z

Young Writers Society


16+

A Shifter's Fate Chapter 1

by Barcodes


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Chapter 1

Fallacy

There’s an old skyscraper from afar. The skyscraper’s position perfectly aligns with the sun; A perfect location for a sniper. There was a young boy named Kiyoe can be seen fixing his necessary materials for execution. “Orders Confirmed… Target Confirmed… Altitude, 100 feet above sea level…. Humidity, check! Wind direction, check! Calculating projectile path…” Kiyoe said as he checked every part of his Servancé- a type of advanced weapon he uses in a form of a shotgun. A small hatch opened inside the Servancé. He then pushed a series of buttons inside the small opening of his Servancé.

“Percentage of failure… 31%... Success!” A voice can be heard inside the Servancé as it transforms into a sniper. It took a while before it transformed. Kiyoe’s right eye changed its natural color; It became deep bluish-Cyan color and the sigil of SIGMA; Its shape is the same as the symbol of SIGMA, Σ. “...” Kiyoe went silent as he observed what’s happening in his video feed. “Indeed, this is quite a hard task for me. Sir Mad Box.” A soft chuckle can be heard at the end of his portable transceiver.

“This barrel… Survived by taking away the meaning of others…” Kiyoe began to caress his barrel as if it is someone dear to him. “Each bullet… Encases my sheer determination and confidence…” Kiyoe then slowly put the bullets inside his sniper. “Each trigger… Compromises my weakness…” His Servancé began to charge up with a beeping sound. “My beloved Servancé…” Kiyoe pulls the trigger.

The eager audience listening to the pope’s speech were surprised that the two parallel pillars began to smoke. It causes to cover the pope’s whole stage. It all happens in slow motion, Kiyoe’s bullet trajectory changed when someone interfered and managed to hit the tail of Kiyoe’s bullet. Men in suits rushed to check the pope’s condition. One of his apostles struck a silver hammer in the pope’s forehead. Whack! Whack! Thud! “Ugh…” The pope’s finger moved.

He quickly dismantles and fixes his Servancé into an original form- A shotgun. After that, he quickly runs. “He’s not on time but he’s there. So, I am supposed to jump this?...” He began to run and jump. “Too easy…” He then slips and grabs his hand into the rope to quickly went up to the helicopter. “Tch! Tch! Tch!” Kiyoe climbed and seated on the seat and bears the pain he got from his hand. “Does your SIGMA hurts?” The fatty pilot said as he glanced at the man’s tattoo in his hand. He then pushed the button for the autopilot.

“Don’t mind it at all and here’s a souvenir… A knight of the Vanticana helmet!” Kiyoe tried to brush off his pain by giving the helmet to the fatty pilot. “Deus vult!!! But seriously, are you really ok?” The fatty pilot said as he checked Kiyoe’s tattoo; It was reddish in color. “It feels like I’m going to be consumed by madness!” Kiyoe grasped his wrists as if he were bearing the intense pain. “Break a leg, Kiyoe. Thou art of SIGMA shall ward off any animosity.” The fatty Pilot said as he blessed Kiyoe by moving his hands in a certain motion; The symbol of SIGMA, Σ. “Yeah… See you later” Kiyoe said as he closes his eyes.

Upon the hill, there is a young man named Theremin; He peacefully enjoying his time by reading a book named “A SIGMA’s Rebellion”. It is a nice weather for having a quiet time. He then stares at the leaves. “Ah~ time pass by easily. The wounds… The pain we received, it felt like it would last forever. Thinking about it from the past, it feels like it was yesterday.” Theremin stroke his fingers through his magenta colored hair with blue highlights from its tips that covers his forehead; but he couldn’t fix his long cowlick. He was comfortably sits by lying his back in the tree while reading. “All right! I’ve fixed it!” He closed his book, stood up and his phone vibrated in his pocket. “Hm… A phone call? Today was March 1st... Shit!-”

He answered the phone call, but a gentle breeze blew, and it made his long cowlick to stand again. “Who are you calling a Shit!? Well, never mind about it Theremin. Let’s celebrate you and your sister’s graduation!” Michaelis said with an angry tone at first and became soft later. He is the father of Theremin. “Got it!” Theremin replied as he fixed his belongings. A large text named “Idiot Loving Father” can be seen at the end of his call.

“He looked lively as always. I need to find my Lil’ sis.”

Ever the same, Ever the different…

Theremin said as he quickly slides down the hill and left the place.

Theremin is walking in the streets where there are simple houses as well trees that almost every household have. A dog barked in front of Theremin but he paid no attention. The dog then became attached to Theremin after a couple of moments.

“It seems that it would be raining soon but why there are so many military helicopters passing by?”

Perhaps something is brewing, without me realizing.

Theremin just continued walking until he saw a troubled black-haired girl with the same uniform as him. The dog left Theremin.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” Theremin casually moves towards the girl. “My plush-” She said but she stuttered. “Pussy!?” Theremin heard the wrong word and it made him giggle. “No! You idiot! My cat named Plushie went to the tree. Will you help me bring her back?” She then crossed her fingers in a way that as if she is begging. “Then hold my bag.” Theremin didn’t hesitate to give his bag to girl and carefully climbs to the tree and approaches the pink cat. “Don’t be scared. I won’t bite you...” Theremin smiles as he reaches out his hand and waits for the cat’s response. The cat hesitated for a moment and moved towards the palm of Theremin’s hand. It licked it off nicely then bits it. “Ouch! This cat is Bashful!”

The cat began to comfortably sleep in Theremin’s hand. He jumps down then tries to give it to the girl but the cat don’t want to.

“She took a liking to me, I guess. Watch her properly next time or I’ll take her away from you.” Theremin said as he playfully plays the Cat’s fur. The cat then purrs softly. It looked very comfortable with him. “Thank you very much! Idiot strange haired schoolmate!” She appreciated, and the cat jumped on her shoulder. “Oh! Before I forget, did you see my sister? She looked like this…” Theremin showed a picture of his sister on his phone. She looked beautiful as if she is not his sibling due to her hair color.

“Well, it can’t be helped since you helped me. I think I saw her on a playground so-”

Wha~! I couldn’t do this anymore!

The girl ran out of embarrassment and dropped Theremin’s belongings. “That girl and her cat… They looked awfully the same haha!” Theremin took his belongings and went to the playground near him. He noticed a beautiful girl with white hair at the top that slightly becomes light purple to tips with light turquoise highlights. She wore a sailor uniform and her Dark Blue stockings looked erotic. Her eyes were half closed and she is sitting in the swing while embracing her sketch pad.

“Hey what are you running for, Rei? I thought we gonna play for the last time with Theremin.” Takeshi said in his usual baseball outfit. He then put his cap on Rei’s head. “Ah! I forgot let’s ask them Takeshi.” Rei remembered as she gladly accepted Takeshi’s cap. Rei is the girl who ran away from Theremin due to her embarrassment.

“Sylvia, don’t you think your colored hair is-” Theremin said as he approaches Sylvia but he was interrupted. “Big brother... Don’t you think this swing can be compared to life? If you apply force, you rise. If you pushed yourself hard, you are certain to bear fruit. However, once the force returns, you’ve become at loss” She drew a curious emoticon in her sketchpad and showed it to Theremin. Sylvia is mute and has a disorder that no matter what she can barely show any emotion. She is not entirely mute, she can talk but it hurts her vocal cord; Instead, she writes what she wants to portray.

“How unusual. You didn’t let me finish my normal conversation but that’s a really deep question you’ve got there.”

Somehow it made me realize that I am missing something. Perhaps, If I could answer her question… Maybe, I can find my answer to my question.

Theremin moved towards her. He then pushed her, as he thought of what he should answer.

“Uhm... Eh? The wind is picking up…”

Are Sigmas truly considered “Humans”? I couldn’t answer it… If I were able to answer it, I feel like something will lose from me.

Theremin wondered as he touched his nose. He then stopped pushing Sylvia’s swing. “Geez, You’re really an idiot big brother.” Sylvia secretly draws a shocked emoticon because Theremin didn’t reply properly. “As always, you are like that. Hahaha!” Theremin just laughed it off. “Let’s go, my sis, we will have a party!” Theremin said as he tries to hold Sylvia’s hand but he stopped it because Sylvia wants to say something. “Just wait a minute.” Sylvia drew a blushed emoticon and quickly held her Brother’s hand.

“You two look like lovers as usual. Especially since your sister colored her hair to the point that you two are not like siblings” Takeshi crossed his arms over his chest as he let a smug look on his face. “Hmpnh! :P” Sylvia quickly wrote as her face became red and moved forward to Takeshi.

“I’m just kidding. Ok? Stop pinching my ear, Sylvia! Tch! Tch! Tch!” Takeshi said as he let Sylvia pinch his ear. “Geez, Takeshi that’s what you get for pissing Sylvia,” Rei said as she tries to calm Sylvia with a worried look.

“What brings you here Takeshi and Rei?

Why don’t they just admit that they’re both lovers? Hahahaha.

Theremin asked as he carefully looked at Takeshi and Rei. It seems that the baseball player Takeshi and Caring Rei is best for each other judging from their reactions. “Wanna play at the arcade for one last time. You know you gonna miss me, right?” Takeshi said as he tries to swing a bat from thin air.

“You’re right. After all, you are my first best friend and we spent most of the time playing.”

Although you can’t beat me.

Theremin said with a soft tone. “You sound it like we did something Theremin.” Takeshi’s eyes widened due to Theremin’s statement. “No, no, no. You got it wrong but I’ll miss your easygoing attitude and I learnt from it. That’s why I am what I am right now. It’s all thanks to you.” Theremin waved his hands to clear out the confusion. “Are you sick or something? This is the first time I see you being honest Theremin.” Takeshi tried to check if Theremin have fever in his neck and forehead. “You’re right Takeshi. He’s smiling.” Rei giggles. “Min… He’s smiling. I’m happy as well.” Sylvia wrote and quickly drew a super laughing emoticon. “Alright let’s play for one last time!” Theremin said with pumped fists.

A train passed by the shopping district filled with merchandises. Even if it is early in the afternoon, it is crowded with different people buying some sort of sale. It was a busy and loud afternoon.

“At last we’re almost there!” Theremin said and he is still holding Sylvia’s hand. “Min… I hear that many Military helicopters are coming this way.”

I have a bad feeling about this.

Sylvia wrote with a worried emoticon. She then stopped walking, she removed his brother’s hand; and after thinking what’s inside her head, she then resumed. “I saw it too. Maybe they are just patrolling the area. After All, it’s happening recently.” Takeshi abruptly said.

The lively Shopping district began to look gloomy as the skies slowly darkened. It made some people disperse from the sale. It is a sale for umbrella and it is sold out in just a short amount of time.

“By the way, let’s go home fast! Rain will fall soon.” Theremin didn’t hesitate to say and held Sylvia’s hand again. “Sorry guys! We’ll do this later! I promise we’ll come back!” Sylvia wrote and ran together with his brother.

“Takeshi… Do you have an umbrella? I forgot mine.” Rei then pinches and hold Takeshi sleeve. “Me too as well Hahahaha!” Takeshi tried to laugh it off but he’s actually worried but preferred not to show it. “This is why I don’t want to rely always on you. Sigh*” Rei stopped holding his sleeve. It then began to rain in their area.

From the outside, this house looks impressive. Tall, large windows let in plenty of light and have been added to the house in a fairly symmetrical pattern. The building is shaped like a circle. The house is partially surrounded by a garden path on two sides.

“Our home… It is surprisingly quiet.” Theremin said as he searched every part of his home. It is one of the average household containing only necessary items for daily life. “Papa is not noisy… His experiments don’t go Kaboom! This time.” Sylvia wrote and imitate a bomb’s explosion with her hands. She then checked his Father’s room upstairs and Theremin just followed her. Everything was a mess, chemicals leaking out from tubes, explanations in the board and papers scattered around. Their father once renowned as the Great scientist and became part of humanity’s technological advancement.

“Maybe they just bought some food or some sort.” Theremin abruptly said to ease Sylvia. They both went outside and to their surprise. “Ah! It started to get really dark… Big brother, I wonder if they have umbrellas with them.” Sylvia moved in front of Theremin and pointed her finger up in the sky. They notice that something is falling.

“Say, Takeshi, do you really think they’ll come back?” Rei said in a soft manner. “Yup! Coz they are former NEET after all, but they always beat me instead” Takeshi said as he chuckles and remembers his past with Theremin. “Don’t you feel frustrated for being beaten?” Rei asked as she looked into his Takeshi’s eyes. “I don’t mind at all because I know they’re a good person and don’t mean to beat me. Maybe its just the difference in our passion that leaves me behind” Takeshi said as he looks into her. “We look like lovers here. You try to shield me from the rain using your jacket.” Rei said as her face becomes red.

“We can be one if you’d like,” Takeshi said with a bright smile and Rei was silent.

Series of helicopters accompanying one major fleet. Three of them changed directions as their altitude starts to increase. They moved in order as if they are trying to hide from someone. “Target confirmed! Ready to dive!” They said as if they’re ready to jump off. “Affirmative. Let the plan commence!” Series of soldiers jumped consecutively in order from the helicopter. “Roger that!” All of them agreed as they looked down to their target area.

“Estimate time of landing: 2 minutes! We’ve got to do this quickly Men!” Series of soldiers skydive from the helicopter with an altitude of 1000 feet above sea level. They were heavily equipped with some sort of advanced technology. The roads and bridges within 10 miles that surrounds the target area were temporarily closed. Black cars with futuristic yet with simple design rushed to their target area.

“Yo Eagle Eye, even if they are just kids, you should be careful” One soldier cheekily said. “Geez, Twilight Camo you’re too worried.” Another soldier replied. “Dive! Dive! Dive! Dive! Dive!” You can clearly see that this soldier is enjoying the skydive. “A truly fascinating experience… Men!” Another soldier said and surprisingly his shades doesn’t come off. “All of you stay focused on the mission!... And have fun skydiving!” The commander said with cold tone at first then into a cheerful one. Their freediving velocity kept on going faster and faster. It seems that they don’t even need the parachute. The commander picked his phone from his chest pocket and called “Ms. E”.

“Yes? Got it. We are coming approximately in 2 minutes. Wait for my orders but apprehend the target right away.” A lady in a secretary uniform talked to one of her men to clarify things. “Is it ok if we become harsh on them?” It replied with an unusual tone as if they intend to murder. “Idiot! Even if they are abnormal, they are still human!” Ms. E abruptly said and became startled. “Copy that Ma’am!” The commander ended the call and put his phone in his chest pocket.

The rain fell, and it began to slightly become stronger and stronger. The siblings tried to go inside their home then-

“Big brother… I’m scared.”

Why I can’t move my body? This uneasiness I’ve felt before, something is off!

Sylvia said because of the rainfall. It made her sketch pad wet; As well as their clothes.

“Don’t worry because I’m here.”

She’s been acting strange since we searched for our parents. I hope my assumption earlier is not real- We may be the target.

Theremin tried to calm her, but he didn’t realize something is off. After all, this phenomenon is common lately and it is to apprehend all humans who potentially become SEEDs. SEEDs are the people who become unidentified monsters. He then glanced over at his back when Sylvia shouted. “Big brother! Behind you!” Although Sylvia couldn’t talk, it can be clear in her eyes of feeling shocked. Before he could’ve realized it-

“Sylvia!!!...”

This can’t be happening! Why they are here!? I couldn’t protect her!

Theremin shouted as he reached out his hand. It all happens in a single moment. However, Theremin’s nape was chopped down by the soldier and it made him unconscious. The soldier caught him and carefully laid him to the ground.

“Big Brother, Theremin!!!”

Please save me, or at least hold my hand...

Sylvia shouted but her face was covered by the big hands of the soldier. After a few minutes of flailing, she went unconscious as well. The soldier did the same as well, he laid Sylvia to the ground.

The soldiers just stared the unconscious siblings lying on the floor as they wait for orders. The rain kept falling even harder. It was a stormy afternoon. “Both targets are down. Waiting for orders.” A soldier reported. “Standby and be in defensive position!” The commander ordered his men. “Affirmative!” All of them agreed.

A bunch of cars almost arrived at the target area and they are positioned to surround it. The black limousine drifted as if it was a grand entrance. The secretary jumped out of her moving car, regained her balance, stood firmly and ordered her men. Her beautiful jet-black braided haired swayed in the air. A pose truly fitting for a commander. She then walked towards the unconscious siblings.

“T-That… Woman… I-is that... Mother?”

Mother, please save us!

Theremin murmured after regaining a moment of consciousness. “Bring the kids into my car!” Ms. E shouted and louder than the noise of the rain. “Roger that!” All of the soldiers said in unison. “Erase the evidence! Quick! We don’t have time!” Ms. E ordered her men in an authoritative tone. “Affirmative Boss E” The soldiers replied in unison as they carefully put the siblings into the black limousine.

The CCTV’s in the area were altered with fake data by throwing small chips and exploded after it finished its job. They cleaned the footprints in the area; as well as the remaining evidence that could backfire against them through advanced technology. A string ladder fell from the helicopter and the soldiers quickly climbed it. The remaining soldiers were on standby quickly rushed to their respective cars. Everyone left the place as if nothing happened, as the rain kept falling. 


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Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:41 am
Evander wrote a review...



Hey, Barcodes! First of all, here's a belated welcome to YWS! I saw your activity in the Resources forum and I think that's really neat.

Alright, onto the review!

Throughout this story, there is a recurring problem with it being hard to tell who is talking. This is mostly due to the fact that a lot of the dialogue coming from different characters are all smushed up into one paragraph. A general good rule of thumb is to have a paragraph break whenever a another character starts talking. This helps the flow of the story and makes it easier to read. So if Character A is talking and Character B interjects, then Character B would have their own line break. And then when Character A rebuts, there's another line break.

When writing a story, there has to be a balance between establishing intrigue and making sure that your readers know what's going on. It was hard to follow the first scene because I had no clue what SIGMA was or what the main character was doing. This necessarily wouldn't be an issue if the prose was compelling and fluid, but this felt choppy to read. I think some of the choppiness comes from the rapid shifts in tense, switching from present tense to past tense at the drop of a hat. I would recommend just choosing one in order to help the flow. (I personally would recommend past tense since that's commonly used with third person.)

Also, here's an article on tenses and how to choose the best one for your story! https://thewritepractice.com/past-tense ... ent-tense/

It licked it off nicely then bits it. “Ouch! This cat is Bashful!”

I don't think bashful is necessarily the right word to describe the cat here. The cat is more so deceitful and vicious (if we're applying human traits to a cat) than bashful. Being bashful is generally associated with being shy or reserved, all traits which this cat doesn't exhibit.

Here's a nifty thing that might also help the flow of your story! Whenever there's a change in perspective (so a scene change?), then you'd could add a line break and then three asterisks. The three asterisks (***) help signify that there's been a scene break and that your readers should adjust to hearing from a different perspective.

Sylvia is mute and has a disorder that no matter what she can barely show any emotion. She is not entirely mute, she can talk but it hurts her vocal cord; Instead, she writes what she wants to portray.

I would suggest showing Sylvia's writing in some other fashion, perhaps italics encased in quotation marks instead of just being shown like normal dialogue. I honestly thought that she was using her vocal cords.

I'm not entirely sure who your intended audience is, but I'm not sure if jokes about incest would necessarily sit well with most audiences. Personally, I've put down books and have quit stories that positively reference incest. It's just something that I can't read.

I will say, I'm liking the hints about Rei(?) possibly being connected to her cat. Is her soul linked to the cat? Is it her familiar? I'm interested in learning more on that front. I'm also interested in learning more about SIGMA and how this ties into historical fiction. I'm also wondering if the political side will be played up more, especially since this story starts with one of the characters assassinating the pope.

Also! Question! Is having Theremin being named after a musical instrument a purposeful thing?

Let me know if you have any questions! And let me know if you post more! Keep on writing!

-E




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Sun Jun 10, 2018 6:16 am
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GodfreysBouillon wrote a review...



Well, besides the need for an overall look-over to check for basic spelling and grammar mistakes, this was pretty good.

I am not leaving a formal review because it is not my area of expertise, however.
There were for sure Popes that were assassinated in history and I can see you connecting that to this, but I'm not sure this falls under the Historical Fiction category.
If it was full on historical fic, I'd be leaving a full review. I just don't want to hurt you as a writer by giving guidance I'm not experienced enough to give.

Thanks so much,

GodfreysBouillon




Barcodes says...


Everything is Historical Fiction that I twisted so much to the point that all events are like a kind of unique. Since this is just chapter 1 it might not be obvious but as the story goes on all of World's history will be connected. Thank you for reading!

***Spoiler alert***
The abduction is based on the first Human Trafficking by the Europeans. I'll give the reason behind this as I post the upcoming chapters.




NO U
— Carina