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My little sister

by Bhaavya Singh


Maybe we argue and we also fight

But in this dark world, you are my light. 

You make my world blissful and elegant, 

You stand with me everytime I need, you are valiant. 

You brought with you my joys and glee

You are the best thing ever happened to me. 

My dear cute sistu, apple of my eyes

You are a bit mischievous but still very nice. 

My little adorable prodigy, so sweet is your smile

I will walk with you on path of life for miles. 

Whenever you need me, I would be there for you

A loving sister is a blessing which is only with a few. 

We're best friends, pals for the whole life line

I'll fulfill your every wish, will inevitably keep you fine. 

I don't show it always, you don't feel it everytime

I scold you a little to correct you sometimes. 

Your heart is huge, like the sky big and blue

My dear cute sister, I really love you. 


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Sat Sep 07, 2019 2:30 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Ah this brought a smile to my face, I also really adore my sister, so I found this poem easy to relate too, and seemed very heartfelt.

So I think you do an excellent job covering different aspects of why you're such a huge fan of your sister, and you don't just lay on the compliments, but you also acknowledge all aspects of her personality, like being a bit mischievous and valiant -- that's nice because it starts to make it even more specific.

I think the poem could benefit in two areas,

1) Word Choice could be elevated.

I noticed you tended to go for pretty simplistic language like "nice", "good", "fine" "like" all really generic descriptors, even your imagery was fairly generic/cookie-cutter "sky big and blue" "little adorable" - I think if you brought up the level of your word choice a bit and tried to search for some more specific and imagery heavy words it'd bring the poem to the next level. Even taking a moment to dig into some of those imagery pieces would make the poem really stand out more and make a more lasting impression.

2) Bring out even more Specificity in your descriptions

I find that in writing love/adoration poems, one of the best things you can do is to think about how to make it very specifically about the person you're writing about with concrete imagery or concrete memories - if you can describe a specific instance that you share that can make the poem really pop, by taking it from something that could be about anyone's sibling relationship, to a specific one grown from you own specific adoration, feelings, memories, and love.

For instance when I wanted to write a poem about how much I love my sister, I thought about all the qualities I liked about her, but then I thought about how I could work those into a concrete memory that we've shared together - I decided to write a poem about how we always used to pick mulberries in the summer - and then interlaced the specific reasons I liked her right into the content of the poem. Adding that concrete specific memory, really makes the poem seem more realistic and interesting rather than just a list of "good things" about a person. Here's an article I wrote Specificity in Poetry that shares some tips of how to add more specificity to your writing to really make it stand out and make an impression.

Hopefully those suggestions help your editing and future writing! And keep up that relationship with your sister, as my mother always says, "a sister is a forever friend".

- alliyah

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Mon Sep 02, 2019 2:56 pm
DariaTheGirlWhoLovesPizza wrote a review...



Hello, here to review! Ima admit I'm an only child, but my cousins are pretty much siblings to me. So I can kind of relate. Especially with fighting all the time 0-0

This poem was really cute and idk how old your sister is, but maybe you can give it to her for her birthday or something? I liked the rhyme here and the emotion. It's clear you really love your sister, and I'm sure some people can relate with the fighting a lot but still loving each other all the same. It's a nice poem.

I have a little critique, mostly with formation of stanzas. It was kind of just a blockade of text. Yeah it was crafted amazingly but when someone looks at this, it's not appealing to read. Breaking it down into stanzas and formatting text would really propel this poem. If you're not sure about format, I recommend googles your best friend :S

Oh and I feel like the first line would've sounded better if you'd said "Maybe we argue and maybe we fight." That could just be a personal opinion tho. I feel like tweaking a few of the lines would do some good, not only to the poem, but also to the flow.

Although for the most part it flowed decently. I respect the sweetness to this poem, and I'm sure you have tons to offer.

Though I feel if you had added specifics it would've been more meaningful. Like her favorite song or food or something she enjoys.

Welp I guess that's all! You're really good, please keep writing!

-Daria






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Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:17 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



Haha... This is ONE side of having a sibling, the 50% to 75% of the time for me, my brother and I are arguing if Peach and Daisy are sisters, or if we should call our grandma (Who is technically our great grandma) Grandma or Great Grandma, or annoying the poo out of eachother. But yeah, when push comes to shove, (And for us, it comes to shove ALOT) We look out for eachother, so yeah, dear brother, though you are an annoying terd, I still love you. :D AND PURPLE JEEPS ARE RARE!
This was a really sweet poem, and I don't see too much that I think should be edited. The one thing I'd like to point out is
"You are a bit mischievous but still very nice" First, Nice doesn't rhyme with eyes, which breaks the pattern, and second, there should be a comma before but.
Other than that, this was a really sweet poem. Keep on writing!






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Fri Aug 16, 2019 12:38 am
Butterfly7 wrote a review...



Hello Bhaavya!

I'm here to give you a review, so that this beauty can get out of the green room. ;)

I really enjoyed this poem. It was a delight to read. It was very cute. I really hope you show this to your little sister. I bet she'd love this. <3

Alright, so now, I have only spotted one thing.

"I will walk with you on path of life for miles."

I feel like there is a word missing here, don't you think? Maybe it'd be nice if you added "the" in front of "path". That's work out great.

Hope this review helped. I very much enjoyed reading this and I look forward from seeing more of your amazing work around here. ^^

---Butterfly---






Thank you



Butterfly7 says...


Your welcome!



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Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:03 pm
Zrillis wrote a review...



Hello. I enjoyed this very much and am here to review.

The first thing I would like to point out is in line 7, you wrote sistu. I feel like this should be sister but it may be your nickname I dont know.
In line 9 I think you missed a word.
What is written is "I will walk with you on path of life.
What i think you meant was "on THIS path of life
In line 10 you wrote " would be there"
In the tense of this story I feel "Will" fits better

Overall your rhyme scheme works well and this is a really cute poem. keep of the good work. I hope this was helpful






I will take care of other mistakes. But sistu is a nickname which we use for each other.
Thanks!!




Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash