Countdown to the apocalypse when the news hits bowls release worldwide and dogs bark at the end of barbed wire chains pitiless shuffling cloth beasts wander dust storms grinning flesh wounds stray bullets broadcast interrupted digital skyscrapers stream high definition debris through underwater cities of the dead.
Zeppelins.
A sagging skin suit dripping sulfur draped over skeletal figure ivory thrones mewling subhuman dilapidations trailing flesh like yesterday’s breakfast. Two in the morning. Eyes of diamonds pyramids and interdimensional meetings blue prints machine tools genocide brick dust and enzymes.
Infused with foolhardy omnipotence the insects invent a wheel.
Don’t forget the flames and the predators and the teeth in the ground and souls of creatures the gods have yet to fabricate from mist and marrow and zero point energy and a grain of salt thick yellow stain spreads across the land catching proles napping erasing soft tissue and bleaching bones only the shoes remain for miles where the birds are afraid to fly. An incomprehensible whisper floats on the wind ransacking ghost towns and leper colonies
(these people all around me lighting brown paper bags of excrement on fire and tossing them about it’s really quite beautiful here on the moon they fall in slow motion and smell doesn’t travel far in this vacuum nevermind the impossibility of ignition without oxygen but they don’t know things like science and physical impossibility so they sprout wings and laugh and glide over wheat fields you see we’ve left the moon now and I’m dreaming I’m a butterfly as a subunconscious human body or does it reciprocate?)
and shopping malls spinal fluid congregations in immeasurable thought chasms extraterrestrial melodies leave craters in the folds of mind buttons are pressed doors slam shut souls in motion spiraling passions uproot trees liquefied spinal columns tears of mistaken deities fall deadly diamonds blood never tasted so sweet. Infinity is subjectified.
All is lost.
Truth is found.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
That is a very powerful start right here. We've got some strong imagery in this one, the sort of thing that almost sears itself into your mind as you're reading them, so I'd say you've done a very good job as far as getting our attention goes here. Things are really amped up a notch with what you've got going here in that department, especially with the tone used for said descriptions.
That's an interesting dive here. Things are making less sense now but oddly it also makes more sense because it seems by this point quite clearly not necessarily with a plot, but more of a stream of consciousness almost that kind of ties to the previous bits but sort of goes off on its own tangent. The images are certainly doing a lot of the hard work here.
Okay love that ending, I think it does a good job sort of grounding the more abstract parts of this to make it seem a little bit more cohesive although I have to say that the last paragraph there did dive a bit too far for me, its much harder to make sense of it than the previous bits, perhaps because the imagery was tapping into some less familiar and less tangible concepts.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you Poor_Imp, for nailing my intentions right on the head.
Fascinating read.
It reminded me of some of those spam emails I receive, except with a purpose. It also seemed to echo some of John Lennon's later lyrics.
I'm very curious to see what else you write...
This was a very compelling read - disconnect, dissonant - and yet in structure intentionally allowing all to flow together. I certainly can't make any comments as to traditional form.
You move from smaller it seems - a subjective POV more tied to human 'progress' out into experience - as it is beyond merely time or the points and worries we put into. But I will drop analysation.
Who could miss the point? Brilliantly obscure in form, pointed, vibrant in imagery - it was a good read, and thought-provoking. The lack of traditional sentence stops, or pauses made one have to look at it more closely. Intentional? The images, dream-like, were enough to draw me. But they would have dropped me hard if they hadn't pulled to a point in the end. "All is lost.
Truth is found.
The punctuation at the end punctuates.
I enjoyed it.
A chilling view of... the Biblical end times? (just my guess)
I don't know what the point or reason of this was, but ...I still liked it.
Very stylish and disturbing, but uh...what's your point?
some pretty images. mostly infuriating.