of some foreign planet.

The creak of the door signalled that the adventure was about to begin. The hand curling around the door's edge had painted nails. Amy. Amelia Pond all grown up. Such a shame, Raven thought, Kids are way better at adventures than adults. Then all three were outside the doors of the TARDIS: Amy, Rory and the Doctor.

As the Ponds took in their surroundings, the Doctor took a moment to right his bow tie and ping his braces. The swampland stretched for perhaps a mile or so, at which point the forest seemed to peter out in favour of lazily rolling fields. Some of the vines hanging down over the marshes were of a purplish bronze hue but other than that the place seemed roughly Earth-like. Raven sighed. They never seemed to go to anywhere as awesome as Skaro anymore.

"Ponds!" the Doctor called, "Don't venture too far. There's probably something in that swamp somewhere."

Amy looked back at him over her shoulder and shouted, "Only probably?"

"Just stay close, okay?" the Doctor returned.

Amy knotted her brow. Raven understood. When the Doctor uses the word 'just' in a sentence, something is definitely wrong. He doesn't do anything by half.

Rory and Amy linked hands, walking forward as if they were strolling along the Champs-Élysées. They were lost in each other. Husband and wife, locked in each others' existences. Raven loved moments like this: when Amy forgot about the Doctor for a moment and Rory didn't have to complete with a gallavanting space alien.

They were so lost in each other, in fact, that neither of them noticed the wobbly purplish haze advancing rapidly towards them. A high-pitched warbling emanated from the encroaching wall. Amy's head jerked up, closely followed by Rory's. With a joint sharp gasp, they froze in place with fright.

The haze was upon them before they had time to process the danger and they were gone within seconds. Raven cried out in distress, then remembered Steven Moffat was writing, meaning the Ponds could be resurrected, killed again, erased from existence and completely rewound by the end of the episode.

The Doctor, however, was aware of no such imminent plot twists.

"Amy!" he cried, "Ponds!"

He hadn't even seen it happen. He'd been facing the other way. He didn't have time to investigate, however, as the wall hadn't stopped powering forward. Either he followed them or tried to find them using the TARDIS. The logical scientist within him told him to save himself but his hearts of course were screaming at him to run, run faster than he possibly could after his friends.

To Raven's relief, the scientist won. He hurled himself into the TARDIS and clambered up the steps to the console three at a time. He clutched at a lever and, as he slammed it down onto the console's surface, he propelled himself a quarter of the way around the bulking unit. He jabbed at buttons, his panic almost making him set the time co-ordinate to the very beginning of civilisation.

"I've had enough dinosaurs on spaceships!" he cried to the air. Raven chuckled. That had been a good episode. Lestrade from Sherlock had been a womanising explorer and Ron's dad from Harry Potter had both been Rory's father. Then they'd all ridden a triceratops through a spacestation. Then somehow they'd been on a beach ... Best not to think about the logistics of a show when Steven Moffat's involved.

With a final grasp of a control, the Doctor had set the TARDIS whizzing back through the vortex. Raven held her breath as she waited to see where the TARDIS would land. The Doctor had to know where Amy and Rory had been taken, right? He had to. How else was he going to save the Ponds?

"For thirty-two thousand pounds, is the answer (a) the Democratic Republic of Congo (b) the Central African Republic (c) the Weimar Republic or (d) the Falkland Islands?" asked Chris Tarrant.

What the?

Why was Who Wants to be a Millionaire? on? What happened to Doctor Who? Raven blinked. No weeping angels in sight. Just a decades old quiz show with a played out format and a host who'd been impersonated by so many comedians over the years that soon people would be impersonating the impersonators.

Then she heard it: a low groaning, like a rocking chair caressing a rotting porch. It came from behind her. Could it be? No. Just no way. She swivelled slowly around and nearly careened backwards. It was right there: the big blue police box that promised the world was about to be saved.

She rose shakily to her feet and swallowed as much air as she could. Her stomach twisted tight and her insides seemed to be squeezing her tight like a Victorian corset. It was there! It was right there in the middle of her living room! The box dwarfed her three seat couch and made everything around it seem dim and blurry.

She darted forward and raised her hand to knock. Her stomach knotted and her hand halted. She took one more deep breath and knocked on the door, the quiz show still trundling on in the background.

"Doctor?" she called.

The door swung open and a rather sweaty fringe peeped out of the low lights within. A chin followed, jutting out of the doorframe. Finally, the face of the Doctor, in his eleventh incarnation, was leading his gangly frame out into Raven's living room.

"Amy!" he cried. His eyes rested on Raven and his mouth slammed shut.

"Hello," Raven whispered, not trusting her voice to raise any higher without wobbling violently.

"Um, hello there," the Doctor murmured, a frown digging shallow V's into the flesh of his brow.

"I'm Raven," she breathed. She tried to peek around him to see inside the TARDIS. Could it really be bigger on the inside?

"You're not Amy," the Doctor noted, glancing from side to side and taking in all of the living room.

"No, I'm not. I'm Raven," Raven repeated, "Excuse me, sir, but ... is that the TARDIS?"

The Doctor spluttered, his chin waggling from side to side.

"Yes," he said, "Who are you? What are you? Are you a Time Lord?"

"No. I'm a human - I think," said Raven, "But I've been watching you every Saturday night for as long as I can remember."

"How can you have been watching me?" the Doctor seemed to spring backward slightly, as if in fright. How could the Doctor be scared of an eleven-year-old girl. The Family of Blood popped into Raven's head and she admitted that eleven-year-olds could certainly be terrifying.

"On TV," Raven pointed behind her at the television. From the cheering, Raven reckoned someone had won the million pounds. The one time something interested happened on that show.

Raven whipped her head back round to face the Doctor. "Can I see inside? Please?"

The Doctor sounded distracted as he replied, "Um, yes, I suppose. Don't, uh, touch anything, okay?"

Raven nodded and darted around his frame - into the TARDIS.


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Sun Oct 11, 2015 3:20 am
ElricoverCullen says...



I just loved this chapter, it was kind of cute that Raven was like almost frozen in place. I swear she was secretly inwardly fangirling. Is there a chapter two? If not, please make another one, I would definitely read it! :)




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Fri Sep 04, 2015 7:36 am
ThePhoenix wrote a review...



...
D:
It's been a year and you still haven't done chapter two...
Unless you gave up on it.
In which case.
NOOOOOOO!

But I'll review it anyway.

The creak of the door signalled that the adventure was about to begin.


Ehm, not trying to sound mean but I'm pretty sure that the adventure starts as soon as the intro ends. I think by adventure you meant when the Doctor actually has to do something to save the world/planet.


painted nails. Amy. Amelia Pond all grown up.


I think you should've used the enter key after "nails.". Also I don't think "Amy" was needed. Get rid of that. Instead try:
"Amelia Pond. All grown up."
Or something... If you still plan on continuing this...
Which you probably don't... But anyway.


the Doctor took a moment to right his bow tie


Replace "right" with "adjust".


at which point the forest seemed to peter out


I think you meant to type "peer out" instead of "peter out". Funnily enough, peter actually means gradually decrease.

Image

He doesn't do anything by half.


Tiny mistake. You meant "halves". Not "half".


Rory didn't have to complete with a gallavanting space alien.


Again, tiny mistake. "complete" and "gallivanting".


They were so lost in each other, in fact, that neither of them noticed the wobbly purplish haze advancing rapidly towards them.


Ehm, were they staring at each other while walking? Because you didn't state that...


Raven cried out in distress, then remembered Steven Moffat was writing, meaning the Ponds could be resurrected, killed again, erased from existence and completely rewound by the end of the episode.


I dunno. You might want to rephrase this entire sentence.
Try something like:
"Raven cried out in distress, before realising that Steven Moffat was writing this episode, meaning that the Ponds could be killed (again), erased from existence and resurrected all before the end of the episode."


The Doctor sounded distracted as he replied, "Um, yes, I suppose. Don't, uh, touch anything, okay?"



Ehm, isn't the Doctor afraid (to an extent) of the little girl? I don't know about you but I wouldn't let someone I was afraid of come inside my house (the Doctor pretty much lives in the TARDIS... JUST WORK WITH ME HERE).
Also, what reason would the Doctor have to be afraid of her? I mean, granted she could be anything. But this isn't how the Doctor would react to just meeting someone.


So anyway. That's all I have. This review was a bit rushed...
I apologise for that.

PHOENIX OUT!




ExOmelas says...


Wow I totally forgot about this. Yeah I pretty much only did this as a fun thing for AdrianMoon. Thanks for the feedback though :)



ThePhoenix says...


D:

NOOOOO!
YOU MUST DO MORE!



ExOmelas says...


... I'll think about it ;)



ThePhoenix says...


:D



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Sun Oct 26, 2014 1:45 am
Amnesia wrote a review...



Wait im confused. Is this talking about The show like episodes that the show did?
That's what confused me the most.

Amy is the one who wanders alot so she's going to get into trouble. Maybe instead of having the Doctor tell her to stick close "Just in case" have him tell her to "Stick close to us this time so nothing happens" it tells the readers that Amy likes to be adventurous. Shows that its in her nature.
All in all its a great story plot :)




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Tue Oct 21, 2014 9:03 pm
RedMoon says...



I love Doctor Who! I love this too!
Oh, that rhymed. Cool. :D This is awesome, by the way. Like I said I love Doctor Who, and I like it when people make up their own stories. I do it all the time in my head, I'm just not brave enough to write it down and post it on the web. Thanks for this. You really made my boring day!




ExOmelas says...


Yay thank you! And if you like I can read something before you post it? anyway, thank you again!



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Sun Oct 12, 2014 2:31 am
wakarimasen says...



Really, really nice! I always love a good Doctor Who fanfiction.

So *that* is where I've seen Lestrade before.... :D Also, the guy who played Solomon has made a few other appearances in the Whoniverse.




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Sat Oct 11, 2014 2:34 am
ThereseCricket says...



*cough* I've never watched a Doctor Who episode in my life, but regardless of that, I'm still liking this as it was extremely well written. Keep writing! :D




RedMoon says...


You should....



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Fri Oct 10, 2014 8:32 pm
themagicofwords wrote a review...



Thank-you for your story! I loved it and it's the first time I've read something about the Doctor that has seemed to really take me into the show with my imagination going wild! I love all the references about Stephen Moffat and his crazy but amazing stories! Maybe one day he'll decide to actually make an episode with a little girl watching the Doctor on the screen then meeting him - I'd love it if that did happen as it would make Doctor Who feel a lot more apart of this world and this reality we're living in rather than always being in some parallel reality elsewhere. So basically, well done - it's a great story! When will chapter two be posted? And I'm also curious what you think of Peter Capaldi taking on the role and becoming Dr 12? So far I'm really liking him but I'd love to hear how you're finding him! :-)




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Fri Oct 10, 2014 4:37 pm
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selena1227 says...



Oh my goodness!! This is amazing!! I love Doctor Who so much!! It would be so cool if this actually happened! Good job and I can't wait to read more!! :). Gah I love this so much!!! :)




ExOmelas says...


Yay, I'm glad! Your avatar is adorable by the way :D



selena1227 says...


Oh thank you!! Your avatar is really cute too!! :D



ExOmelas says...


Thanks! totally read that in Oleg's voice btw ;)



selena1227 says...


No problem! Haha that's awesome! ;)



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Fri Oct 10, 2014 11:43 am
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CuriosityCat says...



This is FANTASTIC in every way ever!!! I can't review this without choking. The "Like" button won't be enough. Is there a "Love" button?




ExOmelas says...


Haha, I think this comment has been a metaphorical 'Love' button. :D thank you so much for your appreciation!!! <3



CuriosityCat says...


You're welcome! I REALLY love Doctor Who (even though I haven't gotten to the 11th Doctor yet) and this is just too awesome to be missed. :D



ExOmelas says...


I heard you were watching lots of classics? That's very impressive. I don't even know where to find them. I usually just read novelisations of episodes. Who's your favourite Doctor so far? If it's 10, then you're probably not going to have room in your heart for 11. Everyone who says 10 is their favourite doesn't have the ability to contemplate loving 11 as well, so far anyway...



CuriosityCat says...


I just looked it up on Netflix. I haven't watched most of the classics, just a few episodes that my dad showed me one day (they are really cool!). Mine is 9, (Always bring a banana to a party, Rose!) but 10 is awesome, too. <3 :D



ExOmelas says...


All I can say is: keep your mind open for 11. A lot of people were torn to shreds by 10's regeneration and didn't even give Matt a chance. I promise, if you let him into your heart, he will never betray you.



CuriosityCat says...


He sounds cool. :) I like him already. Is he the one with the fez?



ExOmelas says...


Yes!!! Bow ties are cool :D



CuriosityCat says...


I SUDDENLY GET ALL THE REFERENCES I DIDN'T GET BEFORE. <3 I love it even more now.



CuriosityCat says...


Except for the Dinosaurs on a Spaceship one. But I'm getting there! :D



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Fri Oct 10, 2014 9:51 am
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GoldenQuill wrote a review...



Hiya! ZlyWilk here, to do some reviewing. I guess. It's pure coincidence that the first thing I review upon my return after a three year hiatus is Doctor Who fan fiction (until about an hour ago, my profile picture was Rose and Ten, and my URL means Bad Wolf in a foreign language).

Goodness... I don't remember how to do anything on this site. Let me try to... figure it out...

Raven loved moments like this: when Amy forgot about the Doctor for a moment and Rory didn't have to complete with a gallavanting space alien.


So, within this section, I believe you meant 'Rory didn't have to compete'. Small mistake, easily fixed.

The rest I absolutely loved! I especially loved the line where Raven was sad that Amy grew up (it really compounded on her age, even before you blatantly mentioned it), and of course, all the Moffat joking. I've said such about him on my many watchings as well, and it's always lovely to hear it from others to know I'm not going totally insane.

Please keep writing! And I'd like to see where the rest of this goes!




ExOmelas says...


That's so cool! And also, welcome back :D



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Fri Oct 10, 2014 3:14 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Yay!! A Doctor Who fanfic! There aren't enough of them on here. I'm going to write down my thoughts as I read it. :)

First of all, I'd like to say how cool it is that you let the show exist. Most people write fanfics about the Doctor's earth, as opposed to our earth which has the show.

Haha. When Amy forgot about the Doctor for a moment. It's funny because I was just watching Time of the Angels, and ya know, at the end she tries to kiss him.

You've written the dialogue well enough that I can read it in their voices and imagine their mannerisms.

Raven cried out in distress, then remembered Steven Moffat was writing, meaning the Ponds could be resurrected, killed again, erased from existence and completely rewound by the end of the episode.

*Shakes fist* Moffat!!!

Lestrade from Sherlock had been a womanising explorer and Ron's dad from Harry Potter had both been Rory's father.

I love it, but both isn't needed here.

"I've been watching you every Saturday Night..."
That is the best way to greet someone. XD

I've finished reading and it's awesome. Well done.




ExOmelas says...


Thank you so much! And yay a Whovian :D



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Thu Oct 09, 2014 9:06 pm
Evander says...



THANK YOU. I LOVE IT. Ehem, I shall be back to review it properly later.




ExOmelas says...


haha ok :)



Evander says...


Um... I might not be able to review it. >.< 'tis to beautiful to review. *I will try, I promise. But my draft is fangirling.*



ExOmelas says...


Haha, thank you very much :)




The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust