Young Writers Society

Hello!

I loved this.

You chose such a relatable narrator, and really emphasise the "I'm just a kid" because that's what everyone tells you, "You are just a kid so you can't know much". And you describe you they are constantly trying to be enough but it makes you feel worse, makes you feel like you want to die, but still people tell that you are just a child and there is no way that you are feeling that bad. Overall, this really explains how being young feels and how everyone overlooks at your problems.

Hello!
This is a raw and emotional expression of the struggles and frustrations of youth. The repetition of "I'm just a kid" emphasizes the feeling of being overlooked and not taken seriously, while also highlighting the vulnerability and uncertainty of adolescence. The contrast between the desire to cry and die, and the recognition of the things worth living for, such as a future partner and the beauty of nature, creates a complex and nuanced portrayal of the emotional turmoil of growing up. The poem captures the feeling of being trapped in a cycle of trying and failing, while also recognizing the importance of resilience and pushing forward. Overall, the poem effectively conveys the conflicting emotions and experiences of being a young person in a world that often feels overwhelming and unfair.

Hi BeeKing11,
I very happy to leave you a review!

The fact that you chose "a kid" as your perspective/ narrator is very on point.

The emotion is very strong it hangs like a thick fog around a city, I can sympathize and feel the emotions in it. I really love it.

It gives me the kind of picture that you get when your unheard of unseen. I really love it, I can totally relive myself in it.

It also makes me think of a story I wrote, it's called: "Broken mirror image."
When you have time be sure to check it out and leave me a review!

- Rinisha

Hello! This is Summerdepressionexe, here to leave a quick review:

Firstly, I love how raw and messy the emotion feels in this poem. The piece feels very real and serves as an amazing way to balance your more 'put-together' writing style.

Also, It really stood out to me how you used repetition in this poem. The line, "I am tired of trying, I am tired of lying about who I am," has this emotional and broken sense to it, which is even further emphasized when you write later in the poem, "I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of lying." Another thing I love about the comparison of those two quotes is that the second one feels more rushed, since you omit the last bit and use the contraction 'I'm' instead of 'I am.' It conveys to me that you are getting more frustrated and 'done with it' over the course of the poem.

One thing I was a bit disappointed about whilst reading this was the lack of figurative language. Don't get me wrong, you can absolutely have an amazing poem without any figurative language, (like you have here), but I think your work would still benefit from it. I would be interested to see if you ever try experimenting with figurative language!

This is less a critique, and more a question; what exactly are you trying to hit on in the line "I am cool with piano, I do not know. I am listening after all." You seem like a very skilled writer, so I'm assuming that I'm not well-read enough to fully understand this line, and I'm curious how this fits into your poem.

I wrote that this would be quick, so last paragraph, I promise! I love the progression throughout the poem. Not just with what I stated before, but also in how your melancholy in the beginning shifts to anger at others, then anger at yourself. I've said it a lot in this review, but it feels very real.

Anyways... have an awesome day BeeKing11 and keep writing!!

Hello, there! This is loveissourgrapes a.k.a Ina. I know it's been a long time since I've written a review for a piece of writing here. Thanks to you 'cause this writing caught my eye. And made it flood tears across my room. Anyways, let's get into it.

This poem seems very direct. I love the starting line and I love it when it starts with a question. Especially when the piece of writing speaks facts about children's feelings about growing up and their future. Since children like us love to ponder about our future. The mentions of prom just seem like the person who is talking about how they struggle with peer pressure or something. I am confused with the line though:

"I am cool with piano, I do not know. I am listening after all."

I think it kinda felt random with the sequence and the pattern of the poem. The last line seems like it needs a continuation. I am currently writing a story that is like this. And the ending of it is kinda similar to yours. But I'd rather keep it until I feel the ending is better. Anyways, I would like to read more of your writings. Keep it up! The more you get feedback and the more you write, you will be better and better.

Have a good morning, noon, afternoon, or evening!

Hello this is gem!

The title was very direct and succinct as was the poem. You really show the readers what it is like to be a kid. It's hard to guess this kids age range and that makes it a bit harder for readers to thoroughly connect them to their younger selves. However you do mention prom which made me think middle school or high school era. The frustration that is expressed in the poem is extremely clear. Children make a lot of mistakes as they are learning and a lot get extremely frustrated and just want to give up; but the way to be good at something is to learn from being bad at it. The mistakes make children better in the end. This child is definitely not aware of that yet, and the poem also seems to lean into suicidal ideation so the child seems so upset they think that the mistakes they have made are unfixable. In most cases anything is fixable, even if that means just promising not to make the same mistake next time so this makes me hope the speaker is not going to go through with it. I hope the speaker can heal quickly from it. The poem doesn't leave much imagery in my mind, I would be delighted to see you try out some imagery!

Like my friend Kate hardy says: take what you need and leave the rest!

This was a great poem it grabbed my feelings. Keep writing!

This is gem signing off~