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125,008 Literary Works • 672,834 Reviews
People will still be offended by this poem, despite your intentions. I personally am not religious, so it didn't really offend me. Everybody is different, so we can all see the same thing differently.
I'm hoping that this poem was based on stereotypes. It gives off a pretty bad vibe, but stereotyping isn't exactly a good thing, so I guess that works out pretty well. I can't really say that I like it. I don't really know what the main purpose was. Maybe you could clear that up for us?
Hello, I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
- not needed--
Okay, I will tell you,now. I don't like this poem all too much.
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And it's not just because i may be partial due to the fact that I am a firm believer in Christ and found a few of these "points" offensive, I just think that for all the parts( yes, the atheist one, too) you didn't do enough research in order to actually make this a truthful and nice poem.
On the the Review...
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the whole point of this poem is to showcase that you do not believe in God, right? Then why refer to him as if you do? It would sound a lot better if you did this--
--so as not to make it look as if you are punching at monotheistic religions only.
* Why exactly did you capitalize this? If it is supposed to be taken as anger, it's not working. It looks like you seem excited about this point in your poem..not working, here.
Poorly constructed and evidence of a lack of research is made obvious by these generalized statements.
Not all atheists are this way.
Try not to be so strait-forward on this type of topic.
* So I am guessing that marriage is a "facade", too?
Again, assumed, generalized, offensive, poorly-written. Just terrible- sorry to say.
Such a one-sided poem.. goodness.
SO, once again.. I'm guessing gravity and oxygen aren't real, either?
Nope. I believe in God because, just like gravity, even though I cannot always physically see him- I can feel the presence of him and his force working through me.
Nope. I'm not trying to spur up an argument with you, but just think about what you type, so that you can actually back it up.
Overall:
I know I was "harsh".
The point that I am trying to get across is that if you intend on bashing the beliefs of EVERYONE and making yourself look like a "god", do so respectfully and in a properly-informed matter.
This poem has no tone, no overall mood- no theme. Just a "poetic' ay of listing off why religious people are stupid an why atheist are stupid, too.
I'm all for pride in one's beliefs ( or lack thereof), but have a little bit of conscience when it come to these things.Come on, if you want to do something this controversial.. at least do it well.
Other than that, nice idea!
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-Jojo
I can't say I like it.
I'm an agnostic with atheistic tendencies, and I can't agree with anything that was really said in your poem.
I'm a little hurt by the atheist jab, I don't love thrashing christians, and I don't think that Church is a front for making money. I'm honestly a little hurt, angered, and saddened that this is what you think an atheist is like.
But I guess that's what happens when you make a poem out of stereotypes. A minority will never represent the majority, everyone is different when it comes to religion. Not every christian is the same, not every Buddhist is the same. No atheist nor agnostic have the exact same views.
Which is where I think that this poem falls. Like someone else said, you only scratch the surface of each set of beliefs. I get the feeling that you think this is how everyone in these sets of beliefs are like, and it really does sting.
I can say that I'm very happy with this one, it had potential but then you decided to focus on negative stereotypes and broad generalizations.
Hi there.
In case it wasn't - that's not what atheists do, nor what most intend. If you are thinking about people like Richard Dawkins, then the term 'anti-theist' is more appropriate, though I accept that's rather a mouthful for a poem. Obviously it's your poem and your ideas, it just saddens me that they're there and considered 'what atheists do'.
Firstly, it isn't just religious people this might offend. Your comment about atheists stung a little, but I'm not sure if you actually intended it to be a rather sweeping generalisation.
One thing I felt throughout this entire poem was that you barely scratched the surface of everything. You were talking about a lot of religions/ideas in a short poem which meant some parts came off as shallow and hurried. I personally think it would be better if you extolled the virtues of being agnostic in the poem rather than jumping around a little. On a matter like this I think your poem needs to come from the heart and I definitely didn't get that.
Hope this helps a little. Feel free to pm me.
Amy
Not completely sure about the title, since you seem to have more than one religion featured here, but.... I don't think I can figure out a better one for you. :p We'll see.
I think "believe" would fit better here, because Christianity/agnosticism/whatever is a belief, but that's my perspective.
Also, "but" indicates what you're going to say next will contradict the previous statement, and I don't feel it really does, in this case.
Just pointing out-- this is not a "real" Christian, though it may be the most visible one. What I call a real Christian is someone who prays because they like talking to God, the way they would another person.
Also... life is more than physical, it's also spiritual. It's true that many so-called Christians believe blindly, but because the spiritual is unseen, our beliefs can appear unfounded.
Oh, and religions such as Mormonism and Islam are generally harder on defectors. (Radical branches of Christianity are not included. I'm lookin' at you, funeral marchers. >.<)
Overall, I think you did a fantastic job of grabbing the cliches of each religion and condensing them into a few stanzas. Good job.
This is an interesting poem here. I don't see this perspective too much in the writing I've discovered in my life, so this is definitely something new for me. Let's get into specifics...
Good opening here! It's got a good clarification, and you set the tone for the whole poem. Good job.
I've had conversations with quite a few people who speak like this. They irritate me because they don't listen to logic, they mock everything I say, and they're impossible to reason with. They take every point you make and bend it and twist it until it's some perverted version of what you originally said. At least those are the people I've talked with. I can really relate to this verse.
Be careful when you put priests in this context. Now I'm a very observant Christian, and I don't have a problem with it for the sake of literature. But that doesn't mean it's not going to send the wrong message to some people. I know you don't really mean it, but my pastor and all the priests I've met are pretty awesome, and don't fit this profile. But hey, I haven't met all the priests. Just be prepared for some people to be a little jabbed by that line.
Overall, I like this poem. It's from a good perspective that's not used a lot, and the words are used well. I'm cool with it, but just be prepared for people not to be. Hey, and if you ever want another review in the future, or advice or just a kind word, yada yada, I'm only one PM away!
- SOCKS