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12+ Violence

Don't Trust the Light

by BellaLandriev


The minute-hand finally made it's way full circle around the clock. 6:00 AM, it read. The hours of darkness had finally come to an end. The demonic prowess that had tortured and marred the minds of the Vanderbilt family had seemed to retreat back into the night. It was banished. Exiled.

Gone.

Hallelujah's and prayers were ringing in the minds of all of the Vanderbilt's. There was one thing that has never been discussed, however. A small detail that they had never been taught. Just because nightmares mostly occur in the darkness, doesn't mean one can't continue into the light. Just because most spine-chilling stories start with "It was a dark and stormy night" doesn't mean that a hair-raising situation will stop at a clock's chime of morning.

And just as suddenly as the night of terrors began and allegedly ended, the evil being that had tormented them physically and mentally had returned. The things that happened that night will not be spoken of, for they were too disastrous and demented to explain. Just know this; gore covered the walls from the gruesome murders of the entire Vanderbilt family tree. Bodies were strewn about the house, most not even resembling a human being from being beaten and bruised by their tormentor.

Take my story and remembrance of the Vanderbilt's as this;

Do not trust the light because it shows the whole picture.

Sometimes the whole picture is scarier than being in the dark and not being able to envision every small detail.


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Fri May 08, 2020 11:46 am
Ranjana Das says...



This is a cool story. It is interesting, scary and powerful.




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Tue Apr 28, 2020 3:53 am
JacobMoor wrote a review...



Hi, BellaLandriev! Cool story, I like the way you've written this. It's ominous, and chilling. You've left the details vague, which definitely succeeds in adding to the creepy factor. You could make the scene scarier by honing your description of the gore covering the walls - bloody handprints on white walls, splayed corpses, the smell of rotting bodies in the morning. The good stuff. A little more depth, but without spoiling the mystery of just how disastrous and demented it really was. Tease the reader. Also, with that bit, maybe change "just know this;" to have a colon instead if a semicolon. And possibly abbreviate that last sentence, to make it more emphatic. All in all, great story.

Jacob




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Fri Apr 10, 2020 3:49 pm
Tawsif wrote a review...



I never was a big fan of fantasy but I like this story. So you've definitely done a good job.

I like the main theme of the story. It is widely considered that darkness of the night is what powers evil forces, whereas light makes them all disappear. You questioned that idea and made the point that dark forces can exist even when there is light. The theme was definitely new, creative and engaging.

What I'd like to see is more detail. Who are these Vanderbilt people? What is that evil Being that haunts them? And why does it do so? Do they have some kind of history?

Bring more details, and the story will be more interesting. And it was still a good read for me.
KEEP WRITING.




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Mon Apr 06, 2020 11:59 am
R.Harini wrote a review...



Haunting, Beautiful and powerful. Darkness is often so associated with death, doom and despair to the point it has also become a ready cliche. You do have a way with words and descriptions that chill the reader. Truly, the whole picture and the bare truth is uglier and terrifying than a mystical lie, shrouded in darkness. Do continue to write and enchant us with your works




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Mon Apr 06, 2020 11:32 am
Alfonso22 wrote a review...



Hi there! Thanks for sharing this short story narrated in the first person singular, about a family which undergoes supernatural harassment at night, thinks it has escaped at the break of day, only to realize that their impression of having escaped was false.

It is a story which speaks in generalities and leaves the details to the reader’s imagination. The family itself is not described apart from being human beings, so the reader must find or feel empathy for them based on that alone.

Unless of course they are identified with this very wealthy American family. Then perhaps the creatures and their anger might be representative of some individuals in the Vanderbilt past which needs to be researched in order to establish some hypothetical link.
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Vanderbilt-family.

How many people are involved?

It seems as if it is an introduction to a short story and that in order to find these things out, the story must be read full. In short, I am left with a sense of lack of closure and wanting to know these things

The creatures are expected to be feared for their excessive violence.

Why this particular family is a target or whether they deserve it or not, is not revealed.
So as a reader I am left wondering about who are these people and why are they targeted in that way? Do they deserve it? When is all this taking place and where?

.

Suggestion:

The prowess was banned? Prowess means ability. So literally, The demonic ability was banned? That needs attention for the sake of clarity.

The Vanderbilts survive were murdered in the previous night but yet surviver til morning? That contradiction need to be eliminated.





You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan