Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this sounds like a really interesting story...for a first chapter this is really good and ticks almost all the boxes that you expect from a first chapter...and it just generally seems like this could be quite an awesome story...well...more details on all that down below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I was the King’s son. Everyone assumed that I hated my family out of spite. He’s rebellious, they’d say. Just a spoiled teenager.
Well...when you start a story with a line like that you know something horrible is going on behind the scenes in that particular family...it certainly doesn't look like it could be anything good judging by this. This also presents a lot of good questions and does a pretty good job getting your attention as a reader.
I tried to tell them what was really going on, but my father was always there. His hand is on my shoulder in every official photograph. The gesture looked loving to the press, but it was really to remind me not to mess up. If I said one thing out of line…
Well, let’s just say my nightmares started for a reason.
Yup, if the first paragraph didn't tell you enough this part will definitely tell you that behind the scenes of this particular royal family, some truly horrible things might be lurking that no one wants the public to find out and well...that certainly does make this a really exciting, especially considering the way they mention nightmares...nightmares about thing certainly don't mean anything good at all.
Tonight, on my fifteenth birthday, I’m running from all that. There’s no moon tonight, which is good. The cameras probably recorded me as I left, but if I hide in the ruins long enough, everyone will think I’m dead, and I can start a new life.
Well that seems like a plan...also pretty exciting start we have here...the first chapter starting with someone trying to run away from a horrible life and of course you find yourself immediately curious and wondering whether you should be rooting for them. Also seems like an interesting plan to allow people to rule them out as dead...it definitely sounds like a really good plan for the long term, but executing it doesn't sound easy by any means.
It’s early October; the air is kind of cold, but I was in too much of a hurry to grab a coat, and I’m not about to go back. In fact, I’d rather die than step inside those walls again.
Well...chilly air is not a good sign at all that this will be a successful escape but...considering the reasons there for not wanting to run back into that, you can't blame them for preferring to freeze to death rather than go back for a coat.
I reach the ruins—cracked stone, twisted metal, and charred wood. Even I know the story behind them: Our ancestors built a great city. The buildings reached the clouds, the people covered their clothing in jewels, and poverty was eliminated.
Oooh...well, now this appears to be set in the future perhaps...judging by what this is trying to tell us, either that or it was some kind of paradise from a time long past...hmm...well the whole king business along with buildings reaching clouds and metal make this is a really interesting thing to try and pinpoint a time for...xD
Then our president—I think he was like a king, but with less power—refused to help Cuba win a nuclear war. Their supply of bombs was rather limited, but they had enough in their arsenal to destroy the continental United States.
Hmm...okay...well I can finally place the time somewhat new, mentions of nuclear attacks and presidents certainly help narrow things down here..xD..well this sounds like a really awesome setting at the moment, which just makes this even more fun to read right away.
Finally, out of the ashes, a noble survivor created a new and better government. (Disclaimer: That’s straight from my History of the New Decree textbook and I disagree with all of it).
Well...that is pretty much how History goes, the winners get to write the story so they always cast themselves as the heroes and the losing side as the villains....so you never quite know which side was actually the bad guys.
The night passes slowly.A noise cuts through the air; I jump to my feet.
They’re coming, it’s too late to run, I don’t know anything about fighting—
It turns out to be a raccoon. The creature’s dark eyes lock on my face, and it walks away.
Oooh....well that could've been a terrible cliffhanger there but then the racoon reveal...xD...ahh..well on one hand its a really funny coincidence considering we have a racoon friend of our own over here that pops up randomly...but on the other hand I feel like it ruins what could've been a seriously powerful cliffhanger there...I feel like for a first chapter ending with the previous line would've been a much better choice...but ehh..that's what I think. xD
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this seems like a pretty solid first chapter to start a story on, it has a couple of kinks but those can easily be worked out. ...Anyway...that's all I've gotta say here for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
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