As I laid alone in my bed
Thoughts of you ran through my head
How I simply left you for dead
About the tears I've caused you to shed
I laid, staring straight at my telephone
Wondering quietly if you are home,
And as the clock rang twelve, with every tone
I finally regretted being alone
Nobody else, knew what I'd done
Rejecting you, yet loving someone
You hid in your room, cutting for fun
Cutting off the light of the sun
I hoped one day, that you would forgive me
But fearing madness, I refused to ask ye
What you have gone through, I cannot see
But I'll tell you one thing; I'm sorry.
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I like to begin is that tone makes a poem stitched together and how the rhyming scheme makes it smooth together, The tone of this poem makes me think of a dumped guy, laying on his back looking at the ceiling with the whole room darken and the rain falling outside. the guy thinks about why he dumped his gf and wondered why he would every break her heart into millions of pieces. Also this remains me of my friend who was cheated on my her bf, since my friend went to his house to see if they could go out to dinner but when she went there, she saw he best friend and her boyfriend sleeping on the couch together, their faces closed together.
The rhyming scheme of this is well laid out and woven together to make a point. I am sure many people have been cheated on and have done what you have wrote in this poem, forgetting about the ones they lose and trying to find a new one to love but all of them are the same, no matter where you go.
Sorry for rambling,
CapitalMonday
Wow... This poem is so emotional. Wonderful in its simplicity, yet powerful and dramatic. I like how this poem is from a point of view that is usually not portrayed. Usually we hear the story from the one who has been left or rejected but I love the other side of the story. I love how you say a lot with few words, you could even eliminate the "But" that starts the 14th and 16th line to add to the "to the point" style. I also agree with WJK that "ye" seemed out of place, but that is just a personal opinion. Wonderful poem, I truly loved it!
Thank you so much!
I like how this poem is very 'to the point'. Great simple rhyming, good imagery, and I can sense the sorrow that flows through the words (or at least that's my interpretation). The only thing that threw me off was the use of the word 'ye'. It's not like 'ye' is wrong or anything, it just felt a little random in the peom. But overall I enjoyed this piece, and think it's a solid poem.
Thank you! I love it when people enjoy what I write.
So much emotion and intensity great job!
Thanks!
Wow. This was a really good and emotional poem. It looks like you put a lot of thought and effort into it, and it's very creative. It sounds very remorseful, and it's a very serious and lamentful poem.
It must suck to feel sorrow and sadness for someone else, huh? I personally wouldn't know, but I can take a guess.
This is written excellently, and you should be proud of yourself for writing it! ^_^ it's really good. Thank you for posting something so deep and meaningful and letting everyone read it!
Hope you have a nice day!
-Darkbunneh13
I thank you for your kind review. It was fun to write this.
I thank you for your kind review. It was fun to write this.
Oh..........my.........gosh. @Baidirai
This explains so, so much in one poem!
Is this something that really happened or just a subject you chose to write about?
Well, anyway, it is really good. I noticed you used 'ye' in the 3rd to last line. I like it. It fits and gives the poem a sadder, darker tone.
I love your voice and word choice, here.
This is really, really awesome!
Good job!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
This is something that I kind of feel guilty of...
There is one girl who liked me a lot, and I didn't realize. So I started dating a girl who I loved, and who loved me. But then I found out she like me... I just don't want to hurt anyone.
Oh. Well, I'm sorry.
Heh. Went a little too deep, didn't I? Thanks for the review.
Well, not really. I posted one and feel maybe I went all out with the description. Maybe you should read it. This is about my best friend. (She is a girl.)(I am not a lesbian, btw.)<----if u read it