it seems this little girl
with ribbons in her hair and shrapnel in her face
are all part of God's plan
it's good to know that in the billions
of galaxies, strewn about the universe
He's rooting for one little country
on one little planet
to drop bombs on breakfast tables
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Yes, I think WL covered everything.
Ribbons in her hair and shrapnel in her face... powerful.
Well done, bent!
I didn't want to comment on this, because I would have nothing to say. I frankly and simply enjoyed this.
Heh. Now I get it. Thanks.
Bleet is the sound a sheep makes.
Wow. This is so amazingly apt and... good. I love the stark image and the deadpan tone of this.
to drop bombs on breakfast tables
I'd change 'to drop' to 'that drops' because rooting for a country makes more sense than rooting for an action. I think.
Your title confuses me. 'Bleet'?
Other than that, I love it. We need more poems like this. Excellent work.
Great poem. Just needs the simple fixes that WL suggests and it'd be awesome.
I agree with WL. On pretty much everything.
Very strong poem. But there was one line:
The second line in this quote doesn't seem to flow with the first one. What is "are part of God's plan?" The little girl? If so, then the proper verb would be "is." I think this is just a grammatical mistake on your part.
Also, break this line:
to
with ribbons in her hair
and shrapnel in her face
It goes with the more "punchy" tone of your poem.
The line breaks on this also seemed awkward:
I suggest this:
it's good to know
that in the billions of galaxies,
strewn about the universe
He's rooting for one little country
It may be more lines, but it keeps the same rhythm you had established throughout your poem already. Other than that, great job! I really like the ending too. It's sudden and unexpected. Nice job!