Published September 5, 2011
If only I could stop your self hatred
from your broken heart, there lies the blame
I couldn't make sense of what you said
but you made me understand there was no turning back...
I can't confide to another person
because of the silence from the pain
I saw the world through your eyes
and couldn't find the reaosn why...
Once more you left my life
and I'm afraid it was my final goodbye
If only I knew what I could have said
then maybe you would be with us now
I'm afraid your last heartbeat
will shatter the last dying hope
Wanted to make you see the beauty of this life
but it was never enough for you
I just need one last chance
to tell you "you can move on"
Even if it is in vain because...
I just want to hear your voice again
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139,445 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
I agree with lilchoma on the punctuation, despite that, this is great. I'll admit I'm not a fan of peotry in general but I can admit something is a good piece when I see it!
Thank you for the pointers
I was in a weird place when I wrote this, in my defence. My mind was all over the place.
ok, Im going to be totally honest with you. This poem was pretty hard to follow. I understand what the poem is about, but I had some trouble understanding what you were trying to say at some parts. Also, your grammar is kind of poor as is your punctuation. For example, at the very beginning, i could't tell if the second line was a continuation of the first line or if the second line was a whole different sentence. Try adding some comas and periods next time! But i did like the idea so if you just try reading it over and asking yourself, does this make sense? Then if you want to, you can post your revisions back up for more constructive criticism!