Hey ThatGeekyGirl! Here again!
Ah, Loki! He's banned from Asgard! What did he do? Well, I know he is a trickster and he must have done something naughty...Anyway, I'm wondering how he's going to fare in New York if he hasn't been there for a long time and calls a room "a chamber". I imagine Loki's the type of person who tends to take stuff in stride and doesn't mope around too much. I can totally understand how he's frustrated that this is more complicated than in Asgard; we usually have a high opinion of home xD And when you first mentioned Jane, the first person who popped into my head was Adeline's mother! Ooh! Were they friends (and perhaps romantically attached)? I'm curious and am looking forward to know later!
I'm wondering why the woman there immediately offered to take him in his truck. I don't know, it just seems odd that she's come over and randomly offer a ride to a stranger (who wasn't even hitchhiking) unless she's unusually kind (or did she realize he's Loki or something?) Or maybe she thinks that it's dangerous for young people to wander lost and alone in New York and wants to help them. Or maybe that's her personality. If that is, I'd think she's very benevolent and kind.
Ah, so Adeline's here and now I understand she's working in a hotel! The last sentence of the chapter made me wonder if romance was going to spring up between the two. :p Anyway, I think I need to get to know them better, which I'm sure you'll do in the next several chapters. I'm honestly hoping I'll get to know them better, because right now, I'm not sure I do very much. But don't worry! Characters are pretty tricky to form, especially in early drafts--the more you spend time writing and thinking about them, the more you get to know them! I'd like to get a better sense of who they are already--I guess that's a reason first chapters are tough. You need to balance out story development without dragging, to uphold the same level of character development as in the rest of the story.
Anyway, that's all I've got to say here! Like I said in Chapter One, hope this helps as a jumping-point to think about your story and how to make it better. As I like to say, take my advice with a grain of salt because you, the author of this story, tend to know better.
-Ink
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