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proofreading help

by Baps


i was wondering if anyone could look over this and see what corrections are necessary

this is for history

i have to propose what topic interests me for an essay

The word leadership can be defined as how Person A is able to influence Person B into accomplishing a mission which is solely desired by the Person A. Throughout history, there have been leaders who have made a significant impact on the world and those who have used their power for evil. The one person whose name that mankind will never forget is Adolf Hitler. During World War II he served as Germany’s dictator and was considered one of the world’s greatest villains. Still today, I find it shocking that the sole reason that he obliterated the lives of many innocent people was due to factors such as race, religion and ethnicity. I wish to explore the Rise and Fall of Adolf Hitler as my essay topic.

Throughout my recent years I have undergone and completed several leadership courses. I learned about its many factors and some of the world’s greatest leaders. In my opinion, a good leader had to have been a good follower at some point during his/her life. Hitler was an amazing leader but his actions were without a doubt immoral. To be honest, I am quite curious to how Hitler was able to influence a nationwide into carrying out his horrifying deeds. Hitler was responsible for the Holocaust which led to the annihilation of an estimated six million Jews. We as people all breathe the same air, consume the same victuals and feel the same pain as one another. However, Hitler felt that some people are better than others? I look forward to uncovering some of the reasons why Hitler loathed the Jews and trained others to fear them. As well, I feel that one of my hardest challenges for this assignment would be delivering an astonishing thesis statement. At the moment, I am debating which to use of the following which would be his turning point, rise, triumphs, downfall, effects on the world, ability to leader, lethal agenda, and the way he is looked upon in this day and age. Also, in my essay I hope to uncover his role models, friends and enemies.

Some of us are haunted by the history of mankind, particularly events dating back to the Second World War and beyond. However, throughout history the forces of good have always prevailed to triumph over the likes of evil. A man like Hitler will continually remain as an icon of pure evil and the ones who put a stop to his actions are regarded as heroes. In the future it is up to us to set an example by remembering that all people are equal, and that nothing gives us the right to persecute those among us.

and this is for english

i did a short story

I had awakened from an unpleasant dream in which I was captured and brutally tortured. It had reminded me of my early days as a government agent. I, Vincent Strike was recruited by the U.S. government due to my outstanding performance at the nation’s top military academy. I was given the opportunity to work at an agency known as the Anti- Warfare and Terrorist Retaliation Division (AWTRD). I had never heard of such an agency until my orientation. There I was told that I was never to disclose any information of its existence. Over the years, this agency had dealt with highly confidential cases of which many were never leaked onto the media.

A few days ago I was briefed about my next assignment, which was highly classified.

My mission was to transport discs found at the terrorist hideaway to Washington D.C. for an inquiry.

Recently, the agency’s alpha team had infiltrated a hideout, which housed many terrorists and was a breeding ground of illegal arms sales. The alpha team had discovered discs which harbored information in the possession of those who would use it to strike havoc upon innocent civilians. These discs contained a top-secret formula of a deadly biological weapon. It was a virus so lethal even its name could provoke fear in the hearts of many. According to intelligence reports it was under the alias as the Hydralisk virus and was capable of annihilating an entire continent.

For this special assignment I was accompanied by five men whom I felt were adroit in many areas and trustworthy. We had boarded a transport plane, which was to fly over the Colorado Rockies. After I had awoken from my nightmare I could tell that my men were waiting patiently for this journey to end. Our flight was going reasonably smoothly until two fighter jets appeared at the blink of an eye. At first, we assumed that these mighty aircrafts were sent to escort us to our present destination. Unfortunately, we were wrong as the jets began firing missiles at our transport plane concentrating at its wings. The transport plane’s speed and piloting had no chance of outmaneuvering the enemy aircrafts. Unfortunately, one of the enemies’ missiles had finally been able to take out one of the transport aircraft’s wings. There was no place which was safe enough so land due to the Rocky Mountains’ hazardous surface. Using my decisiveness I alerted my men to begin parachuting out of the transport plane as a means of survival. I asserted, `` Gentlemen, as soon as we land we will all rendezvous at that cliff (Pointing to cliff). There you will wait and stand your ground until further instructions.’’ One of my men Matt Pister asked, `` Sir, what about the disks?’’ I replied, ``Once we rendezvous we will then make our way towards to transport crash site to retrieve the discs which are located at the tail of the plane.’’ One by one we literally snatched our survival packs and began parachuting out of the transport and safely landed in the Colorado Rockies.

The mountain’s arctic weather and icy conditions motivated us to complete our objectives as quick as possible. Once we had all rendezvoused at the cliff our first task was to locate the crash site of the transport plane using the transponder. Luckily, we were equipped with various weaponry items including rifles, shotguns, knives, hand guns, and C-4 explosives. During this time I started to position my men in different parts of the mountain to observe the landscape for anyone who may pose a threat. Two were to stay at the cliff and keep watch over the C-4 explosives. I posted my other two men to stroll around the mountain area looking for anything suspicious. I took one with me to find high ground to locate the crash site. As we were walking we had a sudden rush of adrenaline and a gut feeling to look at what was above us. All of a sudden we both heard and saw a heavily armed helicopter looking as though it was going to land.

At first I was relieved thinking that it was probably a search and rescue member sent to aid us and provide support to our destination. Sadly, I soon realized that we never made a S.O.S. radio call and this was most likely someone sent to obliterate us. A man stepped out of this war craft and it looked as though the pilot was heavily armed. Mitchell and I hid using the snow as camouflage until we could make our move. Mitchell slowly made his way towards him while I removed my combat knife from its sheath. Mitchell was able to grab him and kept him incarcerated using his bare hands. This allowed me to place my knife right up against his throat but refrained from causing him any bodily harm. The culprit was a male, about 5’9’’, and Caucasian. I demanded, ``Who sent you here and is there anyone other than you on this mountain?’’ In an Eastern European accent he quickly replied, `` Lochivar Frunchak. It was his hideaway that you troublesome Americans raided and extracted his discs containing the formula for the Hydralisk virus. I was the only one sent here on a reconnaissance mission to report of any survivors.’’ Then I asked him, ``How did your boss get his hands on those fighter jets?’’ Looking terrified he answered, ``He stole them from a cargo delivery and hired ex-Soviet pilots to take your transport plane.’’ After, hearing the pilot say that he was on a reconnaissance mission we felt that he needed to be silenced. Mitchell and I decided to hogtie and gag our prisoner instead of executing him. We felt there was no need for bloodshed and this way the prisoner was left in an impossible situation. Nevertheless, our prisoner was unable to contact his center of operations for reinforcements or plead for help at the top of his lungs like a damsel in distress.

Mitchell and I decided to return to where our associates were and gathered them on board the helicopter with our prisoner. Luckily, one of my men was a former aviator and was able to fly the team to high ground in order for me to use the transponder. After finding the location of the crash site we flew over and picked up the discs before any of Lochivar Frunchak’s men arrived. Following the departure from the crash site we stopped by the nearest military base where we refueled and dropped off our prisoner to be interrogated by intelligence. A few days later we arrived at Washington D.C. in another transport plane but this time escorted by military fighter jets. We delivered the discs and could finally relax that the mission was finally over.


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Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:26 pm
Griffinkeeper wrote a review...



I had awakened from an unpleasant dream in which I was captured and brutally tortured. It had reminded me of my early days as a government agent. I, Vincent Strike was recruited by the U.S. government due to my outstanding performance at the nation’s top military academy. I was given the opportunity to work at an agency known as the Anti- Warfare and Terrorist Retaliation Division (AWTRD). I had never heard of such an agency until my orientation. There I was told that I was never to disclose any information of its existence. Over the years, this agency had dealt with highly confidential cases of which many were never leaked onto the media.


Exactly, how is the story being told? Is the character narrating the story to us? If so, why have the "I, Vincent Strike" portion? If he is narrating to us, why is he telling us his name?

Also, what's this about the nation's top military academy? There are excellent military academies for all branches of service. Did he learn at West Point, Annapolis, Quantico, or did he learn at some Cooking Academy in preparation for becoming a chef? These things will make a difference in your character, because where they learn determines aspects of their lives.

Finally, let's talk about AWTRD. The first two letters stand for "Anti-Warfare."

Anti-Warfare.

This guy is in a military black op outfit, and his job is to be "Anti-Warfare!" This is like saying he is vegetarian while he's eating a cheeseburger! My two cents is that you change it to "Advanced Warfare" or get rid of it period. In fact, change the acronym completely; it is awkward and it doesn't really doesn't make sense. It might be easier if you took an existing anti-terrorist team instead of creating a new one. Delta Force for instance. Or perhaps the (#)th Special Operations Group. There is no need to reinvent the gun.

A few days ago I was briefed about my next assignment, which was highly classified.
My mission was to transport discs found at the terrorist hideaway to Washington D.C. for an inquiry.


Wait a second, he's been in all these super secret missions, with highly classified material, and he's telling us all about it? You're losing my believability by leaps and bounds.

Recently, the agency’s alpha team had infiltrated a hideout, which housed many terrorists and was a breeding ground of illegal arms sales. The alpha team had discovered discs which harbored information in the possession of those who would use it to strike havoc upon innocent civilians. These discs contained a top-secret formula of a deadly biological weapon. It was a virus so lethal even its name could provoke fear in the hearts of many. According to intelligence reports it was under the alias as the Hydralisk virus and was capable of annihilating an entire continent.


ALRIGHT ALREADY WE KNOW HE'S IN A BLACK OP UNIT! God, if I see "Top Secret" or "Highly Classified" or any other label along those lines...

You can delete the underlined sentence, it does nothing to advance the story.

Honestly, this story is very repetitive. I recommend that you read this out loud. This is a sure way to highlight any problems you have with grammar and plausibility.




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Sun Mar 26, 2006 7:45 pm
Griffinkeeper says...



*Moved to Action Adventure*

If you need help with stories, post it in the literary forums.





Always do what you are afraid to do.
— E. Lockhart, We Were Liars