Published April 1, 2010
God, look at him. Kayla thought as she stared out of her window at the boy who lived next door to her. He truly is a disgusting person. She watched him with resentment, hating him undeniably. Patrick O'Rourke had never been on her favorites list, but the past year had caused her to despise the very site at him with a burning intensity. She hated everything about him. From the arrogant smile that turned up the corners of his mouth to the perfect composition of his face.
Kayla was a firm believer in God, and she beleieved that He had truly went over the top when creating Patrick O'Rourke. The boy was gorgeous, she had to admit with a certain resentment. He had golden hair that came down to his ears and always reflected the sunlight. His eyes were a bright green, with long, curling lashes that Kayla would kill for. His lips were the perfect amount of poutiness for a boy. His body was toned and muscular from countless lacrosse practices. He took his beauty and threw it in the face of every average looking person in the world, and that was why she hated him.
"See anything you like, Skinner?" drawled a lazy sounding voice. Patrick, suddenly right outside her window. His voice possessed the sort of arrogance that only Patrick O'Rourke could have. The corners of his mouth were turned up in a cocky smile, and she wanted nothing more than to smack it off him.
"I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole," she said with a hard certainty. "Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't looking at you, I was just checking to see how warm it was outside. Now go away, you dumb son of a bitch." she lied effortlessly. With that, she took the window and slammed it in his face. She walked away and stomped up the stairs to her room. On the way up, she heard a laugh and a loud, "I like it when you talk dirty to me!" Her face turned bright pink, but she ignored it and slammed her bedroom door shut. She played The Beatles and tried to forget the inufuriating face of Patrick smirking at her through the window. It just pissed her off even more.
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a very interesting start here. I am getting rather distinct tinges of the start of perhaps something like a hate to love story...because there's certainly shades of something like that, and as someone who loves that sort of thing, I am very intrigued to see where this could possibly be heading here. At any rate you do a pretty good job getting our attention as readers.
Hmm, well that was an interesting introduction. You can clearly see that they seem to project a certain bit of hate towards each other although while we know it isn't fully true for our protagonist here it is ambiguous if perhaps the other person is genuinely being as annoying as his personality is made out to be here or if that is also just a part of this setup that by now is pretty clearly a hate to love.
That was quite the setup there to end on. I am loving the way you ever so subtly build this scene here. It works out quite nicely I think to see this sort of half flirting going on with lies tossed about in mock anger...and it just captures the sort of thing I love about the start of hate to love stories. Overall, I think you've got yourself a pretty solid piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This is amazing. Here there are two amazing characters with a brilliant story to tell.
P.S: Thanks for my review
Smexx is here to review!
First of all, I love the name choice! Especially because my name is Kayla too!
This story is a typical everyday neighbourhood deal, but you have spiced it up in a way that is makes the readers want more!
I love it!
Keep going and make something REAL good of it!
xo
Smexx
Really awesome story! Please PM me when you get Chapter 4 up, as you already have Chap. 2-3 up. Really cool!
~Hugs,
Rose
I loved this! the description is perfect, everything was amazing! If it were a movie i would try to get the MC role.
Nike
I really like this, I really do. Your word choices are good for the most part, there is one or two real nit-picks I can find though, although, they might be personal preference? So, it is not set in stone what I have found
Is that meant to be despise the very sight of him?
I would also like to know a bit more about Kayla, some characterisation of her could be good. It would help understand Patrick's personality also. Is he just pretending her likes her because she is actually ugly? or is she equally as beautiful as he is? and there might be a chance for something, and he is being serious with her?
That is all I can find within your work, and it is very, very good. Keep writing!
George x
I really liked this one! i just saw the title of the chapter two you posted, so i went to go read chapter one because it looked like a catchy story. It was worth it! Thanks for a good read
zib
Aw, thank you! :] I will have Chapter Two up by tomorrow. <333
Can you spell perfection. It was simple and beautiful I liked the love/hate thing going on and it tickeled my funny bone. Please write more!