I hate it when people say "you'll get through this",
as though suffering is something you can dismiss,
as though tomorrow waits patiently outside,
while something feral keeps waking inside,
they call it a chapter, a phase, a mistake,
but they don't hear the things that begin when I wake.
There is something in me that watches at night,
something that knows when I turn off the light,
it whispers my name from somewhere below,
then disappears when I ask it to show,
I tell myself quietly, this isn't real,
while something inside me insists that I feel.
I smile when they ask me if everything's fine,
while the thing in my head draws another thin line,
it studies my thoughts like a hunter its prey,
and waits for the moment my courage gives way,
I have learned not to ask what it wants from me,
because sometimes the answer is worse than the plea.
They tell me that time will eventually heal,
but time has a habit of teaching things to feel,
it leaves little fingerprints under the skin,
proof of the places the darkness has been,
and every old memory waits in the hall,
wearing a familiar face I cannot recall.
Don't tell me I'm stronger; don't call me brave,
you don't know the things that I keep in the grave,
not bodies or secrets, but versions of me,
old ghosts that still wander where nobody sees,
they knock from the walls when the house settles down,
and whisper that I am the one they have found.
I don't need a saviour to drag me to shore,
because sometimes the darkness knows me much more,
it knows every weakness I've tried to conceal,
every locked door and the reason it's sealed,
it waits without moving, completely aware,
as though it has always been living in there.
Perhaps I will wake when the morning arrives,
and wonder which version of me still survives,
perhaps I will laugh and pretend I am whole,
while something unseen keeps counting my soul,
perhaps I will walk through the world undisturbed,
while hearing the thoughts that I never have heard.
So when you tell me, "You'll get through this," again,
remember that darkness can imitate a friend,
don't promise the monster will simply depart,
some things learn the shape of the human heart,
and if I look frightened, don't ask me what's wrong—
just stay until whatever is watching is gone.
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141,752 Literary Works • 675,685 Reviews
A Butterfly has landed to review your work!<3
Hey Bev! A Butterfly has landed to review your work, and I have to say, this poem caught my attention very quickly with the way it portrayed the idea of being watched by something unidentifiable. There's a really strong psychological feel to it and I thought the way the "thing" never became fully clear was excellent.
The Egg
The setup for the emotional conflict is perfect. I loved the way the frustration with "you'll get through this" is portrayed as the poem isn't asking to be reassured, but rather asking if that reassurance is able to understand what they went through.
The Caterpillar Hatches
The second stanza introduces the "thing"
I thought this was great because you never explain what the thing is, and I thought that only added to the uneasiness of the poem. It could be fears, memories, or thoughts as an intruding force, and could be any number of things
Growing & Molting
The third and fourth stanza continue to build that conflict with the setup of smiles on the outside while inside this thing is keeping watch. I think the way you used old memories as fingerprints and waiting in the hall was excellent. It gave a surreal feel that these memories aren't really gone, without having to explain it all.
Spinning the Chrysalis
The fifth stanza was my favorite part due to the way it subverted some common platitudes.
I thought the contrast of "just be here" was excellent because the narrator isn't necessarily looking for reassurance they should be tougher, they just want the other to understand it's a lot more complex than that.
The Transformation
The sixth stanza takes the "thing" from an external force to more of an intrusive familiarity, noting the ways it knows the locked doors and weak spots. I thought it was a great contrast to make, and really made the title have more weight. This thing isn't watching the narrator, it's familiar with the narrator.
Wings Taking Shape
The seventh stanza's uncertainty was also a good way to portray the message that it's not over yet. It wasn't a simple matter of getting past this darkness, as shown by the "perhaps"'s. I thought it was a great way to enforce the realism of the poem.
I thought the mention of counting was a good way to imply some kind of patience.
Breaking Free
The final stanza is kind of a contrast to the beginning, instead of saying "you'll get through this" the narrator is just asking to be with them until this thing is gone
First Flight
I thought the restraint was a great way to end the poem, and make the narrator not seem like they have all the answers. I would have hated to see it end on a note of "it's all going to be okay" when it was portrayed as a more complex situation.
Favorite Nectar
My favorite part was the personification of the darkness with the way it's seen as something that can be familiar with the narrator, patient, and has memories of the things it sees. I think the use of "something" helps it retain that mystery instead of outright stating it. The only change I felt was necessary was to mess with the rhythm in a few places because some lines felt a bit to on-the-nose with the rhyming.
First Flight
Overall, I thought it was a great poem. It had a good way of portraying difficult situations as almost second-nature to the narrator in the way that this thing is almost like another entity that watches over them. The thing is never elaborated on, and I think the elipses and lack of definition were good in this case to show that this is a situation that the narrator is still struggling with.Lovely work! <3
Yes, it's actually about a real-life teenager. I think.
It is good, something horrible, like a child may have a bad dream or someone is in his room.
It's not about a teenager as such, although it could be, but about depression and the way people try and dismiss the way you feel while struggling
I mean it looks like a situation, when you are at the peak of that sadness. I actually felt connected with it.YOU are really a good writer please keep that with you, its not ment for everone. I will pray for your bestest future, my wishes are with you. KEEP GOING!
Hello!
When I was reading through this I thought: wow. Seriously: I love this poem, you managed to make it rhyme and sound good; which I think is really cool.
The theme is also really well-thought-of: how people tell the narrator that everything will be fine, but the narrator explains about the darkness and everything... It's slightly creepy, kind of sad, and that makes it great =D
I think that the first line is really hooking, starting with "I hate it when..." which grabs the reader's attention, and the rhyme is a good one, so the poem feels strong and inviting. It made me want to continue reading!
This piece is a bit creepy, which is good because it opens up the creepy vibe for the rest of the poem where you write that the darkness is always there, watching, knowing who you are and everything you do... again, I think that the theme is great!
I find the part where the things in the grave aren't bodies like normally, nore secrets like "I'll keep your secret to the grave", but "versions of the narrator" - very good. However, the rhyme there could be smoother: "... of me,
old ghosts that still wander where nobody can see"
Just a tip, you definetly don't have to follow it, just if you find it helpful : )
I don't know if you've read Keeper of the Lost Cities, by Shannon Messenger (if not, I recommend it) but these four quotes just really give me the KotLC vibes!!! Are you secretly Shannon Messenger??? XD
Anyways I really liked your poem, so please keep writing and thank you for posting this!
Have a wonderful day
- HMMHhehe the potato
Thank you, I really appreciate your comments, unfortunately I'm not Shannon but I appreciate the compliment