Young Writers Society

I'm a big fan of this poem.
The repetition only made it stronger for me.
I especially liked your lines,
"With all its simplicity"
"With all its complexity"
This is a sweet romantic little poem.

"I mean right now;
This day, this minute, this second.
I mean forever and always"
This seems like a contradiction. Do you mean that you love said soul mate just in that moment, so from only one moment to the next, or from that moment and continuing on to "forever and always"? Clarification = strengthening (thought one woudl assume it's the second instance since that is what is implied by the second stanza?)

"When I say I love you,
I mean I love you;"
here, maybe get rid of punctuation in the second line so that what comes afterwards is a continuation. Otherwise, these two lines appear to stand alone together and just seem redundant.

The repetition didn't really bother me until the last stanza. Personally, I'd get rid of the "with"s in the last two lines, but that's just me (I'd also put a comma or no punctuation after "And every touch")

Just a quick note --

In the last stanza, the "it's" in both lines should be "its."

Well. This was nice. It did get a little repetitive but you had a rhythm, but you broke it. You set it well and almost followed it the whole way through.

I mean :

writer_chick_13 wrote:When I say I love you,
I mean right now; 1
This day, this minute, this second. 3
I mean forever and always, 2
With all my heart, 1
And all my soul. 1
No matter what, And then the three part this did stay consistent throughout the poem which is good
No matter when,
No matter where.

When I say I love you,
I mean in the sunshine; 1
In the rain, in the snow, in the sleet. 3
I mean in wet or dry, 2
In warmth, in cold, Then you stayed with 2
For all eternity.
Whether you're here,
Whether you're gone,
Whether you love me back.

When I say I love you,
I mean I love you;
With all it's simplicity,
With all it's complexity,
With every thought,
And every touch.
With words spoken,
With hugs given,
With kisses stolen.

And then you stayed with one throughout the last stanza

There were two typo's but never mind. i'm not great at grammer either. but keep it up.

i fixed these typos too! =)

Kitty grabbed the typos, so I won't mention those, I s'pose. Personally the repetition got a little heavy for me; it became unwieldy. I'd suggest scaling back on that point. Other than that, not half bad.

I don't know alot about poetry but that was really good. Umm...

I thought your avatar was funny too!





~Pol

First, I noticed two typos so let's get those out of the way...

In the first stanza, you've mistyped 'when' and in the final stanza you've missed the 't' off of thought. Just thought I should point them out.

Other than that, your repetition is effective in this poem and I really like the style that you've used.This was yet another sweet, romantic poem that reminds me of happier times. Everyone can relate to this, even someone who's essimistic about love. Altogether a well written, lovely poem with a story behind every word.