Could there not be a more pleasing sight,
than that of starlight?
A thing of beauty and hope,
beauty and hope and light.
So unique these stars,
yet seemingly so fragile; like glass.
Starlight, not immortal,
but forever envied.
Envied for their eternal beauty,
and their light.
Although so easily forgotten.
Their death will be grim and silent,
but not remembered.
They are stars,
called upon for a wish.
Only a thing of beauty and hope,
beauty and hope
and starlight.
Nothing more.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Aw, poetry. I am hardly poet, though sometimes things come to me. Meaning, I won't be able to offer the best advice. I will try though! Anyway! I think you did a lovely job with this. Normally, I would be all over you for your constant repetition of words -I hate redundancy!- but I think I think it works for the most part. "Light" is stated a little too often for my liking though.
Again... the repetition of "light" :/ Personally, I think it takes a way some of the meaning... maybe it's just me!
What bothered me the most was:
"A thing of beauty and hope,
beauty and hope and light."
Changed to...
"Only a thing of beauty and hope,
beauty and hope and starlight."
Maybe you should keep "starlight" as "light"
You wrote:
"Starlight, not immortal,
but forever envied.
Envied for their eternal beauty,
and their light."
I honestly, really liked this. Though starlight itself, is not immortal, it's beauty lives on forever. Nice
"Although so easily forgotten." This line was not meant to be, "Although not so easily forgotten." was it? I can see it going both ways.
Okay, I'm going to stop here. There's no need for a long tangent and I should pull myself out before I start. Nice job here! Keep up with your writing!
Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate it and will look over any potential changes. I am glad you took your time to give me some really good advice that I know I most definitely will use! Thanks again!!! %uD83D%uDE03
Oh, and sorry about the repetition! I didn't even notice it.
I'll make sure took look into it more thoroughly!
It's all good! I'm just glad I could help
I feel like there's a bit of inconsistency with lines--some read like fragments, some read like complete thoughts. Poetry is a lilting thing that is quite frankly hard to understand, so I don't necessarily think you have to tweak it one way or the other.
This is purely a formatting thing but I kind of wanted to see an additional break here:
"Only a thing of beauty and hope,
beauty and hope
and starlight."
It is a tiny, tiny tweak that you might hate entirely which is completely okay. I thought it might work that way a little bit better because it keeps the focus on starlight, you know? It helps emphasize that point.
Also, I'm curious about the title? You call this poem "glass and starlight," but you have no imagery that eludes to the comparison between the two. I think you can do a lot with that imagery, but there's not any pieces in the poem itself that lends back to glass.
Nevertheless, great content--I love starlight. Who doesn't?
My thoughts exactly ^-^
Thank you all so much for your comments and feedback. I'm sure it'll come to good use! I'll try hard to put some more imagery in there and work on developing it into more complete thoughts. Again, I thank you!