This was an interesting piece. It could be lengthened, but I'll just look over what you have here.
There is atime,
when in your mind#FF0000 ">.
Where fears appear,
there is no cheer.
The period in this stanza, after when in your mind, needs to be a comma. It's very interesting, though a bit confusing. Maybe, lengthening it, and adding some metaphors would help this. Not that it's bad, but it could add some spark.
There will come a fear,
that will hit you near.
With a saddened frown,
I let her down.
This stanza is really, really awesome. I adored it.
She had faith,
that went to waste.
My greatest fears,
are in mom’s tears.
I can't really say anything about this stanza except how sweet this is. It's very sweet, though short. I really think that if you lengthened it a bit, it would help the poem over-all. I think it's more of a turn off to read an extremely short poem than it is to read a really long poem.
The reason you wrote it is very sweet. I'm sure your mom loved it as well. Well done.
Points: 6829
Reviews: 109
Donate