to give you a mental vision of how to rap this..I rapped it using in my head a real slow demonic type beat, and the lyrics I type are meant to be said real slow almost in demonic form..enjoy!!
I wake up every morning head poundin' like a drum
A rat-a-tat-tat Adrenaline flowin' now I'm one I check the time
Hear the thunder start rollin' in See the clouds form the desolate storm
I feel the lightining brewing up from within No birds chirpin' No barkin' from my
dog No fussin' in the living room What the hell is goin' on?
Where's my sanity Ooh I feel my heart beat Straight treddin' like
a track star I look up God save me! this isn't the usual I wanna get back
to my own self It's like a realistic version of Disturbia sittin' on my shelf My
mind feels crazy I feel the flames start to grow They're rising Won't try dyin'
It's too hot It needs to snow Why am I sweating? Why are my eyes red around the
brims? Why is my hair a mess Why is their dark shadows floatin' thru my skin? Is this
a sin? Did I wake up really dead? Am I a ghost or a demon Is this my own bed? I have
no one I swear I'm about to die My breathing is creepin' and now seepin' too slow I feel
the sky I'm boutta touch it and there is no comin' back Somethin' has deleted my spirit
It's not God I have fallen off of track
My mom is gone I guess she went to the store
I feel like I'm hungry Starvin' I can't reach the bedroom door
I hear the television set blarin' Volume is high I reach the door
frame and walk out Feelin' the sense of high Did I smoke some weed
and forget? Naw I'm a trip Mama runnin' errands Brother sleep I feel a midst
to run up and choke him For all he has done I feel the demon ready to be released
Unleashed on this older son Oh no Someone has got to put this to a stop! I scream
peace to my soul But the demon just gave a knock I'm gone I'm deleted I am a true
little imp I don't worship the devil I love God what the fuck is this?!
Is this a true wake up call that somethin' is gonna happen
I look out to the sky on the streets someone is scrappin' Another
fight breaks out But in the rain? Are you for real? The thunder is louder
now it strikes up pain and searing noise like a drill I clutch my stomach
my breathin' has been restored back to the ease I feel weak in the knees
My forehead is shinin' from hair grease I look wild in the eyes and just to my surprise
On the front page of the paper right there before my eyes... I see
one of my homies just been charged with a murder Why the hell did I dwell
and feel the raft of his burden? Yeah he my homie but that still don't mean a thing
wait a minute Hold up, now I KNOW what I seen! My homie's dead just like that Oh no
let me be dreamin' He was just at my crib chillin' yesterday like a villian We was laughin'
it up Ready for this party this weekend Meet up with some more ridin' trues Ready to
start the freakin' Not the SEX I'm talkin' about goofin' off like some clowns Mad jokin'
no drinkin' or smokin' Just ridin' around
Sittin' in the summer blaze Feelin' the best of days let the
sun wind thru our hair take to heart what our homies say
But it's too late He gone I know his mama is heartbroken
I feel so weak and outta breath again What have I been
smokin'? Or have I choked on a twist of death mixed with
fear that a premonition I had so long ago took it's toll in this
year? I don't know but I will be sure to find out
I need to see what the hell is sizzlin' up the tongue in my mouth
Until then I will be back givin' it to ya on part 2 Stick around all my
homies and find out what is new
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
This was good, but needs some work. In one word: punctuation. It gets really hard to read and you need more than just the capitalization to separate your thoughts. The rhythm was good, but the rhyming needed work. I really liked it in the second section where you had a lot of it, but you didn't really have it anywhere else. I would also work on how you spaced it out, like where each line ends, etc. One part that didn't make much sense to me:
I'm not sure what you were trying to say here, and because there wasn't any punctuation it made it even harder to read.
I really like the rhythm, the rhyming in the second section, the concept, and basically everything. One of my favorite lines:
I would just take out the "in" though.