Young Writers Society

No promises on not hitting you, Mad. (and since when did I care what Mr. Falke thought? He's not an English Professor! He teaches keyboarding!)

Thanks for all the crits guys--I'll have to start revising soon.

Your poem was, well, choppy. I know poetry can be written any way you choose, but this was a bit to odd (For lack of a better word.) Maybe you could rearrange the words a bit as to make it easier on the brain.

In the words of Mr. Falke (You remember him don't you?) Never never never never never use brackets in your poetry. What's the point? If you want to say it, say it! I've seen so many poems on here like that and it really irks me. If you don't want it in there, don't say it. If you do, why put it in brackets? What's the point?

"(I want you to touch me.) The sun glows
bright, hitting the noticable hairs on your chin. "

Was that last line supposed to be funny? If it isn't meant to be funny, change it. It doesn't fit with the rest of your poem.

I have to say, this poem was a good "note poem" if you know what I mean. This poem isn't quality work. It seems a bit like you just wrote it to him.

I hope I wasn't to mean. If I was, you can hit me on Monday (Not really. My head hurts from all the slaps)

Well I won first place in my school poetry contest and it was my first try and I'm a sophomore...

Hmm... a sonnet is 5 iambs, aka 10 syllables... Composed in verses of 2-4 lines... Rhymining in the abab cdcd... form. *Thank you Romeo and Winifred...*

So... you were UNDER (at 9) for many, and the one that annoyed me was: "away in your eyes, my thought flow slips." and the very last line... another 12 syllables.

I didn't like thought flow. It sounded awkward... like... almost disgusting, like... your brains seeping out of your head.

I was interested because I thought it was about YOU not being able to write poetry but it ended up in a love poem... I do the EXACT same thing though, the last poem I wrote involved me talking about how words can't describe yadidadida....

You need stronger emotion. Write so well about your boyfriend, that other girls will envy you. Is he only lips and kisses or is he that and so much more?

I'd ... work on it, to get things at 10, rather than 9 and 11 and all surrounding numbers.

But, a cruse, this love could never be

The way your fingers graze your skin.

(I want you to touch me).