Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Dramatic

E - Everyone

The Bad Boys

by Biqdallaz


  • THE BAD BOYS

There were two young boys in the village that came from two different families but best friend’s known for their troubles.

Dalla and Yussif were class mates and best friends at Primary School class 3, they were known for making noise in class and also coming to school late.

Yussif got punished for touching the butt of their class teacher who looks beautiful and sexy as noted by her fellow teachers (All eyes on Yussif and the madam 👀).

Yussif started being a changed boy after he was punished to dig a hole. Dalla who also got lashed for being to school late, targeted a stone into the eye of the teacher that lashed him as a revenge.

They were feared in school for their troubles , and finally got kicked out of school.

Dalla and Yussif’s exciting life story begins after being dropped out of school.

I will be publishing my work soon...


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1107 Reviews


Points: 128467
Reviews: 1107

Donate
Sat Feb 27, 2021 3:13 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay...a very short story but quite dense in some of the heavy stuff its got casually mentioned down there...well it was interesting to say the least, I'll break things down in more detail down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

There were two young boys in the village that came from two different families but best friend’s known for their troubles.


Well...there are always a couple of boys like that in every village I suppose, or at least that's what I've seen myself over the years...well this is already going in a pretty funny direction so lets see where it all ends up going.

Dalla and Yussif were class mates and best friends at Primary School class 3, they were known for making noise in class and also coming to school late.


Alright that's normal enough stuff for them to be doing, them being best friends like that is also fairly typical of such situations but let's see if this gets any worse than that...pretty short story you have here so its tough to see where the plot of this is going.

Yussif got punished for touching the butt of their class teacher who looks beautiful and sexy as noted by her fellow teachers (All eyes on Yussif and the madam 👀).


Okay...that is really bad though...this took a turn to be very very worse all of a sudden, did not see that coming. Umm...so this is a really touchy subject to write about, I won't say this doesn't happen, it totally does but its just rare and also pretty hard to write about without backlash so be careful is what I would say.

Yussif started being a changed boy after he was punished to dig a hole. Dalla who also got lashed for being to school late, targeted a stone into the eye of the teacher that lashed him as a revenge.


Wow those are some super extreme punishments, I doubt that too many schools would allow this sort of thing these days and again very touchy subjects to write about so be careful.

They were feared in school for their troubles , and finally got kicked out of school.

Dalla and Yussif’s exciting life story begins after being dropped out of school.


Getting kicked out of school is definitely the one thing that will certainly happen...oh well...that's kind of how it goes anyway. Umm...well...let's see what their story is I suppose, it should be fairly interesting...if a touch on the sensitive side if you portray any of those sensitive topics in detail.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this is an interesting concept, could make for a really interesting story but has to be handled really careful. I wish you good luck. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
45 Reviews


Points: 1502
Reviews: 45

Donate
Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:28 pm
luminescence wrote a review...



'Ello, haven't reviewed in a while, but here we go!

First of all, I'd suggest not having a student sexually harass their teacher. There are real world issues happening, and if you can't portray that in a way you feel confident it will not offend someone, don't do it at all. No "all eyes on" business too, because last time I checked, this is somewhat illegal in places, and very wrong in all areas.

Teachers will not say that about their fellow professionals, especially to students. This is breach of everything teachers learn, and it's also just wrong. Of course, this is all writing and not real, but this will make both me and a lot of people uncomfortable; when readers are disturbed by your writing, they will not pick it up and read any more of it.

In most places, both "punished to dig a hole" and "got lashed for being to school late" will not happen. The first one is just useless, as it teaches the kid no discipline and allows them to continue to be creepy towards people. The last is just abuse, and any teacher that thinks that will help shouldn't be allowed to continue working.

A good option is just talking to their parents about what issues that need fixed, or if their parents aren't great, detention on a weekend. If this is not the first time this has happened, you can even try to suspend them from school for about a week. This rarely happens, but it technically can work if you'd like a plot to develop around that.

Oh and you wont get kicked out of school for this unless it has happened many many times, or if things have turned violent or dangerous to anyone in the building

I hope I can read this whenever it comes out!

- Lum



Random avatar
Biqdallaz says...


Punishing of students to dig a hole still happens some where else, just not where you%u2019re at.
I%u2019ve seen, I dug two holes in my first year at high school.


Random avatar
Biqdallaz says...


Punishing of students to dig a hole still happens some where else, just not where you%u2019re at.
I%u2019ve seen, I dug two holes in my first year at high school.



User avatar
76 Reviews


Points: 3441
Reviews: 76

Donate
Mon Feb 22, 2021 8:06 pm
View Likes
illy7896 wrote a review...



Wow, these boys are horrible! I'm looking forward to reading about them when you publish your story.

Could you perhaps maybe show not tell? With this line:

'Yussif got punished for touching the butt of their class teacher who looks beautiful and sexy as noted by her fellow teachers (All eyes on Yussif and the madam 👀).'

could you maybe describe her looks more and add more imagery rather than just stating the obvious? This will allow the audience a better feel of the story and environment.

I'm looking forward to the published version of this, and as a brief summary for the coming story, I felt that it was done in a very simple however effective style.



Random avatar
Biqdallaz says...


Thank you so much for your review, I will try as much as possible to make it more interesting and can be felt.



illy7896 says...


No problem




Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
— steampowered