Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
One long day at Winterfall everything seemed as quiet as what everyone had expected on it to be which is as equally as strange as everyone would've been expecting it all to be.
But that was until things changed around in the world. Like stuff being burnt to the ground people trying to survive in their home towns cities and villages but also others trying to get some pieces of food and drinks without dying.
Things weren't the way they were as usual they all turned out to have gone BAD. Like starting with all the fires spreading to each individual town or city in the place of Winterfall it got even way worse when those people arrived at the place.
Which is an unusual thing of them all to see as such it wasn't anything like they've ever seen on this world around their towns villages and even their cities.
People normally wouldn't do such things to burn people's places and houses down just cause of the silliest of things and causes.
Though things did get a bit worse than it was supposed to be getting worse and supposed to be expected which was hard to explain.
The main character was standing next to her friends looking at how the world was burning up in terror and fear.
Yes, this is the story of Reader Awe Dancing Moon and her friends Katara Sokka Aang Appa Momo Toph by her side and of how she met her lover prince Zuko.
People were and still are very much terrified of you. Knowing that you'll be marrying the prince in the nearby future having Mai be jealous of how you loved and still love Zuko.
You won't allow that to happen. Of having the princess from the fire nation to marry prince Zuko that will be the last for you to see happening.
Your friends could tell something was wrong as you watched at how the earth kingdom was still busy burning down in flames of fire.
"I-I'm sorry!"
You heard Aang say to you. As you turned your body away from him and passed by Katara telling her something in whispered voices.
Which had Aang and Sokka a bit worried.
They weren't allowed to know about this concerned thing which is about you going on your own mission.
You will go see your lover the prince of the fire nation known as prince Zuko you want to go see him without the others trying to follow behind you.
Though you want none of them to follow you behind you being a princess and all that stuff.
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hey there! Hope your day is wonderful so far! My name is Ellie and I am going to leave you a review on this chapter you posted! Let's jump right in!
It sounds like, right from the start, things are not going well in this world. You mention that things are being burnt down and people struggle to even find things to drink that won't hurt them. From this introduction, I get a very relaxed style and feel from your writing. Fo example, you start sentences with the word 'like'. If you want a more formal tone, maybe rephrasing and using more formal language and sentence starters could change that. But I totally respect if you want a laid back style like that too, though!
So, we see that this is not a normal occurrence, but we also see that it is getting out of control right now. I am a bit confused as to why this is happening. Is it just people going wild and burning stuff down? Or is there a reason why this suddenly got so bad? Perhaps some sort of war.
So this sounds a bit more like a promo, like you are explaining the plot. Perhaps, if you are wanting this to be a chapter, instead of saying "the main character" you can just call them by their name. And then offer some details about how they look or are feeling. That would be a great way to set the scene and introduce us to who you will be writing about in this novel. Your character names are super cool!
This was a quick introduction to the rest of this story, but I love the scene you are setting up. I am excited to see what our main characters do. Will they save this world and stop the burnings? Cant wait to find out
Your friend,
Ellie
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm well this was quite an interesting piece here. Certainly an interesting take there. There's definitely quite the plot within what we've got right here. It needs some fleshing out but its a pretty cool start here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm well quite the chaotic start right here. Looks like the entire world is in some state of turmoil there. Things definitely seem like they're in the midst of some sort of chao like a war of some sort. It certainly pulls you in quite quickly here. Loving this start so far.
Hmm this is quite an interesting little segment. It seems we're dealing with a bit of a narrator here going through the events of the world and we're just about to be slowly introduced to the characters. Definitely makes for an interesting start here.
OOooh well I didn't quite see that one coming. Not too often that you tend to run into a story in second person. And this one also seems to be a bit of a fanfic. I'm not very familiar with the fandom but that seems to be quite the little team you've assembled and the chaos they are in the middle of.
Well that's quite the tale there. It turns into a little bit of a summary there so I don't know if maybe the whole piece is meant to be more of a summary for the work rather than the work itself. It is still interesting either way but I do think you need to change it up a bit if its not meant to be a summary.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall quite a fun little story here. I think you've done nicely there. Certainly if its a summary there's quite some good potential here and if its not, you do need to try and make that second part be a bit more fleshed out but this is a good starting point here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Oh gosh..