Young Writers Society

"The moment brings a memory, fading in - a sudden thought. Then time stood still, I get a chill, thinking of things I wish I forgot."

fading in means gradually coming. and sudden means quickly so you can't use both describing the memory either the moment brings memories fading in or the moment bring memory suddenly
.........

My love is a burden, not made for you to carry it, but while you're still here, can you help me bury it?
Once we forget, we'll pass all regret, I hope this bond we share mends... can't we still stay friends..."

I am not sure, but it gives of unrequited love in a friendship feeling from the 2nd part, the first line is very nice my love is a burden ....

........

wish I could heal, these moments that I steal, they seem too out of my control, but whenever my heart takes center stage I feel it's me who plays the fool."

1st line is confusion ,with a context maybe I will get its meaning
the 2nd line is wow .
..........

Why do I feel that it's only me who's losing, in this one sided tug of war.
But I got nothing left to give so I'll just give in, I just need to quit pretending.
Would you ever drop the rope to let me up, if that means I'm hanging on to you?
Hopefully the weight isn't too burdensome, just wish I could drop this baggage for two."

1 side tug of war means only one of you is pulling while the other is just giving in like you have nothing left to give in , but what are you pretending i didn't understand that , and your ques of whether the other person will loose the game to help you stand up is nice but why is the baggage for two ?
i like this one , you really have to read into it to understand it

........................
On the other end of the phone
But not the one who's calling
I hear my dad talking
He speaks about his fortune
While I speak in laughter to hide the pain
Because I know you can't have it any other way
Miles away yet the excuses all sound the same
It's getting old now, not like I knew any different
The defenses we've forged have been equally intimate
And it's times like this I surmise after it's over
That it's all too easy to stay distant."

i love this one , it very nice explanation of your distant relationship with your father

...................................
A child's cries...Louder than Worship.
nice line you can use it in a story

............................

"The moment brings a memory, fading in - a sudden thought. Then time stood still, I get a chill, thinking of things I wish I forgot."

fading in means gradually coming. and sudden means quickly so you can't use both describing the memory either the moment brings memories fading in or the moment bring memory suddenly
.........

My love is a burden, not made for you to carry it, but while you're still here, can you help me bury it?
Once we forget, we'll pass all regret, I hope this bond we share mends... can't we still stay friends..."

I am not sure, but it gives of unrequited love in a friendship feeling from the 2nd part, the first line is very nice my love is a burden ....

........

wish I could heal, these moments that I steal, they seem too out of my control, but whenever my heart takes center stage I feel it's me who plays the fool."

1st line is confusion ,with a context maybe I will get its meaning
the 2nd line is wow .
..........

Why do I feel that it's only me who's losing, in this one sided tug of war.
But I got nothing left to give so I'll just give in, I just need to quit pretending.
Would you ever drop the rope to let me up, if that means I'm hanging on to you?
Hopefully the weight isn't too burdensome, just wish I could drop this baggage for two."

1 side tug of war means only one of you is pulling while the other is just giving in like you have nothing left to give in , but what are you pretending i didn't understand that , and your ques of whether the other person will loose the game to help you stand up is nice but why is the baggage for two ?
i like this one , you really have to read into it to understand it

........................
On the other end of the phone
But not the one who's calling
I hear my dad talking
He speaks about his fortune
While I speak in laughter to hide the pain
Because I know you can't have it any other way
Miles away yet the excuses all sound the same
It's getting old now, not like I knew any different
The defenses we've forged have been equally intimate
And it's times like this I surmise after it's over
That it's all too easy to stay distant."

i love this one , it very nice explanation of your distant relationship with your father

...................................
A child's cries...Louder than Worship.
nice line you can use it in a story

............................

Interpretations/Commentaries:

"The moment brings a memory, fading in - a sudden thought. Then time stood still, I get a chill, thinking of things I wish I forgot."
This piece is so succinct, yet it is so in-depth.

"My love is a burden, not made for you to carry it, but while you're still here, can you help me bury it?
Once we forget, we'll pass all regret, I hope this bond we share mends... can't we still stay friends..."
The first line of this is so relatable; it just pulls at my heartstrings. The second line sort of confuses me, though, yet I know it has an impactful/powerful intention/objective behind it.

"I wish I could heal, these moments that I steal, they seem too out of my control, but whenever my heart takes center stage I feel it's me who plays the fool."
I wholeheartedly resonate with this piece. It just simply clicks with me.

"Why do I feel that it's only me who's losing, in this one sided tug of war.
But I got nothing left to give so I'll just give in, I just need to quit pretending.
Would you ever drop the rope to let me up, if that means I'm hanging on to you?
Hopefully the weight isn't too burdensome, just wish I could drop this baggage for two."
Oh my gosh. This piece is super beautiful. I love it. Why can't I write this kind of lyrical work? LOL - Your mind must be an intriguing place.

"On the other end of the phone... That it's all too easy to stay distant."
You really have to reflect and contemplate this one. I still don't really know how to comprehend this, but it's something about relationships being superficial.

"A child's cries...Louder than Worship."
Impressive how a child's cries is louder than worship. Why and how?

"Without God I would have worse than nothing, I'd be missing my everything."
I guess you're super religious and religion is a predominant part of your life.

Review:
A mixture of mental health alongside relationships either regarding partner(s) and/or parent(s) as well as religion aspects. I love the mental health pieces; I like the religion pieces. Both are thought-provoking and enthralling to think about. Well done.

- Lil, aka HalfheartedAmateur