The Kid Genius

Hey there, just wanted to share my review of this piece:

So first off a few pointers:

"Musing my bleached blond hair I slowly settled into a state of placidity." (musing should be spelled mussing)
I wasn't sure if by Alzemo having "brains" he actually has multiple brains, which I can see being a major reason for his genius, but if that is not the case I am very confused by the use of plurality.

"I wondered if she knew about the teasing, and the constant need to prove oneself. " (I would say if Alzemo is referring to himself then this sentence should be written more directly i.e ...constant need to prove myself. That way the language makes the character more relatable.

I would also suggest breaking up Alzermo's narrative into various paragraphs to provide more structural flow.

"We used to talk more and play games that was until a year ago. Then we both grew up. I didn't know if it was because we wanted to or because we had to. There were days, like today, where I missed how it used to be. That was when I saw how overworked and tired alzemo was." (The description of the past makes me think that they are young kids but towards the end of the paragraph, it sounds more like they are teenagers, so it was hard for me to place their age. I would suggest adding in some more descriptions that show their age i.e school, parents, or more of an insight into her perspective.)

The conversation about finances towards the end really threw me for a loop because I was under the impression that Alzemo and Elleanna were kids. And I can see if he's a genius then he can most certainly manage finances, but I would suggest more detail about them being able to live on their own and manage everything themselves.

What I liked:

I really enjoyed how there were two different perspectives and I got to see how each character thought the other felt versus how they actually felt. I would say that helped me to relate to the characters more and ultimately makes the story more wholesome.

I see throughout the story various references to bugs, which I thought was very clever since Alzemo is researching species: "It reminded me of a beetle's shell", "Almost never coming out of his shell of study"

"I sighed "but it's what you love. I felt like we had this conversation every weekend."What does money matter when your dream is involved?"" (I really like this line becuase it's a prevalent truth that mny of us have probably considered at some point, which is weighing our dreams against the practical need for steady income.)

I really liked the ending because I got to see a moment of vulnerability from Alzemo who probably normally keeps up a front especially where his genius is concerned. I would suggest more details regarding how he is using his genius, which you'd mentoned previuosly tha he does lectures, but what about?

Overall, I enjoyed this piece and honestly would love to see more about how things are going to be different for them since Alzemo is rethinking the path he's currently on.

Good job Nicole136 and BEASTtheHUN!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite an interesting little story here...definitely portraying a pretty sad scene there...and quite a sad ending too...but pretty well done I think...

Anyway let's get right to it,

My eyes slowly adjusted to the computer screen in front of me. I had always wondered why they made the font so painstakingly small. A large book about species lay on the desk next to my cup of water. "Selachimorpha, shark," I said. Wouldn't my teacher love to see this? Musing my bleached blond hair I slowly settled into a state of placidity. My long fingers clicked non-stop on the black shiny keyboard. It reminded me of a beetle's shell. "Coleoptera, beetle," I muttered. It was a habit of mine. Shaking my head, I looked up to see Anna walk in with a cup of tea. "Thanks, Anna," I mumbled, I doubt she even heard me. Sometimes I wondered what she was thinking. She had once told me she wished she had my brains. I laughed and told her I wished I had her hair. It was interesting though. I wondered if she knew about the teasing, and the constant need to prove oneself. I wondered if she would still want them. Even now, did she know how tired I was of having to keep up this level of work? If she did, she wouldn't be so eager to have my brains then. Sipping my tea, I returned my focus to the screen. Selachimorpha, shark.

I walked into Alzemo study, bringing him his cup of tea. I sat it down on his desk as he mumbled "thank you, Anna". And went back to clicking away at his keyboard. I went to clean up the mess on his floor.

As I did, I watched him, sitting at his computer squinting to see the print.

I sighed, he was always like that these days. Almost never coming out of his shell of study. Always busy trying to figure out some formula. This was the downside to being a kid genius.

We used to talk more and play games that was until a year ago. Then we both grew up. I didn't know if it was because we wanted to or because we had to. There were days, like today, where I missed how it used to be. That was when I saw how overworked and tired alzemo was.

I looked up and saw him running his long fingers through his bleached blond hair. A habit he had whenever he was trying to figure something out. As he murmured random animal names that didn't make any sense to me.

The next morning Alzemo came down looking worried. His gait was that of a sleepwalker. Bags hung under his gray lifeless eyes.

"What's wrong ?" I asked.

"It's just... I'm worried about money" Alzemo replied.

"You will get sponsored soon enough," I said "don't worry".

"That's not enough anymore," he said. His whole demeanor was tense, I wondered what was bothering him.

"We can't just live promotion to promotion, lecture to lecture," he said in a worried tone.

I sighed "but it's what you love. I felt like we had this conversation every weekend."What does money matter when your dream is involved?"

Sighing, he stared at his bowl of cereal before replying, "I don't know if it's what I love anymore". I just stared at him, suprised. "Besides, do you want somewhere to live or not." I knew he was right, we were barely skimping by.

"Do you understand what it's like to be put on a pedestal?To be thought of only for your brain. I don't want to do this anymore!" No, I didn't, but what was there to say. There was nothing that could soothe the confusion in his eyes. Looking at him, I could almost see an aura of hopelessness.

"Well, what do you want to do?" I say in a weak voice. While inside I wonder why he never said anything about this to me. I always thought this was his dream.

"My dream, I don't even know what my dream is," he answered. For some reason, I knew something was wrong. At that moment, something like a veil fell from his eyes, and I could see his pain, a deep saturating pain mixed with a medley of other emotions. Fear, anger, and a settling hopelessness that made my throat constrict. There was a deep burning sensation in my stomach, and I knew nothing would ever be the same again.

Hi BEASTtheHUN and Nicole136,

Mailice here with a short review!

The short story has an interesting twist and I really like how you both told the story from Alzemo's point of view at the beginning and Elleanne's at the end. This switch between the two characters was really excellent and I like how the transition was made, from Alzemo's thoughts slowly going back into the book to Elleanna coming in to bring the tea.

At the beginning I was a little unsure why the first section from Alzemo's perspective was such a big thrown together section and almost wanted to write whether it wouldn't make sense to lay it out like the second part of the short story.

That was then the point where I realised that this was probably a way of depicting Alzemo's inner life. Completely lost in his brain with all the knowledge, he can't just draw a dot or a line and start from a new point. He's like a computer or an engine that winds everything up and keeps working, even if there are intervening moments that happen in his environment around him. Or as you aptly put it in the second part, "shell of study". (A very great term.) That was a good idea to put it that way!

Now for the second part:

I walked into Alzemo study, bringing him his cup of tea.

Then we both grew up. I didn't know if it was because we wanted to or because we had to.

As he murmured random animal names that didn't make any sense to me.
The next morning Alzemo came down looking worried.

Hello there! Incoming review.

I would like to start out with the way you broke up the work. I like the different perspective we get from Alzemo and Elleanna. I truly believe if we were to only see things from either one's point of view our opinion on the characters would not be accurate to how you intended them to be. I enjoy how Alzemo's section is rigid with very little dialogue and Elleanna's is more full of life with conversation. I like this line,

His gait was that of a sleepwalker. Bags hung under his gray lifeless eyes.

"Do you understand what it's like to be put on a pedestal?To be thought of only for your brain.