There I was, standing in the middle of the alleyway trapped between two zombies, closing in on me, I pull out my pistol (44 magnum ) I shoot both of them in the head twice just to make sure they're really dead for my sake.
I run down towards the end of the alleyway, four zombies are waiting for me, I quickly climb up the nearby fire escape to my left. As I pull myself up I speak up "yes I've made it, I got to the safe house" I accidently yelped out loud.
As I walk in the door I'm greeted by my friends, there are only six of us but there used to be ten of us, but my best friend Michael was killed just after the outbreak along with the others.
It all started just a few weeks ago when a chemical factory were doing really big experiments and stuff. You may ask how do I know all this, well you see I was the project leader, but It wasn't my fault. But It doesn't matter now as I get most of the blame these days seeming that I'm the only one who got out of the factory, along with Michael who died a short while after, I still morn him.
Anyway we were mixing chemicals, dangerous chemicals that could kill a man in 30 seconds flat. I was over at the mixer when it happened, there was a giant explosion and I was nocked back all the way across the factory floor, I went deaf for at least one minute straight when I realised what had just happened, I saw a man attacking another, jumping on him and biting his neck like a vampire.
After that he went onto the next and the next like a crazy animal, soon I got up and ran as the whole factory was crawling with them, as I got outside and I ran towards the roads, the whole factory blew up right in front of my eyes, it was horrible, all of those people.
soon after the outbreak, the military got involved and they were napalming the streets, killing innocents because they thought the were bit, pretty soon after that everything died down and now the survivors like me have to risk our lives just to get food, the military are gone, buildings ruined, bodies everywhere just rotting, it's all gone.
So basically this is my life. I'm risking my life for food and not to mention trying to move to new secure locations and trying to survive. It's a horrible world, but I cant fight it alone.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,403 Literary Works • 673,163 Reviews
I feel like that you should have written more, and that is was kind of rushed. I did not seem like a full story, but more like a summary of beginning.I think you should make another part, or continue it! I think the idea is good, but you should take it further! Great effort!
I feel like that you should have written more, and that is was kind of rushed. I did not seem like a full story, but more like a summary of beginning.I think you should make another part, or continue it! I think the idea is good, but you should take it further! Great effort!
I wanted so much more from this!
Just adding in minor details and filling out the story would've made it much more enjoyable and seem less rushed.
Try and take your time with the next one, you also need to look at describing places and giving them a little bit of life, try and create a picture in your mind and do your best to translate that into your stories
Hey there! Really nice piece. I especially LOVE zombie type stories. Really enjoyed it. I liked the line : It is a horrible world but I can't fight it alone.
This line was banging and really good way to end the article.
Just one thing, when you said :" I accidently yelped out loud." I wished something happened over there, like some more zombies showing up, etc.
But overall it was really awesome and cool.
Thumbs up:)
Overall it is not a bad story, but it seem very rushed and unresolved. In fact I think it was literally Action-Backstory-End. It just seemed rushed and seemed more like an Intro to a story than an actual one. There were a few grammatical issues as well as capitalization here and there, but not much. It wasn't bad per say just seemed a little rushed and not in a traditional format and that hurt the story.
If I could rate it I would give it 2 stars out of 5.