I love the way you look at me,
and the way your eyes always find mine.
I love the way I fit in your arms,
and the way our hands inter-twine.
I love the way you tease me,
and the funny things you say.
I love the way you make me happy,
and how you make all the bad feelings go away.
But sadly I know,
that it will soon come to an end.
Because I know what you did with her,
and my heart is too broken for you to mend.
So now I must wait,
for another to come along.
To fix and make right,
of all the things that you made wrong.
Then just as I think I’ve found myself,
it will fall apart again.
The heart ache, the torture, the fear,
I pray that it will soon come to an end.
Hey there!
Ok, so, i really love this!
It's cute, it flows fine, it rhymes (yay!) and it's not too cliched.
I would think about splitting it into stanzas, but then i just like that kind of thing and it's great like it is.
Sorry I can't be too much help, but seriously, i liked it!
Aqua X
Awe ! Bailey !
i love your poetry, i seriously do.
there's nothing edit about this poem.
cause it's just plain perfect, and there couldn't possibly be anything else
for me to say other than this is amazing <3
keep up the great work bailey boo .
-marshmellow-warrior-
aw he, bailey, iloveyou
this is soo sad, and it's so good.
it really makes you think, ALOT.
The words fit perfectly, and your such a good poet !
keep writing stuff like this.
and don't worry, you'll find someone for you <3
im here and so are kira and jamie
this is really good - i could picture everything in my head
and it really makes you think <3
good job
Intertwine is one word right? :)
I love the way you look at me,
and the way your eyes always find mine.
I love the way I fit in your arms,
and the way our hands inter-twine.
So now I must wait,
for another to come along.
To fix and make right,
of all the things that you made wrong.
Yes, this is good.
I really like
'and my heart is too broken for you to mend.'
However, the poem is too predictable. It gives too much away. I think you could make this poem more accessible to the reader if you hid more between the lines. Otherwise, the emotions are just too obvious, almost like a cliché.
Try using more imagery that draws attention, and avoid overusing 'I'- to make it sound less like a narrative. Find a way into the heart of the poem, but don't just shoot to each separate point. Take a stroll among your emotions; don't run from one to the other.
I hope you find my comment helpful.
Nathan.
that was cute and kind of sad. Did this really happen to you? If so I hope your heart has or is healing.
awwwww! That was so cute! There's nothing I'd like you to change, though I would suggest that you take the comma off the 13th line, it feels a little awkward. Hope I helped!
Keep writing!
God Bless!
Hey there, Baileyboo! Welcome aboard to YWS! How you doin'? Kat's here for a review!
So, on to it!
I liked this, it's good. The rhyme scheme is perfect, thought the flow is a bit messy at some places.
I'm not sure what inter-twine means, so I'll not comment on that. I can't give you much advise. This poem is good, but it doesn't has that something that make sit awesome!
The end is a bit confusing.
I'm really sorry that I won't be much of a help.
Hope someone gives you a better review!
*Kat*
P.S: PM me if you need anything!
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