Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,456 Literary Works • 673,225 Reviews
I think this was a great attempt, I too am not really a bird lover but still, I got the sentiment. It was nice to read but like others have mentioned, it contained a few mistakes. Maybe just go over something a few more times than you currently do and it should be fine. We all miss something!
Thanks for sharing x
Hey BabyFace001,
Your poem actually seemed to be a paragraph continued rather than you prescribed it to be. You have actually tried to bring out the feeling of unfilled space that has left by the bird.And you served it quite well.The art of rhyme sequence is actually appreciable.But lack of punctuation seems to be lack lustrous for your piece of work.Anyways, it is a good serve.
LET ME TRY PUNCTUATING (also spelling mistakes) IT FOR YOU,
"Tweet-tweet" (do mind to take up the spelling check before you put up something to publish.Here "tweety tweety" is not found in accordingly to fit your lines ),my beautiful bird
"Tweet-tweet" ,one small bird.
I go to her as i realize that she is beautiful in many ways,
Her feathers and her voice touches my heart just like the rainy days.
She sings to me every morning letting me know that she is with me;
but one day her singing stopped and her body collapsed in the floor
she has given...(here it is more appropriate to be HAS GIVEN than HAS GAVE) the signal that she will be with me no more.
"Tweet-tweet", tell me why?
tell me why you had to die.
You Will(note this too) always be in my heart;
you were(not was) my fine piece of art.
Tweet-tweet you will always be my other half til the death of me.(HERE making last two lines into one means right to me.You can take this up if you feel that I am right.)
Let not your flight of quench for reconstruction and redemption end here.Good luck for your impending works
Hi there, BabyFace001.
Remember that the more professional you are, the more seriously they will take you and your writing.
I am GeeLyria and I will be reviewing for you today.
This is cute, it sounded really melodic as I read it out loud and I liked that. Although, I felt like it was less tense on the last six lines, probably because the length of the lines was more constant and the rhythm was more neat. However, this piece has some alarming grammar mistakes. Nothing big, actually, just something to learn. Before I point them out, I want to talk to you about consistency. I realized your poem lacks punctuation, and that's totally fine, but it would be great if you'd consider making the capitalization more uniform (notice how you only capitalized two lines). Why is this important? you may ask. Well, that gives your piece a little spark of professionalism, and I must say... professionalism is pretty attractive in a piece.
Now, let's get to fix the grammar.
You are talking about her feathers(plural) and her voice; you're talking about more than one thing. For this reason, it should be "touch" instead of "touches".
In this line, I'm pretty sure you used the wrong preposition; it should be "on" the floor, because "in" is within, and if she was about to collapse it would be over and not inside. Also, there's a little typo on the word "collapsed".
"Has gave" is not grammatically correct; you can either say "has given" or "gave".
That's pretty much all I've got to say, so I'm out. Bye!
~GeeLyria
Alright, that is a nice little poem.
I'm not a bird fan =3 But I do understand.
Alright here is the review.
"Tweety tweety my beautiful bird
tweet tweety one small bird"
This just doesn't sound right, the use of bird too soon kind of takes the impact away from it.
"I go to her as i realize that she is beautiful in many ways
her feathers and her voice touches my heart just like the rainy days"
The I should be capitalised,
and the second line seems long,
" you ill always be in my heart
you was my fine piece of art"
You missed a w in will, but that's no biggie,
however instead of saying was, try were? Just to make it less chunky.
"tweety tweety you will always be
my other half til the death of me"
there are two 'l's in till, and if Tweety Tweety is a name it should be capitalized throughout.
Also try making Tweety-Tweety a compound, for reading sake. =3
I hope it helps and I'm sorry if it seemed rough.
That is a little sad!
but very good at writing! 
Lovely poem
However, there are some teeny tiny errors I would like to point out. You guessed it right. I'm reviewing. So, firstly I would advise you to employ a definite meter for the poem. Some of your verses are long and some are too short in comparison. Second, there's almost no punctuation in the poem. Punctuation is a crucial part of any good writing.
*you'll always...
*you were my fine piece of art
*my other half till/'til the death of me
The stars are meant to show correction.