"Remember, as long as you are breathing it's never too late to start a new beginning."
Cars whizzed on past them. They were the only ones taking their time, driving along so patiently. She told him to go faster. They should have been there two hours ago.
Ashley didn't have a perfect life. Her mother was in the hospital, and her aunt was now sick. Her father tried to keep everyone calm and hopeful, but that had always been her mother's job. Her mother had always been the strongest of the family. She never let her pain show, she always encouraged them, and she always put everyone else before herself. Even now, she hardly stopped to think of the condition she was in when she heard about her sick sister. That was mother; she was the perfect mother and wife. Chase was Ashley's best friend, had always been. They had grown up together in Florida, and later fell in love. Their relationship went back to "long ago..." Ashley was what made Chase feel like he had a home. She was his home. They talked about getting married. He was twenty-five, still in school but had a successful job as an engineer. He was tall and handsome. She was in medical school, smart, and beautiful. They couldn't imagine their lives without each other. But with everything that was going on, he thought it was better to wait for things to settle down before he proposed. He carried the little black box around with him everywhere, waiting for the right moment.
But now they were on a dark highway, driving to Roanoke, Virginia. Ashley's aunt was terribly sick with the flu and had no one to take care of her. And although Ashley's mother was suffering of a far worse disease, she begged her to go take care of Aunt Lilly. Her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer six months ago. She was doing her best to fight it, but she was in and out of hospitals all the time. Her dad was tired, but he never let it show. Ashley was exhausted, but would never let that get in the way of the love she had for her mom. And Chase, he did everything he could to help them.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Alright, for a prologue that's a pretty interesting start there, you get some very interesting vibes right away from these opening lines. There's a sense of one person being in a rush and another not so much, with lends itself to an interesting situation where it looks like there's late for something somehow...but also it may or may not be important. Its a fun and pretty interesting way to start here.
Okay...for one this feels like two completely different paragraphs from two completely different points of view that are somehow merged into one here and that is very much an issue cause you definitely do not want to have this sort of situation in a prologue. Its also got soo much information in there, I feel like this is much more suited to a first chapter cause as a prologue, usually you expect things to be a bit more vague and attention grabby, this kind of feels like its simply introducing the two characters in this car and establishing a little scene which is more of a first chapter kind of thing.
Well, that looks like someone dropped a curse on that entire extended family somehow cause it looks like every other person in said family is sick in some dangerous way or the other, its almost soo much that it feels a little unrealistic, essentially its just depicting soo much potential sadness that it kind of loses its power if that makes any sense, like at some point as the reader you can't even keep track of who's sick and who's not. Other than that, this is a nice and pretty powerful little ending to the prologue here, certainly makes you find out more about the story and read on here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Your writing is very amazing, I really liked it. The only thing I have for critique is to make it a little longer, like drag the crash science out more, even though it happens so fast. I really liked the overall plot but for a first chapter, this is kind of short. Add more detail, that old make this piece even better.
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. I realized myself that it was short for a first chapter, therefore I was going more for the Prologue style beginning.
Hello this is Sam123 and i am reviewing you today. first of all I love your writing skills, this piece of work is amazing. Haha actually i really have nothing to say. Well actually I do have one thing and one thing only. I can't really tell if Chase hits the deer or he stops and another car hits him. other than that its great, keep up the good work
Hey Sam... thanks a lot!
Well, the crash was heard in the back, so yes, a car hits them.